BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: WRITING A LETTER TO A COMPANY ABOUT A DAMAGED ONLINE PURCHASE

Explore a real-life sample of a band 5.5 score IELTS letter on our webpage, addressed to an online shop sales manager, detailing a customer's dissatisfaction with a damaged mobile phone received. Learn the nuances of IELTS letter writing with our detailed samples.

Writing Task

You recently purchased an item online, but when it arrived, you found that it was damaged. Write a letter to the company where you bought the item. Include the following in your letter: - Describe the item that you purchased - Explain the problem with the item - Suggest what you would like the company to do about the issue

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear sale manager of digikala online shop I regret to inform you avout my last shopping of your onlineshop. I had ordered a mobile phone almost three days ago and it received me yesterday. but after I opened the pack of my purchase, I found my purchase in a bad situation. I investigated it and I found many cracks at the body and screen of it. It seems the defects occur before it packed. furthermore the pack of it was damaged and it seemed that falled after paching. Althought the mobile is working well, the cracks on it make its seem like an old one and i do not keep it. Aswell as, I don't like it and i want to change it with new one that has not any problem. Beside, i want to compensate my loss with pay a penalty according to the laws. Your cinserely Hossein salrhi
Words: 150Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/22/2023, 11:05 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The letter displays some basic coherence and cohesion, but there are notable issues with logical flow and paragraphing. The ideas are presented in a sequence, yet the transitions between them are abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes incorrect.

Recommendations:

  • Use pronouns and synonyms effectively to avoid repetition and maintain cohesion throughout the letter.
  • Use cohesive devices such as 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' 'However,' and 'In conclusion' to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea or aspect of the problem to enhance clarity and coherence.
  • Structure the letter into clear paragraphs: introduction, description of the item, explanation of the problem, and your request for resolution.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common words, but there are several spelling, word choice, and collocation errors that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Expand your lexical range by incorporating synonyms and varied expressions to avoid repetition, such as using 'item' instead of repeating 'purchase'.
  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe the item's condition, such as 'damaged' instead of 'in a bad situation' and 'compensate my loss' instead of 'pay a penalty'.
  • Improve word choice and collocations, for example, 'it received me' should be 'I received it', 'the defects occur before it packed' should be 'the defects occurred before it was packed'.
  • Correct spelling errors such as 'avout' to 'about', 'falled' to 'fell', 'paching' to 'packing', 'cinserely' to 'sincerely', and 'salrhi' to 'Salrhi'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors in sentence formation, verb usage, punctuation, and capitalization.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure pronoun consistency and clarity, such as using 'it' consistently for the mobile phone.
  • Correct verb forms and tenses, such as 'falled' should be 'fell' and 'occur' should be 'occurred'.
  • Improve sentence structures to avoid fragments, such as 'but after I opened the pack of my purchase, I found my purchase in a bad situation' should be a complete sentence.
  • Use conjunctions correctly to join sentences, e.g., 'Furthermore, the pack of it was damaged' should start a new sentence or be connected properly to the previous sentence.
  • Avoid run-on sentences by using appropriate punctuation marks, such as periods or semicolons, to separate independent clauses.
  • Use proper capitalization for the start of sentences and names, such as 'Dear Sale Manager' and 'Digikala Online Shop'.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, for example, 'It received me' should be 'It was received by me' or 'I received it'.

Task Achievement5.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by describing the purchased item, explaining the problem, and suggesting a resolution. However, the details are somewhat vague and not fully developed. The description of the item is minimal, and the explanation of the problem lacks clarity and specificity. The suggestion for resolution is mentioned but could be more precise.

Recommendations:

  • Provide a clearer and more detailed description of the item purchased, including specific model or features if possible.
  • Clearly explain the problem with the item, including how the damage was discovered and its impact on the item's functionality or appearance.
  • Offer a more specific and feasible suggestion for resolution, such as requesting a replacement or refund, and clarify any compensation expectations.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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