BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: TECHNOLOGY'S IMPACT, MAKING LIVES SIMPLE OR COMPLICATED?

Explore the complex implications of advanced technology in our daily lives through this Band 6.5 IELTS essay sample. Understand how digital advancements simplify tasks while possibly complicating lifestyles and cultural interactions due to global connectivity.

Writing Task

Some people believe that modern technology has made our lives more complicated, while others argue that it has simplified our lives in various aspects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion on the impact of technology on our daily lives.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Despite the advantages brought by the advancement of cutting-edge technologies through our life, still it is argued that in overall it has mixed the living with complexity or ease in different facets. While some believe that utilization of technology is helping to perform jobs more straightforward, I reckon it has influenced individual routines to become more intricate. Undoubtedly, if the innovations resulted in the creation of novel technologies had not been fostered, humanity would have struggled for doing basic chores. This is the main point in the favor of technologies. To illustrate, financial transactions can be done with less effort and tension than before, by just clicking on applications, wherever suits you without any need to be present at banks. Secondly, such benefits empower societies to become more dynamic. In fact, technologies have connected people together and this connectivity resulted in handling different works extremely brisk, amplifying mobility through communities, enabling people to save time for further activity. In spite of the abovementioned merits, it has caused problems in many ways. Basically, the lifestyle, handed down through generations from our ancestors, is far from being internationally connected. In essence, nations with a variety of cultures and legacies, in most of the times, cannot tolerate each other. Although there are many successful recorded incidents of international cooperations in history, the recorded conflicts were enormously higher than that. I reckon dealing with different nations, enabled by social media, which is one the products of information technology, is making our lives more difficult as people all around the world needs to compromise with each other, while there is not a coverage between their goals. I opine, in terms of comminating and altering the lifestyle that humans are accustomed to have, technology have brough irreversible consequences that can turn the table on it. In conclusion, technology and its outcomes have helped humanity to do their works easily and briskly in first look. However, the demerits cannot be overlooked as it has violated our traditions and lifestyles, whilst the interconnectivity, resulted from an instant access to internet all around the world, is not suitable for cultures as there are lots of insoluble differences among them.
Words: 360Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/23/2023, 06:06 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay presents both views on the impact of technology and offers an opinion. However, the coherence and cohesion are somewhat lacking due to abrupt transitions and unclear topic sentences, which affect the logical progression of ideas.

Recommendations:

  • Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea.
  • Improve the use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly and logically across sentences and paragraphs.
  • Avoid overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader; instead, use a mix of simple and complex sentences to improve readability and coherence.
  • Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next, maintaining a consistent and clear argument throughout the essay.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of technology and its impacts. There are attempts to use less common lexical items such as 'cutting-edge technologies', 'novel technologies', 'amplifying mobility', and 'irreversible consequences'. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice and collocations, which sometimes hinder clarity and precision. For instance, phrases like 'mixed the living with complexity or ease' and 'comminating and altering the lifestyle' are awkward and unclear. Additionally, some words are used incorrectly or awkwardly, such as 'abovementioned merits' and 'brough'.

Recommendations:

  • Review common phrases and collocations related to technology and lifestyle to improve naturalness and coherence in your writing.
  • Focus on improving word choice and collocations to ensure clarity and precision. Consider using vocabulary that more accurately conveys your intended meaning.
  • Expand your range of vocabulary by learning synonyms and antonyms, and practice using them in context to avoid repetitive language.
  • Avoid using complex vocabulary incorrectly. Ensure you fully understand the meaning and context of less common words before incorporating them into your essay.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and some attempts at passive voice. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence beginnings to enhance readability and avoid repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with 'In fact' or 'I reckon.'
  • Improve sentence structure by avoiding run-on sentences and ensuring that each sentence conveys a clear, complete thought.
  • Use articles correctly, such as 'the' before 'internet' and 'the table,' to improve the precision of your ideas.
  • Refine the use of complex structures to ensure they are grammatical and clear, such as 'if the innovations resulted in the creation of novel technologies had not been fostered' which is awkward and could be simplified for clarity.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, especially in sentences like 'technology have brough irreversible consequences' which should be 'technology has brought irreversible consequences.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both views on the impact of modern technology on our lives, and provides the writer's opinion. The argument is clear, and examples are given to support the points made. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer structure and more balanced discussion of both views.

Recommendations:

  • Summarize both views more explicitly in the conclusion to reinforce the discussion and clearly state your opinion.
  • Clarify the main opinion in the introduction and ensure it is consistently referred to throughout the essay.
  • Ensure that both views are discussed with equal depth and clarity. Expand on the view that technology simplifies life to match the detail given to the view that it complicates life.
  • Provide more specific examples for each view to strengthen the argument. For instance, give examples of how technology has simplified communication or healthcare.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6

Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6

Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6

Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6