BAND 7.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EXPLORING ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF RISING REMOTE WORK TREND

Explore our detailed Band 7.0 IELTS essay sample discussing the pros and cons of remote work. Discover how advancements in technology have opened up opportunities for those who find traditional workplaces inaccessible, while also posing challenges to interpersonal skills development. Gain insights from personal anecdotes and research data about the impact of remote work during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Writing Task

In recent years, the number of people choosing to work remotely has increased significantly, resulting in a considerable shift in the traditional workplace environment. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend, and provide your opinion on whether this shift towards remote work is ultimately beneficial or detrimental to society as a whole. Support your arguments with relevant examples and evidence.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.5 Scoring and Feedback

The world has seen rapid advancements in technology in the last 20 years. Consequently, the workforce has gained the opportunity to work remotely with access to high quality wifi and computers with high processing capabilities, thus eliminating the need for traditional workplaces. This change in workplace dynamics is beneficial to people who have the skills but are unable to work. On the contrary, this shift also leads to individuals not developing the skills that traditional workplaces may offer. Remote work enables people with physical restrictions to provide their services to companies and make a living conveniently. To be specific, the people who benefit from remote work are parents, people living in areas lacking in job opportunities relevant to them, and companies that do not have large offices to host their employees. A recent example of this is my aunt who works as a software developer. She is a mother of two, but one of her sons gets sick often so she is unable to join in office jobs. Through remote work she is able to practice her skills and earn through them from home. This shows how home-based jobs increase opportunities for individuals. However, virtual jobs do not allow employees to interact with each other and leave no room for individuals to learn life skills such as people dealing. This is due to the fact that most online work uses emails, messaging and video chats as means of communication with employees. As a result, neither strong bonds are formed between employees nor exchange of soft skills. An excellent example of this would be when almost everyone went "work from home" during COVID 19 pandemic, the past few years. Many surveys and polls that were conducted, indicated that when when people joined regular in-office work they had trouble communicating and dealing with people at work. Showing that onine work has its cons. All things considered, I believe that the merits of remote work greatly outweigh its drawbacks. The opportunites and benefits that remote work offers are numerous, and even though there is a lack of professional development with remote work, it is not that significant.
Words: 354Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 06:19 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.5

The essay is structured in a logical manner with clear paragraph divisions that address the prompt's requirements. Each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining coherence throughout. The introduction sets the context effectively, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the writer's stance. However, some areas could benefit from improved cohesion to strengthen the argument flow.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader through the argument being presented.
  • Incorporate linking phrases to better connect examples to the main argument, ensuring the reader understands the relevance of each example.
  • Use more cohesive devices, such as 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'however', to enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Avoid repetition of ideas, such as the benefits of remote work, which are mentioned multiple times without adding new information.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with generally accurate use of words and phrases. There are some instances of less precise word choice and occasional repetition, but overall, the lexical resource is effective in conveying the intended meaning.

Recommendations:

  • Expand the range of vocabulary by using synonyms to avoid repetition of words such as 'work' and 'remote'. For example, use terms like 'telecommuting', 'virtual work', or 'home-based employment'.
  • Incorporate more precise and varied vocabulary to describe advantages and disadvantages. Instead of 'beneficial', consider using words like 'advantageous', 'favorable', or 'constructive'.
  • Be cautious with word forms and ensure consistency, such as 'opportunities' instead of 'opportunites' and 'online' instead of 'onine'. Proofreading can help catch these errors.
  • Use more complex and varied sentence structures to enhance lexical resource. This can include using more sophisticated connectors and transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a good grasp of grammatical structures, using a variety of sentence forms including complex and compound sentences. However, there are occasional grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that slightly hinder clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Use a wider range of conjunctions and transitional phrases to enhance coherence and cohesion, such as 'however,' 'therefore,' and 'moreover,' to link ideas more effectively.
  • Ensure consistency in tense usage throughout the essay to maintain clarity and coherence.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement errors such as 'when when people joined regular in-office work they had trouble communicating and dealing with people at work.' Correct repetition and ensure verbs agree with their subjects.
  • Improve sentence structure by avoiding run-on sentences. For example, 'Consequently, the workforce has gained the opportunity to work remotely with access to high quality wifi and computers with high processing capabilities, thus eliminating the need for traditional workplaces.' could be split for better clarity.

Task Achievement6.5

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of remote work and provides a clear opinion on the issue. It includes relevant examples to support the arguments, such as the example of the author's aunt and the impact of COVID-19. The response is generally well-focused on the task, though it could benefit from a more balanced analysis of both sides.

Recommendations:

  • Develop the conclusion further to reinforce the opinion and summarize key points discussed.
  • Ensure a balanced discussion by providing more detailed examples or evidence for both advantages and disadvantages of remote work.
  • Integrate more diverse examples or data to strengthen the argument and show a broader perspective on the issue.
GRADED
6.5
Coherence and Cohesion:6.5
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.5
Band Score:6.5
Coherence and Cohesion6.5
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6.5
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count6
Grade Your Essay