BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: TECHNOLOGY'S IMPACT ON INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION - PROS AND CONS

Explore Band 7.5 IELTS essay samples and learn about the impact of technology on human communication. From facilitating connections to causing misunderstandings, delve into the pros and cons of modern communicative tools and devices. Perfect for IELTS preparation or understanding societal perspectives on technology in communication.

Writing Task

Some people believe that technological advancements are negatively affecting interpersonal communication, while others argue that technology has improved communication. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Support your answer with relevant examples and explanations.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.5 Scoring and Feedback

Communication has always been a crucial issue among humans. Considering its significance, a wide range of communicative tools and devices have been created so far. In the current era, technology has provided more and more facilities to ease communication. Yet some people argue that these aparatuses are detrimental to how people get in touch. In the case of applying technology in order to communicate with others, there are a number of people who have opposing ideas. They belive that utilizing these devices have decreased the gatherings and quality times with friends and families. Also, they assume that conversing through smart phones have caused some troubles and misunderstandings in relationships that could have been simply resolved if those people communicated in person. Another drawback of technology in this matter is the rising use of social media. Nowadays, some people tend to surf the social media applications and websites and follow their network in the virtual space rather than participating in real-life social groups. As a concequence, this will lead to more anxiety of the crowd and other mental disorders such as depression. On the other hand lies the attitude of the group of people who consider these modern tools as communication facilitators. They believe that these aparatuses have made it easy for anyone, even the very introverts, to simply built up a rapport or take part in a network with similar interests since these devices have removed numerous first impression obstacles and have prepared an area for all types of characters and tastes to be revealed less worried. In conclusion, any novel change in haman lifestyle might have its positive or negative results. Despite the fact that both parties' perspectives regarding the modern ways of communication is rational, I take the positive view as my own and I think that these modern devices are more beneficial to interpersonal relationships.
Words: 308Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 10:51 PM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay presents a clear structure, discussing both views on the impact of technology on communication and providing the writer's opinion. The ideas are logically organized, with clear paragraphing and transitions between paragraphs. However, there are some instances where cohesion could be improved for smoother flow.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied sentence structures to maintain reader interest and improve the overall cohesion of the essay.
  • Improve the use of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, use phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition,' to introduce additional points.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is well-developed. For instance, in the paragraph discussing the drawbacks of technology, ensure that each sentence clearly supports the main idea of the paragraph.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common lexical items like 'apparatuses', 'rapport', and 'introverts'. However, there are several instances of incorrect word choice and spelling errors that detract from the overall effectiveness of the lexical resource.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more topic-specific vocabulary related to technology and communication, such as 'digital platforms', 'virtual communication', or 'online interactions', to demonstrate a wider lexical range.
  • Ensure correct spelling of words such as 'belive' (believe), 'aparatuses' (apparatuses), 'concequence' (consequence), and 'haman' (human).
  • Use more precise and varied vocabulary to express ideas, such as replacing 'get in touch' with 'engage' or 'interact' to enhance clarity and sophistication.
  • Avoid repetition of phrases like 'social media' and 'communication' by using synonyms or rephrasing sentences to maintain reader interest and showcase lexical diversity.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence lengths. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage, which slightly hinder comprehension.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to the correct use of articles ('a,' 'an,' 'the') to improve sentence accuracy and clarity.
  • Proofread the essay to identify and correct minor grammatical errors, such as spelling mistakes ('believe,' 'consequence,' 'apparatuses,' 'human').
  • Review and practice subject-verb agreement rules, especially with complex subjects, to ensure verbs match their subjects in number.
  • Ensure consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay to maintain clarity and coherence.

Task Achievement7.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both views on the impact of technology on communication and provides an opinion. However, the discussion lacks depth and specific examples to fully support the arguments presented.

Recommendations:

  • Expand on the analysis of each viewpoint to include more detailed explanations of how technology affects interpersonal communication, both positively and negatively.
  • Ensure that the conclusion clearly summarizes the main points discussed and reinforces the opinion with a stronger rationale based on the arguments presented.
  • Provide more specific examples to support each viewpoint discussed in the essay. For instance, mention particular technologies or social media platforms that have impacted communication.
GRADED
6.5
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:6.5
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7

Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6

Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6

Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7