BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: BALANCING TECHNOLOGICAL INVESTMENTS AND SOCIAL ISSUES FOR COUNTRY'S DEVELOPMENT
Explore a Band 7.5 IELTS essay sample that discusses the impact of technology advances and social issue management on the progression of society. Dive into examples from the medical and engineering industries and understand the importance of balanced government investment.
Writing Task
Many people believe that investing in technologies and scientific research is a priority for a country's development, while others argue that it is more important to focus on addressing social issues such as poverty and unemployment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Provide examples from your own experience or knowledge to support your viewpoint.
IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback
A progressing society can be dependent on its levels of technology advances, while there are opposite beliefs that to tackle social affairs is more crucial. In my opinion, it is best for national leaders to target their investments in both fields for the general benefit of their citizens.
First and foremost, investing in advanced technology and inventing new machineries elevates the efficiency of the workforce, such as medical or engineering industries. It is hard to deny that the supports of artificial intelligence in hospitals are bringing positive results in the treatment and recovery of patients. For instance, many medical centers from developed countries have been adopting robot surgeons instead of human. As a result, reports show less mistakes and errors have occured when performing surgery tasks on human bodies. Moreover, robot nurses in Japan and Korea help accompanying patients and entertain them during their recovery. In engineering, new technologies in creating holograms and virtual softwares give engineers and architects many opportunities to run various simulations on computers before making real buildings, this results in much more refined and safer public amenities.
However, addressing social issues is also of equal importance to governments to concern. There are many detrimental effects that come from overpopulation in urban areas and the pollution that follows. City dwellers are suffering from overcrowding, which directly causes traffic ingestion in cities. Looking deeper into the situation, it can harm the economy of the country by decreasing the sufficiency in the workflow of employees. To improve this, more regulations should be published in distributing industrial areas in the outskirts of the cities. Another potential thread comes from air pollution. Many people and children have been suffering from respiratory disorders from a toxic atmostphere caused by vehicles on the streets. This can cause severely damage to the public's health in a long time period.
In conclusion, whether the governments should focus on investing in technologies and scientific research or solving social problems is debatable to some people. Despite this, I strongly believe they should equally take care of every aspect of society in order to maintain a healthy and longing society.
Words: 352|Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/15/2023, 12:43 PM
Coherence And Cohesion6.0
Lexical Resource6.0
Grammatical Range6.0
Task Achievement6.0
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:How well the essay is organized and how well ideas are connected throughout.6.0
Lexical Resource:The range of vocabulary used and how accurately and appropriately it is used.6.0
Grammatical Range:The range and accurate use of grammar structures.6.0
Task Achievement:How well the essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a fully developed response.6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6