BAND 4.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: WRITING A COMPLAINT LETTER TO ONLINE SHOPPING CUSTOMER SERVICE ABOUT DAMAGED ITEMS

Explore a Band 4.5 score IELTS essay sample about a complaint on a wrong online order. Learn how the author conveys his urgency for the correct order for his brother's birthday gift. Perfect your IELTS writing skills with our wide range of essay examples.

Writing Task

You recently received a package from an online shopping website that contained damaged items. Write a letter to the website's customer service department. In your letter: - Describe the items you purchased and the problem you discovered. - Explain how this problem has affected you. - State what action you would like the company to take in response to this issue.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 4.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Sir I want writing is letter in regard last my order from your company. I have online bought a lot recently but I ordered white cat with green glasses and black eyes 2 weeks ago. My order received me yesterday but this doll is black cat with yellow glasses. I need to my order until 3 days later because this doll is my gift for little brother and he is love cat. On the other hand 3 days is very little for another buying from any online shop. I suppose you can help me for handling this problem. Frankly speaking I promise with my brother about his favorite gift and he is looking forward to starting his birthday. I believe you should send me again to 3 days maybe with express delivery! Generally I hope my bro will have his favorite cat in his birthday because his smile is important for me! Your sincerely Gol
Words: 156Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 07:47 AM

Coherence And Cohesion4.0

The essay demonstrates a basic attempt at coherence and cohesion, with some logical organization of ideas. However, there are issues with paragraphing, linking words, and logical progression that affect the overall flow.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate linking words and phrases to connect sentences and ideas more smoothly, such as 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' 'As a result,' to enhance logical progression.
  • Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea or topic to improve clarity and coherence.
  • Rephrase sentences to improve clarity and ensure that the sequence of ideas is logical and easy to follow.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different parts of the letter, such as the description of the problem, the impact, and the requested action.

Lexical Resource4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with frequent errors in word choice and word formation. There is a lack of variety in vocabulary, and some words are used incorrectly, which affects the clarity and precision of the communication.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to collocations and fixed expressions to improve naturalness in your writing.
  • Use online resources or vocabulary apps to practice and improve word choice, ensuring it fits the context of your writing.
  • Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and practicing their use in different contexts to avoid repetition and improve precision.
  • Review word forms and ensure correct usage of nouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs to improve grammatical accuracy.

Grammatical Range3.0

The essay displays a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors that impede communication. There is a consistent use of incorrect verb forms, sentence structures, and prepositions.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to prepositions and articles to avoid errors that can confuse the reader.
  • Work on subject-verb agreement to ensure sentences are grammatically correct.
  • Improve verb tense consistency, especially in complex sentences, to ensure clarity of time references.
  • Practice using a variety of sentence structures, including compound and complex sentences, to enhance grammatical range.

Task Achievement4.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by describing the problem with the received item, its impact on the writer, and a request for resolution. However, the description of the purchased item is unclear, and the request for resolution lacks specificity.

Recommendations:

  • Explain the impact of the problem on the writer more clearly, including any emotional or practical implications.
  • Clearly describe the items purchased, including what was expected and what was received, to ensure the reader understands the issue.
  • Specify the exact action you want the company to take, such as a replacement or refund, and include details about the urgency of the request.
GRADED
4.0
Coherence and Cohesion:4.0
Lexical Resource:4.0
Grammatical Range:3.0
Task Achievement:4.0
Band Score:4.0
Coherence and Cohesion4
Logical structure3
Introduction & conclusion present3
Supported main points4
Accurate linking words4
Variety in linking words3
Lexical Resource4
Varied vocabulary4
Accurate spelling & word formation4
Grammatical Range3
Mix of complex & simple sentences3
Clear and correct grammar3
Task Achievement4
Complete response4
Clear & comprehensive ideas4
Relevant & specific examples4
Appropriate word count4
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