BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: DISCUSSING GOVERNMENT PRIORITIES - PUBLIC SERVICES VS ARTS INVESTMENT

Explore our IELTS essay sample with a band 7.5 score discussing the impact of government budget allocation on arts and public services. Discover the importance of funding both sectors for the betterment of society's quality of life and the financial and psychological benefits derived from the arts.

Writing Task

Some people believe that the government should prioritize investments in public services, such as education and healthcare, over spending on the arts. Others, however, argue that investing in the arts is equally important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Provide relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge to support your answer.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

It has been argued that it would be a waste of financial resources for the government to invest in arts, such as music and theater. Instead, this money has to be invested in public services. Although it is quite important to spend money on different types of public services, I do not agree that allocating national budget to the arts is a waste of money. There are several areas of public services on which the government’s budget can be spent. First and foremost, health care services can be considered an integral part of determining people’s quality of life. If the government does not spend sufficient money on hospitals and its relevant services, such as subsidizing treatment expenses or providing well-equipped clinics, the society’s health level may decline, which will in turn have a direct effect on people’s quality of life as a whole. For another, educating students properly at any level requires government’s support. By funding a larger number of schools and universities, a flourishing society where educational cost is of less concern can be expected. Despite the importance of financing public services, the significance of supporting the arts should not be overlooked at all. To begin, art institutions can easily generate much profit by encouraging people to attend concerts, visit museums or watch a live performance in theater halls. Without any help from the government, these places may have to close, leading to substantial financial losses. Moreover, different types of arts have an unparalleled role in entertaining individuals and improve their quality of life. Many people get great pleasure from going to see music and theatre performances. This means that it is crucial for the government to assist such institutions, so as they can continue to provide entertainment to the public. To conclude, there are clear benefits in ensuring that a large amount of investment goes into public services as this can influence people’s quality of life. However, I do not believe that spending money on the arts is a waste of money as it can provide important financial and psychological benefits.
Words: 343Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/22/2023, 10:48 AM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay is generally well-organized and follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The use of cohesive devices is evident, helping to guide the reader through the argument. However, there are areas where coherence and cohesion could be improved for a more seamless flow of ideas.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that pronouns and referencing are clear to avoid ambiguity. For example, when referring to 'these places' in the arts paragraph, ensure it is clear that it refers to art institutions.
  • Consider varying sentence structures to enhance the flow of ideas. This can help maintain reader interest and ensure that the argument is presented in a dynamic way.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that sentences within each paragraph logically develop that idea. For example, in the paragraph about public services, the transition from healthcare to education could be smoother to enhance coherence.
  • Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For instance, phrases like 'In addition,' 'Furthermore,' or 'On the other hand,' could be used to make transitions between ideas more explicit.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some attempts to use less common lexical items effectively. Terms like 'integral part', 'subsidizing treatment expenses', and 'unparalleled role' show some lexical sophistication. However, there are areas where word choice could be more precise, and some repetition of phrases occurs.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more subject-specific vocabulary related to arts and public services to enhance lexical resource.
  • Expand the range of vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise synonyms to avoid repetition, particularly with phrases like 'quality of life' and 'public services'.
  • Use more idiomatic expressions or collocations to demonstrate a higher level of lexical proficiency.

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and appropriate use of passive voice. The writer effectively uses a variety of sentence types to convey their arguments, which adds to the clarity and coherence of the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure the consistent use of articles, especially 'the' and 'a', as there are minor inconsistencies, such as 'government’s budget' which could be 'the government’s budget' for clarity.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement in complex sentences, for instance, 'the society’s health level may decline, which will in turn have a direct effect' could be improved by ensuring the tense consistency and agreement.
  • Refine the use of conjunctions and transitional phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and ideas, such as replacing 'For another' with a more standard phrase like 'Additionally' or 'Furthermore'.

Task Achievement7.0

The essay addresses both views of the prompt, discussing the importance of investment in public services as well as the arts. It presents a clear position that supports funding for both areas, providing relevant examples and explanations for each view. The essay effectively covers the task requirements, offering a balanced discussion and a conclusion that aligns with the argument presented.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument, particularly when discussing the benefits of arts investment.
  • Consider addressing potential counterarguments or limitations of each view to provide a more comprehensive discussion.
  • Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the thesis statement to maintain coherence throughout the essay.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
Grade Your Essay