BAND 7.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF INCREASED REMOTE WORK TREND

Explore the pros and cons of remote working through our Band 7.0 IELTS essay sample. Understand how remote work affects stress levels, flexibility, team efficiency, and accuracy. Discover insights from real-life experiences during the COVID pandemic, and join the discussion on whether the advantages of remote working outweigh the disadvantages.

Writing Task

In recent years, the number of people choosing to work remotely has increased significantly, resulting in a considerable shift in the traditional workplace environment. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend, and provide your opinion on whether this shift towards remote work is ultimately beneficial or detrimental to society as a whole. Support your arguments with relevant examples and evidence.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Nowadays the majority of people are convinced that it is more beneficial for them to do remote working instead of occupying in conventional and traditional forms of vocations in an office. Although many people are working in their offices, there are a lot of people who tend to opt remote working. In the paragraphs to come, I shall be putting my views on both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic and peddle up my opinion on the topic. On the one hand, when employees are working remotely they have less stress and their working time is more flexible. It is a fact that when people are in their home they not only feel more comfortable but also they can also manage their home and children, as a result their performance increases and they feel less amount of stress about both their work and children. Moreover, when employees are in their own home and work remotely, their time as also more flexible and there is no pressure and strict control on them and they can work whenever they wish. For example, during Corona virus pandemic I had to work remotely and it was my first experience of remote working. Not only had I very good feeling, but also I had a very good relationship with my colleagues through social media. We were doing our jobs successfully and we had less stress. On the other hand, remote working has some disadvantages including less accuracy and difficulties in guiding a teamwork remotely. To put it another words, when employees are not in their offices and especially when they are in their home there are lots of distractions for them that avoid concentration. Furthermore, it is a fact that managers cant control and monitor the employees during remote working and it is hard to keep in touch with all of the group members at the same time. Consequently, the accuracy decreases. For example, some recent surveyed showed that one of the most difficult tasks during Corona pandemic was setting a good meeting with all the employees since there were lots of distraction during the meetings. To make a long story short, despite the fact that there are some negative points such ass less accuracy and hardships in guiding employees in the field of remote working, I believe that the advantages of working remotely outweigh the disadvantages and especially during pandemics as it decreases the level of stress and provide workers by flexible time lines.
Words: 411Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/24/2023, 09:27 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are issues with coherence and cohesion that affect the overall flow and clarity of the argument. The introduction is somewhat repetitive, and transitions between ideas are not always smooth. Furthermore, the use of linking words and cohesive devices is limited, which sometimes makes the progression of ideas unclear.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that supporting sentences are directly related to this main idea to enhance paragraph cohesion.
  • Improve the use of linking words and cohesive devices to ensure a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, use phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' 'In contrast,' and 'However' to better guide the reader through your argument.
  • Avoid repetitive phrases and ensure that each sentence contributes a new idea or perspective. This will help maintain the reader's interest and enhance coherence.
  • Develop a more concise introduction that clearly outlines the main points to be discussed without repetition, setting a clear roadmap for the reader.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of remote work, using terms such as 'remote working', 'traditional forms of vocations', 'flexible', 'distractions', and 'accuracy'. However, there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing that affect clarity and precision. Some expressions, like 'peddle up my opinion', are non-standard and could confuse the reader. Additionally, there is a misuse of some phrases, such as 'opt remote working' instead of 'opt for remote working'.

Recommendations:

  • Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and alternative expressions to avoid repetition and enhance clarity. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'remote working', consider variations like 'telecommuting' or 'working from home'.
  • Use collocations accurately, such as 'opt for remote work' instead of 'opt remote working', to make your writing more natural and precise.
  • Avoid non-standard expressions and ensure that phrases are used correctly in context. For example, replace 'peddle up my opinion' with 'present my opinion'.

Grammatical Range5.5

The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at using a range of grammatical structures. There are instances of complex sentence structures, such as conditional clauses and relative clauses. However, there are also several grammatical inaccuracies, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect verb forms, and awkward phrasing, which detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence structures to include more complex sentences, such as using more subordinate clauses to add depth to the argument.
  • Use correct verb forms consistently. For example, 'tend to opt for remote working' instead of 'tend to opt remote working.'
  • Avoid awkward phrasing by using more natural expressions. For example, 'occupying in conventional forms of vocations' should be 'engaging in conventional vocations.'
  • Use punctuation correctly to separate clauses and improve readability, such as using commas after introductory phrases or before conjunctions in compound sentences.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement throughout the essay. For example, 'people are working' instead of 'people is working.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of remote work and provides a personal opinion. The arguments are supported with examples, although the essay could benefit from more balanced and detailed evidence for both sides.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied examples or evidence to support claims, enhancing the credibility and depth of the discussion.
  • Ensure a balanced discussion by providing equal depth and evidence for both advantages and disadvantages of remote work.
  • Strengthen the opinion section by clearly summarizing the key points and providing a more detailed rationale for why the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.5
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6

Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6

Grammatical Range5.5
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar5

Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6