BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: MODERN TECHNOLOGY'S IMPACT ON SOCIETY'S CONNECTION - AGREE OR DISAGREE?

Explore this comprehensive band 7.5 IELTS essay sample discussing the growing dependence on technology in education. From the challenges of original thought deprivation and widespread plagiarism to concrete solutions like critical thinking classes and plagiarism detection software, delve into the prominent issues and their viable solutions for learning in the digital age.

Writing Task

In today's world, people have become increasingly reliant on modern technology for communication and gathering information. While some argue this has led to a more connected and informed society, others believe that this reliance on technology has made people more disconnected from one another. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this perspective? Provide relevant examples and evidence to support your answer.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Learners are becoming ever more dependent on technology, such as the Internet and mobile devices. This essay believes the main problems associated with dependence on computers is the lack of original thought and copying original work from others and suggests critical thinking classes and writing analysis software as the most viable solutions. The principal problems with over-reliance on technology are people not being able to think for themselves and plagiarism. With access to so much information, students often rely on other people’s opinions instead of forming their own. As well as this, they often use search engines to answer a question and simply copy the text from a website, rather than thinking about the question. This practice is not only prohibited in schools and universities but also stunts a student’s intellectual development because they will never truly think for themselves, which is what university is supposed to really be for. For example, many teachers complain that students copy web pages straight from Wikipedia word for word rather than giving a reasoned answer to their questions. Solutions to these worrying problems are special classes to focus on critical thinking and teachers using anti-plagiarism software to detect copying. If teachers create situations where students have to infer meaning and express opinions based on a small amount of information, this will ensure that students have an opportunity to develop these skills. Also, if students know that their assignments are being checked for plagiarism, this will be enough to deter them from doing so. For instance, many universities already use this kind of software to scan course work for plagiarism and it could be extended to include all homework, by learners in both secondary and tertiary education. In conclusion, the main problems with overuse of technology in education are the lack of original thought and plagiarism and these can be solved through special classes that teach students analytical skills and the use of plagiarism detection software.
Words: 322Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 03:27 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay demonstrates a logical structure with clear paragraphing, aiding in the overall coherence and cohesion. Each paragraph has a central idea, and there is a logical progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion. However, the essay's connection to the task prompt could be more explicit, as it focuses more on educational aspects rather than the broader societal impact of technology reliance. Additionally, while cohesive devices are used, the range and variety could be expanded to enhance the flow and connection of ideas.

Recommendations:

  • Make explicit connections between the main argument and the task prompt by integrating examples that reflect the broader societal context.
  • Ensure each paragraph directly addresses the task prompt, focusing on both societal and educational impacts of technology reliance.
  • Use a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively, such as 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'consequently' to enhance the flow.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of technology's impact on education. It uses terms like 'dependence,' 'plagiarism,' and 'critical thinking,' which are appropriate for the context. However, the lexical resource could be enhanced by incorporating more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely and to avoid repetition.

Recommendations:

  • Include more collocations and idiomatic expressions to enhance the natural flow of the essay, such as 'reliant on' could be varied with 'dependent upon' or 'heavily reliant on.'
  • Incorporate more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition, such as using synonyms for 'technology' like 'digital tools' or 'modern devices.'
  • Use more precise and sophisticated vocabulary to convey complex ideas, such as 'intellectual development' could be expanded with terms like 'cognitive growth' or 'intellectual autonomy.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and appropriate use of passive voice. However, there are occasional errors in subject-verb agreement and article usage that affect the overall grammatical accuracy.

Recommendations:

  • Continue using a variety of complex sentence structures to maintain a high level of grammatical range.
  • Review subject-verb agreement rules to ensure verbs consistently match their subjects in number.
  • Pay attention to article usage, particularly the use of definite and indefinite articles, to enhance clarity and precision.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the reliance on technology, focusing on educational contexts. It identifies problems such as lack of original thought and plagiarism, and proposes solutions like critical thinking classes and plagiarism detection software. However, it does not directly address the broader societal implications of technology reliance in communication and information gathering as specified in the prompt.

Recommendations:

  • Provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument regarding technology's role in societal connection and disconnection, and include examples beyond education.
  • Incorporate examples and evidence that directly relate to the broader societal impact of technology reliance, not just within education.
  • Ensure that the essay directly addresses the prompt's specific focus on societal connection and information gathering, rather than limiting the discussion to educational settings.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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