BAND 7.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: IMPACT OF TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCEMENTS ON LIFESTYLE - SIMPLIFICATION VS COMPLICATION

Explore our Band 7.0 IELTS essay sample discussing the impact and benefits of cutting-edge technology on human lives. Highlighting aspects of communication and healthcare, this sample provides a balanced view on the convenience and complexity that comes with technological advancement.

Writing Task

Some people argue that technological advancements have made our lives more complicated rather than simpler. Others, however, believe that these advancements have made our lives easier and more efficient. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Support your answer with relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The impact of the cutting-edge technology development has always been a controversial debate among people. While there are a number of people who have strictly believed that this enhancement has not made the human lives more convenient, others have maintained that new technology is a key feature of modern life which have been helpful for humans. Personally, I take the view that technological improvement have made the life easier and will have been more practical in near future. There are several rationales why some individuals are contradicting with technological advancement. The chief reason would lie in the fact that contemporary life has been surrounded by vast range of applications, have been offered by new technology. This rush has provided a complex choosing matrix, that would make anybody confused. For instance, when you intend to select a tour for your vacations, there are numerous scenarios, which could be misleading. In addition, a salient attribute of the new technology is its fast alternation. To elaborate more, this fast-paced steps would be an obstacle for human specially in job market. For example, today it is crucial for any employee to be in a constant learning process that can make work force exhausted. In contrast to the prior opinion, a group of people have asserted that not only new technology has not resulted in complication, but also it it has been helpful for improving human welfare. There are many stark examples to this usefulness. The major one is for communication sector, which have been feasible as it removed conventional barriers between peoples. Today, people from all walks of life are could have access to any data and pedagogical contents. The second system, would be the healthcare system which have taken a wide range of the benefits from this development. By relying on cutting-edge technology many infective diseases have been eradicated. In the end, despite the fact that new technology may make the routine life more complex, I think that its pros outweigh its cons and it have been beneficial in terms of making humans lives more convenient.
Words: 343Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 07:17 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay attempts to address both views on the impact of technological advancements and presents a personal opinion. However, the coherence and cohesion are somewhat lacking due to issues with paragraph structure, logical progression, and the use of linking words.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition of ideas and phrases to enhance cohesion. For instance, 'cutting-edge technology' and 'new technology' are used interchangeably without clear distinction, which can confuse readers.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and supports it with relevant examples. For instance, the paragraph discussing the complexity of technology should focus solely on that aspect without diverging into unrelated points.
  • Use a consistent structure to compare and contrast the views. For example, dedicate one paragraph to each perspective and a separate one for your opinion, ensuring each section is clearly delineated.
  • Improve logical progression by clearly linking ideas between and within paragraphs. Use cohesive devices like 'Firstly,' 'Furthermore,' and 'In addition' to guide the reader through your arguments.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of technological advancements, with some attempts at using less common lexical items. However, there are several instances of incorrect word choices and collocations, which affect the clarity and precision of the ideas expressed.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more precise and varied vocabulary related to technology, such as 'technological innovations,' 'digital transformation,' or 'automation,' to add depth to the discussion.
  • Work on improving word choice and collocations. For instance, instead of 'cutting-edge technology development,' use 'advancements in cutting-edge technology.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement in phrases such as 'technology is a key feature' and 'technological improvement have made.'
  • Avoid repetition of phrases like 'new technology' by using synonyms or rephrasing to enhance lexical variety.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay displays a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and passive constructions. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and tense usage, which hinder clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to the use of singular and plural forms. For example, 'human lives' should be 'human life' in certain contexts.
  • Use more varied sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. For example, incorporate more conditional sentences or relative clauses to add complexity.
  • Review subject-verb agreement rules, especially in complex sentences. For example, 'technology is a key feature... which have been helpful' should be 'which has been helpful.'
  • Ensure consistent tense usage throughout the essay. For instance, 'technological improvement have made the life easier and will have been more practical' is confusing and should be revised for clarity.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument regarding technological advancements and provides a personal opinion. However, the discussion is somewhat imbalanced as the arguments against technological advancements are less developed compared to the supporting arguments.

Recommendations:

  • Use specific examples from personal experience or knowledge to support each viewpoint, enhancing the clarity and persuasiveness of the arguments.
  • Ensure that both views are discussed with equal depth and detail. Provide more examples and explanations for the viewpoint that technological advancements complicate life.
  • Clarify the personal opinion in the conclusion and ensure it logically follows from the arguments presented.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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