BAND 5.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPREHENSIVE HOTEL REVIEW AND IMPROVEMENT SUGGESTIONS FOR BETTER GUEST EXPERIENCE

Explore our IELTS essay sample with a band 5.0 score, detailing a hotel guest's concerns about thin walls and breakfast quality. Gain insights on how to express grievances effectively for your IELTS exam preparation.

Writing Task

You recently attended a conference in another city and stayed at a hotel. Overall, you had a good experience, but there were a few issues with the hotel facilities. Write a letter to the hotel management to express your opinions about your stay. In your letter: - Describe the positive aspects of your stay - Explain the problems you faced with the hotel facilities - Suggest what improvements can be made to avoid these issues in the future

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Manager, I'm writting this letters to inform you about some small troubling matters i've faced when staying at your Hotel, the issues were rathers small but i have felt the need to point it out. The walls of my room was rather thin and there was no noise canceling materials, this have lead to some arguements with the people next door to me, i could hear everything they were doing and it was rather discomforting. I would love it if you have built in some noise canceling plating making it easier for whatever the guess was up to doing. Secondly, the food accomadated at the breakfast buffet was cold and uneasy to swallow, i arrived at the dinning room about 8:30 in the morning so i think it was early and i would receive hot foods, however it was not. I would love it if you can keep the food hot and new for the people who choose to eat breakfast at decently early times. Thats all for what i have to express and hope these problem will be mended in the future, looking forward to your response. Your faithfuly, Khue
Words: 192Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/14/2023, 05:42 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The letter contains some elements of coherence and cohesion, such as a clear structure with distinct sections for positive aspects, issues faced, and suggestions. However, the transitions between ideas are abrupt, and there is a lack of cohesive devices to guide the reader smoothly through the text.

Recommendations:

  • Consider using referencing words like 'these issues', 'this situation', and 'such improvements' to enhance cohesion and avoid repetition.
  • Use cohesive devices like 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'Moreover', and 'In conclusion' to improve the flow between different points.
  • Ensure each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence to introduce the main idea, which helps in maintaining the focus and coherence of each section.
  • Improve the logical progression of ideas by linking sentences within paragraphs more effectively, using conjunctions and transitional phrases.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common words, but there are frequent errors in word form, spelling, and word choice that limit clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistency in word choice and grammatical forms, such as using 'issues' instead of 'problem' for plural consistency.
  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe experiences. Instead of 'small troubling matters,' consider 'minor inconveniences.'
  • Work on collocations and word forms. For example, 'noise canceling materials' could be more accurately described as 'soundproofing materials.'
  • Expand your range of vocabulary to include more formal and varied expressions. For example, instead of 'rather thin,' use 'insufficiently insulated.'
  • Improve spelling accuracy by carefully proofreading the letter. For instance, correct 'writting' to 'writing' and 'accomadated' to 'accommodated'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors in sentence formation, verb tenses, and agreement. Simple sentence structures dominate, and there are noticeable issues with subject-verb agreement and the use of articles.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to capitalization rules, such as beginning sentences with capital letters and using 'I' instead of 'i.'
  • Expand the use of complex sentences to enhance grammatical range, for example, by using subordinate clauses: 'Although the walls were thin, I enjoyed other aspects of my stay.'
  • Practice using correct verb tenses consistently, such as 'I have written' instead of 'I'm writting' and 'I have faced' instead of 'i've faced.'
  • Use articles correctly, such as 'the dining room' instead of 'the dinning room,' and 'the guests' instead of 'the guess.'
  • Ensure correct spelling and word forms, such as 'writing' instead of 'writting' and 'accommodated' instead of 'accomadated.'
  • Improve subject-verb agreement by ensuring subjects and verbs correspond in number, e.g., 'The walls of my room were' instead of 'was.'

Task Achievement5.0

The letter covers the task requirements by addressing both positive and negative aspects of the hotel stay, although the positive aspects are not explicitly mentioned. It identifies specific issues with noise and food quality and suggests improvements, which aligns with the task prompt. However, the letter lacks a clear description of the positive experiences and could benefit from a more structured approach to fully achieve the task requirements.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more specific suggestions for improvements, such as installing specific types of soundproofing materials or using heating equipment for food.
  • Explicitly mention the positive aspects of your stay to fully address the task prompt. For example, start with a paragraph describing what you enjoyed about the hotel, such as friendly staff or convenient location.
  • Ensure that each point is clearly and separately addressed. Use separate paragraphs for positive experiences, issues faced, and suggestions for improvement to enhance clarity and organization.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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