BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ADDRESSING CONFERENCE ROOM ISSUES FOR IMPROVED ATTENDEE EXPERIENCE

Explore our Band 5.5 IELTS essay example discussing the experience of attending a conference about new psychological research. Learn from this sample's strengths and weaknesses to boost your IELTS writing skills. Ideal for IELTS test-takers aiming to improve their score.

Writing Task

You recently attended a conference in another city and found out that the conference room had several issues affecting the experience of the attendees. Write a letter to the conference organizer, in which you: 1. Describe the conference you attended. 2. Explain the problems you faced in the conference room. 3. Suggest some improvements that can be made to enhance the conference experience for future events.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Hello I hope you have a good time. To describe the conference, I should tell you that, it was about new psychological research which had been gotten popular by its results. Due to my experience about being a the conference room, Although the lecture was good but the environment wasn't actually satisfied. The air conditioner wasn't working well while the number of audiences were high. On the other hand, The light on the screen show was annoying in a way that nothing was seen on screen show. Besides, there were nobody in charge of these problems at the time. For some improvement in the next conference, you can take a conference room which have these services by its own. Or be sure that these qualities and equipments previously has been cheked by workers because these things has high influence on audiences satisfaction and also their experiences and their descision for attending in following conferences.
Words: 154Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/24/2023, 01:53 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents an overall structure where the candidate attempts to address the task requirements by describing the conference, explaining the issues, and suggesting improvements. However, there are several issues with coherence and cohesion that affect the flow and clarity of ideas.

Recommendations:

  • Use cohesive devices such as 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' 'Finally,' to guide the reader through the points being made. This will help in logically connecting the ideas.
  • Improve the use of linking words to connect sentences. For example, replace 'Although the lecture was good but the environment wasn't actually satisfied' with 'Although the lecture was good, the environment was unsatisfactory.'
  • Avoid abrupt transitions between ideas. For instance, the transition from the air conditioning issue to the lighting problem is abrupt. Use phrases like 'In addition to the air conditioning issue, the lighting was also problematic because..." to create a smoother flow.
  • Ensure logical sequencing of ideas. For example, the essay should clearly separate the description of the conference, the problems faced, and the suggestions for improvement, possibly using separate paragraphs for each point.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts to use less common words, but it lacks precision and control. There are several instances of incorrect word forms and collocations that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied and precise vocabulary to express ideas more clearly and avoid repetition, such as using 'participants' instead of repeatedly using 'audiences.'
  • Expand your vocabulary repertoire by learning synonyms and antonyms for common words, and practice using them in sentences to ensure correct usage.
  • Improve collocation use by studying common word pairings, such as 'number of attendees' instead of 'number of audiences.'
  • Pay attention to word forms and ensure that nouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs are used correctly. For example, use 'satisfactory' instead of 'satisfied' to describe an environment.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with several errors that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure grammatical accuracy.
  • Use appropriate punctuation to enhance sentence flow and readability.
  • Work on sentence structure, particularly complex and compound sentences, to improve clarity.
  • Practice using a variety of sentence types to demonstrate a wider grammatical range.

Task Achievement5.0

The letter addresses the task by describing the conference, explaining the issues encountered, and suggesting improvements. However, the response lacks clarity and detail in some areas, affecting overall task achievement.

Recommendations:

  • Provide a clearer and more detailed description of the conference, including specific details like the date, location, and any notable speakers or sessions.
  • Offer more specific and practical suggestions for improvements, ensuring they directly address the issues mentioned. For example, suggest checking equipment beforehand or having staff on standby to address issues.
  • Ensure that each part of the task is addressed in a structured manner, possibly using separate paragraphs for each point to enhance clarity and coherence.
  • Clearly outline the problems faced in the conference room. Use specific examples and details to explain how these issues impacted the attendees' experience.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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