BAND 7.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: TECHNOLOGY'S IMPACT ON PERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Explore our in-depth IELTS Band 7.0 essay sample discussing both the pros and cons of how technological advances have changed human communication. Discover how it impacts face-to-face interactions and international collaborations. Enhance your IELTS writing skills with our samples.

Writing Task

Some people believe that the increasing use of technology in our daily lives has led to a decline in our ability to communicate effectively. Others argue that advancements in technology have improved the way we interact with one another. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Provide relevant examples and evidence to support your answer.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

people are divided on the question of whether or not technological advances have altered the way human beings used to communicate . while it is hard to ignore the negative aspect of technological improvements on our daily interactions, I share the same view with those who believe they have paved the way for a better and more efficient communication. on the one hand, it is often argued that technology has rendered our face-to-face interactions damaged. one legitimate reason why many believe so is that due to enhancement of technology, people tend to make their communication by means of the internet and cutting edge technological devices. This might result from the fact that technology has made people far busier than the past, leading to their being unwilling to spend their time socializing with people properly. In fact, instead of spending a considerable amount time communicating with their loved ones, people tend to make a quick phone call or use instant messaging in order to interact with them. on the other hand, despite negative impacts of technology on our regular interactions,I am in more agreement with those who think it has improved the way we communicate with each other in many different ways. In my view, technology has decreased the importance of international borders. In other words, living in the golden era of technology, individuals can make international collaborations with others in every part of the globe without having to be physically in a certain country. As a case in point, with businessmen having this great possibility, they are more likely to make a fruitful and profitable communications with businesses from all over the world, resulting in their having a better prospect in their careers. Therefore, it stand to reason that, technological advances has changed the way we make connection with people in a more positive ways. overall, while I understand the logic behind some people's arguments about destructive impacts of technological enhancements on our daily communications, I side with those who think such advances have provided us with more beneficial methods of interactions.
Words: 342Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 04:58 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay presents a structured response with clear paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument regarding technology's impact on communication. However, there are issues with logical progression and paragraph development.

Recommendations:

  • Use consistent referencing to previous points to maintain cohesion, such as 'as mentioned earlier' or 'this demonstrates that'.
  • Improve paragraph transitions by using linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly, such as 'furthermore', 'in contrast', or 'for example'.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and is fully developed; avoid abrupt shifts in ideas without explanation.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable errors and inconsistencies in word choice, collocation, and word form that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Improve word choice and use more precise vocabulary. For example, instead of 'rendered our face-to-face interactions damaged,' consider 'diminished the quality of our face-to-face interactions.'
  • Pay attention to collocations and ensure that words are used in natural combinations, such as 'spend a considerable amount of time' instead of 'spending a considerable amount time.'
  • Work on using more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to express ideas more clearly. For instance, 'international collaborations' could be enhanced to 'global partnerships' for more impact.
  • Avoid repetition of words and phrases, such as 'technological advances' and 'communication,' by using synonyms or paraphrasing to maintain reader interest and demonstrate lexical flexibility.
  • Be careful with plural and singular forms, as seen in 'it stand to reason' which should be 'it stands to reason,' and ensure subject-verb agreement is correct.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and passive constructions. However, there are several grammatical errors and inconsistencies that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistent use of tense, particularly in longer sentences. For instance, 'technology has made people far busier than the past' should be 'technology has made people far busier than they were in the past'.
  • Use articles correctly. For instance, 'a considerable amount time' should be 'a considerable amount of time'.
  • Pay attention to plural forms and noun consistency. For example, 'a better and more efficient communication' should be 'better and more efficient communication' or 'a better and more efficient way of communicating'.
  • Capitalize the first word of a sentence and proper nouns. For example, 'people are divided' should start with 'People', and 'on the one hand' should be 'On the one hand'.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences. For example, 'it stand to reason' should be 'it stands to reason'.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task by discussing both views regarding the impact of technology on communication and providing a clear opinion. It offers relevant examples to support the argument that technology has improved communication, particularly in terms of international interactions.

Recommendations:

  • Use more specific examples to illustrate the negative impacts of technology on communication, such as reduced face-to-face interactions or decreased social skills, to strengthen the argument.
  • Ensure both sides of the argument are equally developed. The positive impacts of technology are explored more thoroughly than the negative ones. Consider adding more examples or evidence to support the view that technology has negatively affected communication.
  • Clarify the main points in the introduction and conclusion to ensure they clearly reflect the essay's stance and cover both sides of the argument. This will improve coherence and ensure the reader understands the essay's position from the outset.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6

Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6

Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6

Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6