BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: TECHNOLOGY IMPACT ON ENVIRONMENT - DEBATE AND DISCUSSION

Explore our in-depth analysis of this band 7.5 IELTS essay discussing the paradox of technology creating and solving environmental issues. Discover insights on the impact of technology, beneficial advancements, and the role of proactive measures for a sustainable future.

Writing Task

Some people argue that technological advancements have led to environmental problems, while others believe that it can help solve the problems it has caused. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Support your answer with relevant examples and evidence.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

It is believed that the technology has created some issues in the environment, however, created problems can be addressed by the help of technology itself. Although, some of the matters need a significant amount of time to be resolved, I think, the improvements in technology field are the best way to overcome the environmental pitfalls. There are many reasons why some people reckon that the progress in the technology has made environmental challenges. Initially, the number of companies and firms in which electronic gadgets are produced has increased dramatically. As a result, millions of trees have been cut down and agricultural land have been demolished in order to establish these firms. Moreover, repurposing the usage of land has led to upset the balance in nature, for example floods have become more common than they used to be. In addition, many waste of those companies are dispose into either rivers or seas, therefore the water have become polluted. Needless to say that no effective action has been taken by this industry to mitigate mentioned matters. In other words, they have been manufacturing technology devices at the cost of damaging the environment. Thus, the advancements in technology has made critical environmental problems. On the other hand, some individuals think that technology can solve the unfavourable features created by itself. Firstly, the advancements in technology have helped humans in a variety of ways and all their achievements are noteworthy, such as improvement in medication that had let to incensement in life expectancy. Hence, if sufficient budget is applied they can use experts and technicians to works along side each other to find the proper solution for each matter. Even though, some problems will not be resolved in a short time period, they can make longer commitments and try to take efficient actions. Furthermore, if they had thought about the rising issues before, they would have been able to decrease their effects on the environment and look for way better results. I believe technology has made everything possible for humans these days, to put it differently, with given proper structure to advanced devices, they can find a last longing solution for the challenges caused by technology, and also they would be able to ease the others elements which have been created by other motives, for instance climate change . In conclusion, not only has technology faced us with numerous environmental issues, but also the only way to get out of this predicament is to use technology it effectively in our own advantage. Additionally, we need to be prepared for upcoming problems risen by technology since most of them must have been predicted well in advance.
Words: 441Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 01:12 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay is structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in coherence. However, there are some issues with logical progression and paragraphing. Transitions between ideas and paragraphs are not always smooth, leading to occasional confusion about the main argument being made. Some sentences are overly complex, which hampers clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Simplify sentence structures where possible to enhance clarity and coherence. Avoid overly complex sentences that might confuse the reader.
  • Improve the use of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. For example, use linking words like 'however', 'therefore', 'in contrast', and 'as a result' more effectively to connect ideas.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that idea. This will improve the logical progression of the essay.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a range of vocabulary related to technology and environmental issues, but there are several instances of incorrect word choice, collocations, and some repetition, which limit its effectiveness.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition of words like 'technology' and 'problems' by using synonyms or rephrasing sentences.
  • Expand vocabulary related to environmental issues and technology by reading more articles and essays on these topics to learn appropriate word usage.
  • Pay attention to collocations and ensure that words are used in correct combinations, such as 'dispose of' instead of 'dispose into.'
  • Work on using more precise and varied adjectives and adverbs to enhance the clarity and richness of the vocabulary, such as replacing 'incensement' with 'increase' and 'last longing' with 'lasting.'

Grammatical Range5.5

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and some conditional forms. However, there are recurring issues with subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and article usage that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied sentence structures to enhance grammatical range, such as passive voice or more conditional forms.
  • Pay attention to article usage; for example, 'the technology' should be 'technology' or 'technological advancements' in context.
  • Review verb forms and tenses for consistency, such as 'let to incensement' which should be 'led to an increase'.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, especially in sentences like 'agricultural land have been demolished' where 'land' should be followed by 'has' instead of 'have'.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both views regarding the impact of technological advancements on environmental problems and provides an opinion. It presents arguments for both sides, supporting them with examples such as deforestation for industrial purposes and the potential of technology to solve its own problems. The essay concludes with a clear opinion favoring the use of technology to address environmental issues.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the opinion stated in the introduction and conclusion by integrating it more cohesively throughout the essay, ensuring it aligns with the arguments presented.
  • Ensure that both sides of the argument are equally developed with balanced examples and evidence. The essay currently provides more detail on how technology causes environmental issues than on how it can solve them.
  • Include more specific examples and evidence to support the argument that technology can help solve environmental problems, such as renewable energy technologies or pollution control advancements.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.5
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6

Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6

Grammatical Range5.5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5.5
Clear and correct grammar5.5

Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6