BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EXPLORING MAJOR CAUSES OF RISING CRIME RATES AND THEIR SOLUTIONS

Explore this comprehensive IELTS essay sample discussing the reasons behind the rise in crime rates including poverty and inefficient monitoring of criminals. Discover viable solutions to combat crime, the role of governments, and the impact on society. Ideal resource for band 7.5 IELTS preparation.

Writing Task

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

Nowadays, an issue of concern for numerous countries is an unprecedented increase in the rate of crimes that are being committed. This has led governments to take drastic measures against criminal acts and advocate policies that could ameliorate the current situation. To examine crime more thoroughly, however, it is essential to find out what stimulates ordinary people to become steadfast criminals. In this essay, I am going to discuss the reasons crimes are committed and provide some viable solutions. One of the most common causes of crime is poverty. People who live in destitution are more likely to follow a criminal path. Committing crimes, for these people, becomes a way to give vent to their anger and frustration. It is the duty of governments to pay heed to the horrendous condition of the poor and provide them with facilities with which they could find the chance to alter their lives. Penurious individuals must have access to proper housing, education, and health care. Another factor that contributes significantly to crime rates is the inefficient monitoring of criminals. Not only do famous criminals enjoy complacently the life they lead, but they also flaunt their luxurious lifestyles with an easy conscious. Organizations responsible for the fight against crime must be more severe towards criminals so as to state firmly that unruly and anti-social behavior is by no means acceptable. To conclude, crimes are detrimental to a society and the people who live in it. It is the duty of the governments to regulate laws meticulously and come up with ways to lessen the effect of crime and its perils for the taxpayers. If we make sure that everyone abides by the law, then we can have a more salubrious society.
Words: 287Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 09:22 PM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay generally maintains coherence and cohesion by logically organizing ideas and using linking devices. However, some areas could benefit from clearer connections and transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, and use topic sentences to introduce these ideas. This will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
  • Conclude each paragraph with a sentence that links back to the main question or thesis to reinforce the essay's overall argument and maintain cohesion.
  • Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using more varied and specific linking words and phrases. For example, the transition from discussing poverty to inefficient monitoring could be smoother by using phrases like 'In addition to poverty' or 'Besides economic factors.'
  • Use more consistent referencing words or pronouns to maintain clarity and cohesion, especially when referring to previously mentioned ideas, such as 'these issues' or 'this problem.'

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some sophisticated word choices like 'ameliorate', 'destitution', 'penurious', 'complacently', and 'salubrious'. However, there are occasional inaccuracies and awkwardness in word choice and usage, such as 'an easy conscious' instead of 'a clear conscience' and 'famous criminals' which may not convey the intended meaning accurately. The essay could also benefit from more precise and varied use of collocations and idiomatic expressions to enhance lexical resource.

Recommendations:

  • Review and practice using sophisticated vocabulary accurately to maintain precision and clarity.
  • Pay attention to word choice and ensure that words are used in the correct context to avoid awkwardness or inaccuracies.
  • Expand the range of collocations and idiomatic expressions to enhance the richness of the vocabulary.

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures, with a variety of complex sentence forms and appropriate use of passive voice and conditionals. There are some minor errors, particularly with article usage and prepositions, but these do not impede understanding.

Recommendations:

  • Review the use of articles, particularly in phrases like 'with which they could find the chance' where 'the' could be omitted for conciseness.
  • Pay attention to prepositional phrases, such as 'with an easy conscious,' which should be 'with an easy conscience.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, as seen in 'famous criminals enjoy complacently the life they lead,' where the placement of 'complacently' could be more naturally positioned.

Task Achievement7.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by identifying poverty and inefficient monitoring of criminals as main causes of crime, and suggests solutions such as government intervention in poverty and stricter enforcement of laws. The response stays relevant to the task, providing a clear position throughout the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Expand the discussion on solutions to include more varied perspectives or additional methods for addressing crime, such as community programs or rehabilitation efforts.
  • Provide more specific examples or evidence to support the identified causes and solutions, such as statistics or case studies, to enhance the argument's effectiveness.
  • Ensure a clearer connection between the causes and the proposed solutions, possibly by explaining how each solution directly addresses the corresponding cause.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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