BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EVALUATING THE PROS AND CONS OF REMOTE WORK TREND FOR EMPLOYEES AND EMPLOYERS

Explore the concept of working from home in our in-depth analysis on this band 7.5 IELTS essay sample. Discover the benefits and challenges of remote work, backed up by statistical evidence and comparisons. Understand how this trend impacts productivity, costs, and work-life balance in our modern digital age. Compare the advantages and negatives of traditional office settings and remote work. Dive into the future of work trends with us.

Writing Task

In recent years, there has been a significant increase in the number of people who prefer to work from home, and many companies have adapted their policies to allow remote work. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working from home for both employees and employers. To what extent is this a positive or negative development? Provide relevant examples and evidence from your own experience or research to support your arguments.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

In today's day and age, there has been exponential growth in the number of individuals preferring working from home over the traditional office setting owing to which multiple corporations have bent their policies to make this transition happen smoothly. While it is a double-edged sword and has a plethora of virtues like proper work-life balance and increased productivity, it does come with its fair share of vices like distraction and reduced authority affecting both the workers and the bosses. Personally, I believe its advantages far outweigh the disadvantages and it has had a positive development on our society collectively. To begin with, in the contemporary epoch technology has made significant leaps and made it possible for one and all to function completely from the comforts of their homes. To elaborate, the idea of remote work has gained massive popularity of late because of the ease with which tasks can be fulfilled without the physical presence needed in the office. For example, today a software engineer can be much more productive running the codes for his company sitting in the house rather than wasting valuable time in reaching the office. Thus, it is a win-win situation for both the workforce and the employer as it boosts productivity and produces higher results. Moreover, remote work has been significantly cheaper and cost-effective for both parties involved. To elucidate, while the employee can save a lot of money on traveling and commuting, on the other hand, the boss can avoid the rental charges he needs to sustain an employee. Hence, the positives of remote work in today's time are indubitable. On the flip side, of late there have been a number of issues with this setup. Firstly, employees get easily distracted from their work due to the pleasant atmosphere of home. This is because there is no constant monitoring of them and they feel more free. To exemplify, according to a study by NYT, the number of breaks among workers has increased by a staggering 40% since work-from-home has been operational. Apart from this, virtually employers have much lower control over their workers when compared to the physical presence in the office. In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that working virtually is the new trend and has had some massive positive impacts like providing a much-needed work-life balance for people along with multiple benefits for both the employees and employers over its counterpart which is the old school office setting.
Words: 407Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/13/2023, 01:35 PM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay demonstrates a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. It effectively uses linking words and phrases to connect ideas, although some transitions between points could be smoother. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, helping to guide the reader through the argument. However, some sections could benefit from clearer signposting to improve the overall flow.

Recommendations:

  • Include topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly signal the main idea and improve coherence.
  • Use more varied linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
  • Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to enhance clarity and cohesion.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some instances of precise and varied language use. However, there are occasional inaccuracies and some overuse of certain phrases and expressions that could be improved.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that all vocabulary used is contextually appropriate, such as 'exponential growth' which may not accurately describe the increase in remote work preference.
  • Avoid overusing phrases like 'in today's day and age' and 'of late' to prevent repetition and enhance lexical variety.
  • Incorporate more topic-specific vocabulary related to remote work, such as 'telecommuting', 'virtual collaboration', and 'digital communication tools', to demonstrate a wider lexical resource.
  • Focus on using more precise language when describing advantages and disadvantages, such as 'increased autonomy' versus 'reduced managerial oversight'.

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence types. The writer uses a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences effectively, which enhances the readability and flow of the essay. However, there are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid run-on sentences by breaking them into shorter, clearer sentences. For instance, 'In today's day and age, there has been exponential growth in the number of individuals preferring working from home over the traditional office setting owing to which multiple corporations have bent their policies to make this transition happen smoothly.' could be split for clarity.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is maintained throughout the essay. For example, 'a software engineer can be much more productive running the codes for his company sitting in the house' could be rephrased for clarity and grammatical correctness.
  • Be cautious with the use of articles and prepositions. For example, 'the boss can avoid the rental charges he needs to sustain an employee' could be more precisely phrased as 'the employer can avoid rental charges needed to maintain an office space.'

Task Achievement7.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of working from home for employees and employers. It also provides a clear position, stating that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and supports this view with relevant examples.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the extent to which remote work is a positive development by explicitly comparing it to traditional office work in the conclusion, reinforcing the essay's position.
  • Ensure a more balanced discussion by providing additional examples or evidence for the disadvantages of remote work. This will strengthen the argument and show a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • Incorporate more specific examples or references from research to substantiate claims, particularly regarding productivity and cost-effectiveness.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7

Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7

Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7

Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7