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BAND 5.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: DISCOVER MY NEW APARTMENT MOVE - REASONS & INVITATION FOR A VISIT

Explore our IELTS essay sample, scoring a band 5.0, detailing a move to a new, modern apartment. Gain insights on describing the place, highlighting the cleanliness, space, library and comfort it offers. Learn how to articulate views of the city mountain and express personal feelings about living in a new environment.

Writing Task

You have recently moved to a new apartment. Write a letter to your friend telling them about the move. In your letter, include: - The reason for your move - A brief description of your new apartment - An invitation to visit you

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 3.0 Scoring and Feedback

hi there i have just moved to a new apartment where i wish lived there.This apartment is very wonderful,the bathroom is clean and big,I interested in wash.The apartment have a library because i adore reading book.The apartment give me feels comfortable.I enjoy living a new apartment more than my old house.This apartment have many thing new a blanket, a fright,a dish washes,a bed, light, a fan.This apartment have equitment more mordern than my old house. I have never seen apartment beutiful than my apartment before.This apartment have a view where i can see sight a city moutain.I can't image how a view wonderful.The dresscode in a new apartment is black white,the apartment give me feels luxury and ancient.My chair and table very nice,it's made by grandfather because my grandfather is a architect.I love my grandfather so much and my grandfather too.I enjoy in my new apartment where i will live.
Words: 150Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 07:30 AM

Coherence And Cohesion3.0

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion as it presents ideas in a disorganized manner, making it difficult for the reader to follow the narrative. Sentences are not logically connected, and there is a lack of clear paragraphing to separate different ideas or sections. Transitions between ideas are abrupt, and there is minimal use of cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs effectively.

Recommendations:

  • Use conjunctions like 'and', 'but', 'because' to connect sentences more smoothly.
  • Use cohesive devices such as 'firstly', 'additionally', 'however', and 'finally' to improve the flow between sentences and ideas.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to introduce the main idea, followed by supporting details.
  • Organize the essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point: the reason for the move, description of the apartment, and the invitation.

Lexical Resource3.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with frequent errors in word choice and word formation, affecting clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Practice using synonyms and varying word forms to avoid repetition and improve lexical variety.
  • Use more descriptive adjectives and adverbs to provide a clearer and more vivid description of your apartment, such as 'spacious' instead of 'big' and 'stunning' for describing the view.
  • Expand your vocabulary by reading more and learning new words, especially related to describing homes and personal experiences.
  • Work on correct word forms and collocations, such as 'interested in washing' instead of 'interested in wash' and 'modern equipment' instead of 'equitment more mordern.'
  • Ensure correct use of articles 'a' and 'the', as in 'a library' and 'the apartment', to improve grammatical accuracy and clarity.

Grammatical Range3.0

The essay demonstrates limited grammatical range and accuracy. There are frequent grammatical errors, including issues with verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. The essay lacks complex sentence structures and mostly relies on simple sentences.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid run-on sentences by using proper punctuation, such as commas and periods, to separate ideas.
  • Incorporate a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Use articles correctly, such as 'a' and 'the,' to improve sentence clarity and accuracy.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, such as using 'The apartment has' instead of 'The apartment have.'
  • Use consistent verb tenses to maintain clarity, such as using past tense for past actions and present tense for current descriptions.

Task Achievement3.0

The essay attempts to address the task by mentioning the reason for the move, describing the new apartment, and extending an invitation. However, it lacks clarity and coherence, which affects the overall task achievement.

Recommendations:

  • Provide a structured description of the apartment, possibly organizing features into categories like 'interior features' and 'amenities' to improve clarity.
  • Clearly state the reason for the move in the opening sentence to provide context for your friend.
  • Explicitly include an invitation to visit, using clear language to ensure your friend understands they are welcome to see your new place.
GRADED
3.0
Coherence and Cohesion:3.0
Lexical Resource:3.0
Grammatical Range:3.0
Task Achievement:3.0
Band Score:3.0
Coherence and Cohesion3
Logical structure3
Introduction & conclusion present2
Supported main points3
Accurate linking words3
Variety in linking words3
Lexical Resource3
Varied vocabulary3
Accurate spelling & word formation3
Grammatical Range3
Mix of complex & simple sentences3
Clear and correct grammar3
Task Achievement3
Complete response3
Clear & comprehensive ideas3
Relevant & specific examples3
Appropriate word count3
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