BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: IMPACT OF TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCEMENTS ON INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Explore the impact of technology on social life with our Band 7.5 IELTS essay sample. Discover arguments supporting how technology has enhanced connections globally while considering the downside of less meaningful interactions. Ideal for those preparing for their IELTS writing task.

Writing Task

Some people believe that technological advancements, specifically in the field of communication, have led to a decline in the quality of interpersonal relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Provide reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

There is no doubt that this century could be characterized as the age of technology. Technology, literally, has changed paradigms in every aspect of human life. Socializing and presence in society are no exceptions in this shift. Some people believe that technology has had a positive effect on social life, but others tend to disagree with it. Those people who believe in the positive effect of technology on social life have some adequate reasoning. Technology, especially the internet and social media, made it possible to have new ways of connecting with other citizens. Nowadays, people could reach their friends and families in a fraction of time through messaging apps from all corners of the world. It’s also possible to discuss any topic through social media, involve in meaningful discourses and meet like-minded people to start new relationships. Modern communication tools even make it easier to have a healthy social life for introverts who may had problems to connect with others before. However, there could be certain arguments to refute the amazing impacts of technology on human social life. Opponents to this impact, mainly argue that the interactions through modern technologies are not as real nor as meaningful as the ones in real life. For instance, photo-sharing apps, as one of the products of technology, could create a sense of FOMO. You see luxurious, fancy and to be honest fake pictures of your friends on a daily basis, then compare them to your simple life and get more stressed out. You may even be involved in this unreal trend and present a flawless version of yourself that is in contradiction with your real character. To sum up, both sides of this argument have logical reasoning. Technology made social life easier and at the same time, pose threats to maintaining meaningful relationships with others. I tend to believe that the advantages of this new phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages. A prosperous society is the one that uses benefits of any new facilities, in this case internet, and controls downsides with proper policies and education.
Words: 341Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 09:01 AM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay is generally coherent with a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, contributing to the overall argument. However, there are some issues with cohesion, such as the use of linking words and phrases, which could be improved for smoother transitions between ideas and within paragraphs.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Consider using summary sentences at the end of paragraphs to tie back to the main argument or to introduce the next point.
  • Use varied sentence structures to maintain reader interest and improve the overall flow of the essay. This includes combining short sentences to form more complex structures where appropriate.
  • Improve the use of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, use phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'in contrast' to clearly signal shifts in argument or perspective.
  • Clarify the relationship between ideas by using more specific connectors. For instance, in the paragraph discussing the negative effects of technology, use phrases like 'despite these advantages' to acknowledge the previous points before introducing contrasting views.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, using terms like 'paradigms', 'socializing', 'discourses', and 'FOMO'. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items such as 'pose threats' and 'flawless version'. However, there are some errors in word choice and collocation, such as 'involve in meaningful discourses' which should be 'engage in meaningful discourses', and 'pose threats to maintaining' which could be more accurately phrased as 'pose threats to the maintenance of'.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing; for example, use 'interactions' and 'connections' interchangeably to vary language.
  • Expand vocabulary related to technology and interpersonal relationships to include more precise terms.
  • Practice using more accurate collocations, such as 'engage in discourses' instead of 'involve in discourses'.
  • Be cautious with word forms and ensure that verbs agree with their subjects, such as 'may had' which should be 'may have had'.

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a generally good command of grammatical structures, including the use of complex sentences and varied sentence types. However, there are occasional errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage that slightly detract from the overall clarity and accuracy.

Recommendations:

  • Improve article usage by ensuring correct application of definite and indefinite articles, such as 'a sense of FOMO' instead of just 'sense of FOMO'.
  • Vary sentence structures further by incorporating more complex and compound sentences to enhance the grammatical range.
  • Ensure consistent use of verb tenses, particularly when discussing general truths or habitual actions. For example, 'may had problems' should be corrected to 'may have had problems'.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, as in the phrase 'people could reach' where 'can reach' might be more appropriate for present abilities.

Task Achievement7.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both sides of the argument about the impact of technological advancements on interpersonal relationships. The writer provides a balanced view, acknowledging the benefits and drawbacks of technology in communication. The essay concludes with a personal opinion, stating that the advantages of technology outweigh the disadvantages.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more specific examples from personal experience or knowledge to strengthen the argument. This will enhance the persuasiveness of the essay and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
  • Ensure that the essay explicitly addresses the extent to which you agree or disagree with the prompt throughout the essay. This can be achieved by clearly stating your position in the introduction and consistently supporting it with examples and analysis in the body paragraphs.
  • While the essay provides a balanced view, it can be improved by explicitly linking each point back to the task prompt. This ensures the relevance of each argument to the question asked.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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