BAND 5.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: WRITING AN EFFECTIVE COMPLAINT LETTER TO AN ONLINE STORE - PRODUCT DISSATISFACTION & RESOLUTION REQUEST

Explore our IELTS Band 5.0 essay sample, helping you understand how to address a customer service issue in a formal email. Learn how to effectively convey your problem regarding a product and propose suitable solutions for a better IELTS score.

Writing Task

You recently purchased an item online, but you are not satisfied with the product you received. Write a letter to the online store where you made the purchase. In your letter, include the following: - A description of the product you bought - An explanation of why you are unhappy with the product - What action you would like the store to take to resolve the issue

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Hi there i hope this email find yoy well. this is shadi saghafi lasemi i bought the package of hair supplement that include 3 bottles of supplement last week at july 16 but when i recieved it yesterday i find out there is just 1 bottle. so i want to ask to resolve this issue with this two ways : if you can send me another bottles as soon as possible ( i mean in two or three days) because i actually ran out my supplement or return my money because this one bottle actually doesnt work for me as you know these three bottles of supplement work toghether if you use them all toghether in one time. so let me know if you can do any of these items, so i can decide what to do with this useless one bottle before i lose anything. thank you for considering shadi saghafi lasemi
Words: 153Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 04:47 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay lacks clear paragraphing and logical progression of ideas, which affects its coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that sentences within paragraphs logically connect to each other.
  • Use cohesive devices like 'firstly', 'secondly', 'finally', and 'therefore' to guide the reader through the letter and enhance clarity.
  • Avoid run-on sentences by breaking them into shorter, more manageable sentences to improve readability and coherence.
  • Use paragraphs to separate different parts of the letter, such as the introduction, description of the problem, and the requested action.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay uses basic vocabulary to describe the situation but lacks variety and precision in word choice. There are several spelling errors and informal language that affect the clarity and professionalism of the letter.

Recommendations:

  • Expand your vocabulary related to online shopping and customer service to express your ideas more precisely and professionally.
  • Use synonyms to avoid repetition, for instance, instead of repeatedly using 'bottle,' consider using 'container' or 'unit' where appropriate.
  • Incorporate more descriptive adjectives to provide clearer descriptions of the issue, such as 'insufficient quantity' instead of 'just 1 bottle.'
  • Avoid spelling errors and informal expressions such as 'Hi there' and 'i hope this email find yoy well.' Use formal language appropriate for a business letter.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors in sentence construction and punctuation, affecting clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Proofread for minor spelling errors, such as 'yoy' instead of 'you', to maintain professionalism.
  • Use appropriate punctuation to separate clauses, such as commas and periods, to enhance sentence clarity.
  • Vary sentence structures by incorporating complex and compound sentences to demonstrate a wider grammatical range.
  • Use capital letters correctly at the beginning of sentences and for proper nouns to improve readability.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, such as using 'finds' instead of 'find' in 'i hope this email find yoy well.'

Task Achievement6.0

The letter accomplishes the basic task of describing the product, explaining dissatisfaction, and requesting a resolution, but lacks clarity and detailed development in some areas.

Recommendations:

  • Provide a clearer and more detailed description of the product, including specific information like brand or model if applicable.
  • Clearly explain the reason for dissatisfaction, ensuring that the explanation is logically structured and fully developed.
  • Explicitly outline the desired actions, such as providing specific deadlines or conditions for a refund or replacement, to enhance clarity.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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