BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: UNHAPPY RESTAURANT VISIT EXPERIENCE | WRITING LETTER TO MANAGER FOR IMPROVEMENTS

Explore our Band 5.5 IELTS essay sample as Bao shares his dining experience at a local restaurant, highlighting potential improvements. Read this insightful review and glean strategies for your own IELTS task. Improve your IELTS writing score!

Writing Task

You recently visited a local restaurant with your family to celebrate your father's birthday. However, you were not satisfied with the food and services provided. Write a letter to the restaurant manager, describing your experience. In your letter: - Explain the reason for your visit to the restaurant - Describe the issues you faced with the food and services - Suggest what improvements can be made to enhance the customer experience

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear restaurant manager My name is Bao, and i hope you spent a little time reading my letter. I have visited and eaten at several restaurant in my counytryside, but the most disapointed restaurant that engrossed in my mind is your local restaurant where my house member celebrate a feast for my father'birthday. Overall, your restaurant actually has an affordable price and a stunning view. I would say that this is really a reasonable and renowable restaurant for eater who want to have meals in a romantic place. However, the limit of foods and bevarages in your restaurant is a significantly unfavourable point. Besides, the attitude of your staff is not really hospitable. There are some of my suggestion to enhance the customer experience for your restaurant. I think it a smart choice for your restaurant to increase the diverse and abundance of foods and drinks. Moverer, your restaurant may get plus point if you descorate your backyard and inside restaurant with colorful ornaments. These are some my feedbacks and idears to updarge your eatery, may be these can help you or not but it really greatful for me that i can help your restaurant.
Words: 195Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/15/2023, 03:28 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The letter lacks clear coherence and cohesion, making it difficult to follow the writer's thoughts and suggestions. The ideas are not logically organized, and there are abrupt transitions between ideas and sections of the letter.

Recommendations:

  • Use linking words and phrases to connect sentences and ideas smoothly, such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'Moreover', 'Additionally', and 'In conclusion'.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting details are logically connected to this main idea.
  • Begin the letter with a clearer introduction that sets the context and purpose of the letter, and conclude with a more definitive closing statement.
  • Organize the letter into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the prompt: reason for visit, issues faced, and suggestions for improvement.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with occasional attempts to use less common words, but there are frequent errors in word choice, spelling, and collocation that impede clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Expand your vocabulary to include more precise words and phrases to describe experiences and suggestions, such as 'variety' instead of 'diverse and abundance', and 'decor' instead of 'ornaments'.
  • Practice using collocations correctly, such as 'spend time reading' instead of 'spent a little time reading', and 'celebrate a birthday' instead of 'celebrate a feast for a birthday'.
  • Use synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance lexical resource, for instance, using 'dining establishment' instead of repeating 'restaurant' multiple times.
  • Work on improving spelling accuracy, particularly for common words like 'restaurant', 'countryside', 'disappointed', 'beverages', and 'grateful'.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors in sentence construction, verb forms, and agreement. Simple sentences are predominantly used, and complex structures are attempted but often incorrect.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence structures by using more compound and complex sentences to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
  • Use appropriate articles and prepositions, such as 'a feast for my father's birthday' instead of 'a feast for my father'birthday'.
  • Improve the use of modal verbs for suggestions, e.g., 'it would be a smart choice' instead of 'I think it a smart choice.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement in sentences, such as changing 'restaurant that engrossed' to 'restaurant that has engrossed'.
  • Use correct verb tenses consistently, for example, 'I have visited' should be 'I visited' when referring to a specific past event.
  • Correct spelling errors that affect grammatical accuracy, such as 'disapointed' to 'disappointed' and 'bevarages' to 'beverages'.

Task Achievement5.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by explaining the reason for the visit, describing issues with food and service, and suggesting improvements. However, the explanations are somewhat vague and lack specific details that would fully satisfy the task requirements. The letter does not clearly describe what was wrong with the food and service, and the suggestions for improvement are not well-developed or specific.

Recommendations:

  • Include specific examples of how the restaurant could improve its menu diversity and staff training.
  • Clarify the suggestions by providing concrete examples, such as specific types of dishes or beverages to add, or types of decorations to enhance the atmosphere.
  • Provide specific details about the issues with the food and services, such as the quality of the dishes or specific staff behavior that was unsatisfactory.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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