BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK ON INEFFECTIVE PROFESSIONAL TRAINING COURSE

Read our Band 5.5 score IELTS essay sample about personal experience with unmet expectations at a professional gym training course. The discussion includes feedback on coaching methods and gym conditions, with suggestions for improvement. Perfect for IELTS test preparation and learning.

Writing Task

You recently attended a professional training course which you found out to be ineffective and not up to the expected standards. Write a letter to the course organizer expressing your dissatisfaction. In your letter, you should: - Describe the course you took and when you took it - Explain the issues you faced during the training - Suggest improvements that can be made for future courses

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 4.0 Scoring and Feedback

I've just recently attended to the new classes for the gym which is held three times a week (on saturdays,Mondays and Wednesdays) in the evenings. Though I've enrolled for professional training cource, the exercises told by out coach are not appropriate and are too easy for this level. She doesn't pay attention that I've been working for several years and I'm not a beginner. I was expecting better trainings with a pro coach who cares more during the class time.j She's pretty good but she underestimates me. Also the weather condition is not working really well and during the exercises it gets boiling. I just have some suggestion. First of all the trainings must be suitable to my abalities and be a little harder then I need to push mysepf hard. Secondly the weather conditioner gotta be fixed or just someone check it out for annually service. Thanks a lot.
Words: 150Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 10:17 AM

Coherence And Cohesion4.0

The essay has some coherence and cohesion issues, such as unclear structure and weak paragraphing, which affect the flow and clarity of the argument.

Recommendations:

  • Review the logical ordering of information to ensure it follows a coherent sequence that aligns with the task prompt.
  • Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively and guide the reader through the letter.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph.
  • Organize the letter into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific point (course description, issues faced, suggestions for improvement).

Lexical Resource4.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'professional training course', 'exercises', and 'coach'. However, it lacks precision and variety, with several spelling and word choice errors that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate collocations and phrases that are more specific to dissatisfaction and improvement, like 'below expectations', 'enhance the quality', or 'optimize the environment'.
  • Pay attention to word choice and spelling errors, such as 'cource' instead of 'course', 'abalities' instead of 'abilities', and 'then' instead of 'than', to improve clarity and professionalism.
  • Use synonyms and varied expressions to avoid repetition, such as substituting 'coach' with 'instructor' or 'trainer' to add variety to the text.
  • Expand vocabulary related to training and fitness to include more precise terms, such as 'workout routines', 'fitness level', and 'conditioning'.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent grammatical errors, including verb tense inaccuracies, incorrect prepositions, and improper sentence structures. These issues hinder the clarity and coherence of the communication.

Recommendations:

  • Work on the correct use of articles ('a', 'an', 'the') to ensure clarity and precision in your writing.
  • Pay attention to prepositions (e.g., 'attended to' should be 'attended') to avoid altering the intended meaning of sentences.
  • Avoid informal language and contractions in formal writing (e.g., 'gotta' should be 'have to' or 'need to').
  • Review and practice the correct use of verb tenses, especially the present perfect and past simple, to accurately describe past events and experiences.
  • Improve sentence structure by using complex and compound sentences to enhance coherence and avoid run-on sentences.

Task Achievement4.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by describing the course, explaining issues faced, and suggesting improvements, but lacks clarity and specificity in some areas.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed with equal emphasis; more detail could be given about the issues with the coach's attention and the air conditioning.
  • Provide specific examples or incidents that clearly illustrate why the exercises were inappropriate or too easy.
  • Offer more detailed and realistic suggestions for improvements, such as specific types of exercises or adjustments that would make the training more challenging.
  • Clearly specify the name and nature of the course (e.g., "Advanced Gym Training Course") to ensure the reader understands the context.
GRADED
4.0
Coherence and Cohesion:4.0
Lexical Resource:4.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:4.0
Band Score:4.0
Coherence and Cohesion4
Logical structure4
Introduction & conclusion present4
Supported main points4
Accurate linking words4
Variety in linking words4
Lexical Resource4
Varied vocabulary4
Accurate spelling & word formation4
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement4
Complete response4
Clear & comprehensive ideas4
Relevant & specific examples4
Appropriate word count4
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