BAND 7.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: INCREASING HOUSEHOLD AND INDUSTRIAL WASTE - CAUSES & SOLUTIONS

Explore our IELTS essay sample with a band 7.0 score discussing the importance of waste recycling and government intervention. Our well-articulated essay highlights the role of law enforcement in defining societal behaviors and the impacts of communication tactics on law compliance. Ideal for aspirants seeking to understand the nuances of a top-band IELTS essay.

Writing Task

In many countries, the amount of waste produced by households and industries is rapidly increasing, leading to serious environmental problems. Discuss the reasons for this growing problem and suggest possible solutions to reduce waste production. Support your ideas with relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Have you ever wondered how much waste produced in our accommodations is approximately getting recycled? And how much of them will persist and damage the environment? Unfortunately, This matter has been neglected and I agree that it could be handled only with governmental intervention to make recycling a legal requirement. Introduction of certain laws by the government could be an effective measure to resolve the waste recycling issues. It conveys the message that obeying this rule should be an inseparable part of our lifestyle. As some sociologists maintain, law enforcement deeply affects citizens’ unconsciousness. For instance, about twenty years ago government officials tried to reduce accident victims by enforcing that all passengers must fasten their seat belts during the journey. At first, people overreacted because they found it an extreme action and therefore they tried hard to disobey it. However, with time people started to follow the rule as they did not wish to pay heavy fines for breaking the law. Now people automatically fasten their seat belts the second they get in the car In addition, the government should be worried about the tone of voice of communicating law enforcement among people, as surveys show the majority of society usually feels an intense sensation in accepting a new rule. For example, the previous governance's destructible strategy has a lot of negative consequences, in 2013 economy faced a lot of inflation issues, and traders started to sell goods much more expensive than their value, which has been affected directly by purchase power. Officials have assumed that by making a legal requirement maybe they could control this problem. they tried to eliminate overpriced selling by threatening people with their officers and using an irrespective tone of voice in coherent, which has become a distraction toward social acceptants. Simultaneously Influencers in social media wrote against the government and make people more unhappy. Thus, in terms of publishing a legal requirement government should pay more attention to how to communicate with people and influencers' effect, which would increase the success rate. Overall, making a legal requirement in a governance way would be a strategic possibility toward increasing the rate of waste of home recycling and cultivation, although, the way of law enforcement would take a lot of effort, and resolving this problem is going to take much time, but the government would handle it patiently.
Words: 392Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 07:29 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay presents a clear central argument about the necessity of governmental intervention to mandate recycling, and it attempts to logically structure ideas around this theme. However, there are some issues with coherence and cohesion that affect the overall flow and clarity of the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the main argument of the essay. This will help guide the reader through your line of reasoning more effectively.
  • Improve the use of linking words and phrases to clearly show the relationship between ideas and paragraphs. For example, use transitions like 'Firstly,' 'Additionally,' 'Moreover,' and 'Finally' to structure your argument more clearly.
  • Clarify the connection between examples and the main argument. For instance, explicitly relate the seat belt example to how laws could influence recycling behaviors, rather than assuming the reader makes the connection.
  • Avoid abrupt shifts in topic or tone within paragraphs. For instance, the transition from discussing seat belt laws to discussing economic issues in 2013 is jarring and disrupts the flow. Ensure that examples and supporting details are closely related to the main point of the paragraph.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary with some attempts to use less common words and phrases, such as 'unconsciousness,' 'influencers,' and 'governance.' However, there are several instances of inaccurate word use and awkward phrasing that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more topic-specific vocabulary to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject matter, such as 'sustainability,' 'waste reduction,' or 'environmental impact.'
  • Expand your vocabulary by learning more precise and varied words relevant to the topic of waste management and environmental issues.
  • Avoid repetitive language. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'government,' consider synonyms like 'authorities,' 'state,' or 'administration.'
  • Pay attention to collocations and appropriate word forms. For example, 'destructible strategy' should be 'destructive strategy.'
  • Focus on using words accurately in context. For example, 'unconsciousness' should be 'subconscious' to convey the intended meaning.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including the use of complex sentences and varied sentence types. However, there are frequent grammatical errors and issues with sentence structure that impact clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Improve sentence structure by ensuring subject-verb agreement and correct use of articles. For example, 'how much waste produced in our accommodations is approximately getting recycled' should be 'how much waste is produced in our accommodations and approximately recycled'.
  • Ensure consistent tense usage throughout the essay to maintain clarity. For example, 'the government should be worried about the tone of voice' could be improved by using a more consistent tense, such as 'the government should consider the tone of voice'.
  • Use accurate punctuation to enhance readability. For instance, 'For instance, about twenty years ago government officials tried to reduce accident victims by enforcing that all passengers must fasten their seat belts during the journey.' could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate clauses.
  • Avoid run-on sentences by breaking them into separate sentences or using appropriate conjunctions. For example, 'Thus, in terms of publishing a legal requirement government should pay more attention to how to communicate with people and influencers' effect, which would increase the success rate.' could be revised for clarity.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task by discussing the role of government intervention in reducing waste production through legal requirements. It provides examples related to law enforcement, such as seat belt laws, and discusses the importance of communication strategies when implementing new laws. However, it does not fully explore the reasons for the increase in waste production or provide a variety of solutions beyond governmental legal measures.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that the essay directly addresses both parts of the task prompt: discussing reasons for the problem and suggesting solutions.
  • Include specific examples related to waste management to support the discussion, rather than relying solely on examples of law enforcement in other areas.
  • Clearly outline the reasons for the increase in waste production, such as consumerism, industrial growth, and lack of recycling infrastructure.
  • Provide a broader range of solutions beyond government intervention, such as public awareness campaigns, technological innovations in waste management, and incentives for businesses to reduce waste.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6

Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6

Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6

Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6