BAND 4.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: REQUEST LETTER TO VENUE MANAGER ABOUT LOST SUITCASE AT INTERNATIONAL CONFERENCE - CONTENT DESCRIPTION AND RECOVERY ASSISTANCE

Explore our collection of IELTS essay samples like this Band 4.5 essay about a lost suitcase experience. Read on to learn how Mohsen handles a language barrier and solution to find his unique, blue, Algerian brand suitcase containing important items.

Writing Task

You recently attended a conference in a foreign country and left your suitcase at the event venue. Write a letter to the venue's manager to inform them about your lost suitcase. In your letter: - Describe your suitcase's appearance and contents - Explain where and when you last saw it - Request assistance in locating and returning the suitcase

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 4.0 Scoring and Feedback

hi dear manager i loose my suitcase in the event lobby and i cant talk with the lobby man because he don't speak English. my suitcase is big, blue and so expensive. its have very big and golden sides so everyone can see it easily. please call the lobby-man and ask him about my suitcase because i think he have it but he don't know how can get me. i am now in my hotel. its not much far from there so he can take a taxi and send me it. for more, i should be say my clothes, my phone's charger, my passport and my visit card is in it. the suitcase is Algeria's brand and in don't think they can see something like it there so it's easy to find. last time that i saw my suitcase, it was on the my chair in bar. please send me a good news soon as visible. thank you a million with best and warm regards Mohsen Sh
Words: 167Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 02:27 PM

Coherence And Cohesion4.0

The essay lacks clear organization and logical progression of ideas, which affects the overall coherence and cohesion. The sequence of information is somewhat disjointed, and there are abrupt transitions between points.

Recommendations:

  • Employ cohesive devices such as 'firstly,' 'secondly,' 'finally,' or 'in addition' to guide the reader through your points more clearly.
  • Ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one, building a coherent argument or narrative.
  • Include a clear introduction and conclusion to frame the letter, making it easier for the reader to understand the purpose and key points of the letter.
  • Use paragraphs to separate different points, such as describing the suitcase, explaining where it was last seen, and requesting assistance.

Lexical Resource4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with frequent errors in word choice and word formation, which impede clear communication.

Recommendations:

  • Practice using synonyms to avoid repetition and to enhance the richness of the text. For example, instead of repeating 'suitcase,' use 'luggage' or 'baggage.'
  • Use more formal language appropriate for a letter to a manager, such as 'Dear Sir/Madam' instead of 'hi dear manager.'
  • Incorporate more descriptive adjectives and adverbs to provide clarity and detail, such as 'located' instead of 'not much far' and 'immediately' instead of 'soon as visible.'
  • Expand your vocabulary by reading and practicing with a variety of texts to learn more appropriate and precise words for different contexts.
  • Pay attention to word forms and collocations. For instance, 'I loose' should be 'I lost,' and 'send me it' should be 'send it to me.'

Grammatical Range3.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors in sentence formation, verb usage, and punctuation.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, such as 'he has' instead of 'he have'.
  • Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to demonstrate grammatical range.
  • Correct possessive forms, such as 'its' instead of 'it's' when indicating possession.
  • Use proper capitalization for the beginning of sentences and proper nouns.
  • Correct verb forms should be used, such as 'lose' instead of 'loose', and 'doesn't' instead of 'don't' for third person singular.
  • Use complete sentences with proper punctuation to improve clarity and coherence.

Task Achievement4.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by attempting to describe the suitcase, explaining the last seen location, and requesting assistance. However, the response lacks sufficient detail and clarity in some areas, such as the suitcase description and the request for assistance.

Recommendations:

  • Request assistance more clearly and politely, outlining specific steps you would like the manager to take to help locate and return the suitcase.
  • Provide a more detailed description of the suitcase, including specific features like brand, size, and any unique identifiers.
  • Clearly state the exact location and time where you last saw the suitcase to help the manager locate it more effectively.
GRADED
4.0
Coherence and Cohesion:4.0
Lexical Resource:4.0
Grammatical Range:3.0
Task Achievement:4.0
Band Score:4.0
Coherence and Cohesion4
Logical structure3
Introduction & conclusion present4
Supported main points4
Accurate linking words4
Variety in linking words3
Lexical Resource4
Varied vocabulary4
Accurate spelling & word formation4
Grammatical Range3
Mix of complex & simple sentences3
Clear and correct grammar3
Task Achievement4
Complete response4
Clear & comprehensive ideas4
Relevant & specific examples4
Appropriate word count4
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