BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: WRITING A COMPLAINT LETTER TO A HOTEL MANAGER - ISSUES WITH ACCOMMODATIONS AND SERVICES

Explore our comprehensive review of an IELTS essay with a score of 5.5. Understand common issues in hotel services through this authentic example by Mohamadreza Jahani, highlighting areas such as customer service, cleanliness, and room condition. A must-read for IELTS preparation.

Writing Task

You recently attended a conference in another city and stayed at a hotel. However, you were not satisfied with the hotel accommodations and services. Write a letter to the hotel manager. In your letter, include: - Details about your stay (booking reference, dates, etc.) - What were the issues you faced during your stay? - What actions do you expect the hotel to take in response to your complaints?

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Hi, my name is Mohamadreza Jahani . Recently I have stayed in your hotel but I hadn't been satisfied with my accommodation and the services. the hosts weren't polite enough and some of them were so much rude. When i arrived there , there were nobody to carry my suitcases to my room. I carried them myself. My room didn't smell very well and also it was too warm in the room. I thought that it might be an accident but when i went to take a shower the bathroom was so much dirty and i had pissed off. I called to the receptionist and he told me that he is sorry and they don't have any other empty rooms and it is just that one you are in. i asked them to send somebody to clean the bathroom and change the bedding but they told me that all the servants are busy now but i will send them to you your room. but it takes about 5 hours till they come. I'm not going to offer your hotel to anyone because of your bad services.
Words: 186Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/24/2023, 11:43 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The letter lacks clear structure and logical progression, making it difficult for the reader to follow the sequence of events and issues. Paragraphing is absent, and there is a need for better use of cohesive devices to link ideas and sentences.

Recommendations:

  • Use pronouns and connectors effectively to avoid repetition and create smooth transitions between sentences.
  • Employ more cohesive devices like 'firstly', 'in addition', 'also', and 'finally' to guide the reader through the points being made.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that sentences within the paragraph logically support that idea.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different parts of the letter, such as the introduction, details of the stay, issues faced, and expected actions.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with some inappropriate or repetitive word choices and lacks variety in expression.

Recommendations:

  • Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and using them to avoid repetition, such as using 'impolite' instead of 'rude'.
  • Incorporate more descriptive adjectives and adverbs to enhance the clarity and impact of your complaints, like 'unbearably warm' instead of 'too warm'.
  • Use precise language to describe issues, for example, 'The room had an unpleasant odor' instead of 'My room didn't smell very well.'
  • Avoid informal language and slang in formal letters, such as 'pissed off,' and use more formal expressions like 'extremely dissatisfied'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors in sentence construction, verb tense usage, and punctuation. These errors occasionally impede clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Use appropriate verb tenses, particularly past tense for events that have already occurred.
  • Pay attention to punctuation, especially the use of commas and periods to correctly separate ideas and clauses.
  • Capitalize the first word of each sentence and proper nouns consistently.
  • Vary sentence structures by incorporating complex and compound sentences to enhance grammatical range.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is maintained consistently throughout the essay.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by providing details about the stay, issues faced, and expected actions from the hotel. However, the details are somewhat vague and lack specificity, which affects the clarity and persuasiveness of the complaints.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that the letter is structured with clear paragraphs for each component of the task: details of the stay, issues faced, and expected actions, to improve readability and coherence.
  • Include specific details such as the booking reference number, exact dates of the stay, and more precise descriptions of the issues encountered to enhance clarity and task achievement.
  • Clearly outline the specific actions expected from the hotel, such as a refund, a formal apology, or compensation, to strengthen the request for resolution.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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