BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: WRITING A LETTER TO HOTEL MANAGER ABOUT LOST BRIEFCASE - DETAILS, DESCRIPTION & IMPORTANCE

Explore a Band 5.5 IELTS essay example about a lost briefcase at a hotel meeting. Discover how the writer details the importance of the item lost, its location, and its impact on a upcoming project. Perfect for IELTS writing practice and learning.

Writing Task

You recently attended a meeting at a hotel and you left your briefcase in one of the conference rooms. You called the hotel, but they were unable to locate it. Write a letter to the hotel manager explaining the situation. In your letter: - Provide details about the meeting and when it took place - Describe the briefcase and its contents - Explain the importance of the briefcase and request assistance in finding it

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Hi Sir I had recently attended to a meeting in your Hotel. I noticed, when I left the Hotel, I forgot my Black leader briefcase which is very important to me. I appreciate you if you can find it as soon as possible. The meeting was in one of the spacious conference room which is located at the end of the corridor in the second floor of the Hotel, however, I could not remember the room's number. The meeting time was at 10 on Monday in 24th July. The briefcase I missed was made of black leader which had a D&G sign on the left bottom and also 2 big pockets on the side. Something is very important to me is its content. There are some governmental documents about a fundamental project which will have run by the next month. If I missed the documents, The project will not start in the appropriate time. I demand you to find it as soon as possible. Maziar Najvan (manager of the CDO Company)
Words: 171Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/23/2023, 04:26 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay has a basic structure, beginning with a greeting and an introduction, followed by paragraphs that address the task requirements. However, the flow of information could be improved for better coherence and cohesion. There are abrupt transitions between ideas, and the use of cohesive devices is limited, which affects the logical progression of the letter.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistency in tense usage to maintain clarity. For example, 'I had recently attended' should be 'I recently attended' for a more straightforward approach.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate each task requirement. For example, dedicate one paragraph to describing the meeting details, another for the briefcase description, and a final one for explaining its importance and requesting assistance.
  • Incorporate more cohesive devices such as 'firstly', 'additionally', 'furthermore', and 'finally' to guide the reader through the points being made and to connect the ideas more fluidly.
  • Improve coherence by ensuring that each sentence logically follows from the previous one, particularly in the paragraph where you describe the briefcase and its contents, to avoid sudden jumps in information.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with occasional errors in word choice and formality, which sometimes hinder clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use precise vocabulary to describe objects and situations. For example, instead of 'leader,' use 'leather' to accurately describe the material of the briefcase.
  • Vary word choice to avoid repetition and enhance the richness of the vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeating 'important,' consider synonyms like 'crucial' or 'vital' to describe the significance of the briefcase and its contents.
  • Ensure correct use of collocations, such as 'attended a meeting' instead of 'attended to a meeting.'
  • Improve formality and politeness in the language used. Replace 'Hi Sir' with a more formal greeting such as 'Dear Sir or Madam' and use 'I would appreciate it if you could' instead of 'I appreciate you if you can.'

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited grammatical range with several errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure.

Recommendations:

  • Be cautious with capitalization rules, especially at the beginning of sentences and for proper nouns.
  • Improve article usage, such as 'a,' 'an,' and 'the,' to enhance clarity and precision in descriptions.
  • Practice constructing more complex sentences using conjunctions and relative clauses to improve sentence variety and complexity.
  • Review and practice correct verb tense usage, particularly past simple and present perfect, to accurately convey time-related actions.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is maintained throughout the essay, particularly with singular and plural forms.

Task Achievement5.0

The letter addresses the prompt by providing details about the meeting, describing the briefcase, and explaining its importance. However, some areas are inadequately developed, such as the request for assistance, which is not clearly articulated.

Recommendations:

  • Consider a more formal opening and closing for the letter, as this is a formal request to a hotel manager.
  • Ensure that all parts of the task are fully developed. For example, clearly articulate the request for assistance, perhaps by asking specific questions or suggesting actions the hotel could take.
  • Include more specific details about the meeting, such as the purpose of the meeting or any other identifying features, to help the hotel staff locate the briefcase more easily.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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