BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: IMPACT OF TECHNOLOGY ON HUMAN COMMUNICATION - VIEWS AND DISCUSSION

Explore our IELTS essay sample scored at Band 6.5, discussing the impact of technology on communication and lifestyle. Includes analysis of the benefits and drawbacks of technology, with practical examples and insights. Ideal for students studying abroad and individuals interested in the relation between technology and social skills.

Writing Task

Some people believe that the increasing use of technology in our daily lives has led to a decline in our ability to communicate effectively. Others argue that advancements in technology have improved the way we interact with one another. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Provide relevant examples and evidence to support your answer.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

There are different opinions about whether technology has had effective effect on our lives or not. I personally believe that it has facilitated the way people communicate and I will give my reasons below. To begin with, it has improved the way people get in touch with each other. In other words, there is no longer burden of connecting with people miles away from each other as technology eliminated that. It brings people closer by video calling whenever they want. For instance, for a family that sent their children for education abroad that would be good option to make contact with them .it actually mentally relived both sides from the sadness of homesick. However, there are some negatives in the case that people use it wrongly. those who are obsessed with technology may neglect from their family and do not engage in verbal communication with them. Besides, in larger community, it is challenging for them to start a relationship and they may become lonely. This loneliness can contribute to an extensive range of mental disorders. For example, a person who has been always on social media many are not good at building a new relationship in real world and it can lead to decline in circle of friends. In conclusion, the advantages of technology outweigh its drawback. we should always consider using everything to the fullest. I would add that people should strike a balance between their life and using technology in order that live extremely happily with their family.
Words: 250Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/24/2023, 06:17 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the coherence and cohesion are somewhat inconsistent due to abrupt transitions and lack of clear linking words in some parts.

Recommendations:

  • Revisit the conclusion to ensure it effectively summarizes the key points discussed in the essay and aligns with the thesis statement.
  • Ensure each paragraph logically follows from the previous one. Use transition phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Conversely' to improve flow.
  • Use more varied cohesive devices such as 'for example', 'in addition', and 'furthermore' to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more smoothly.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, employing some topic-specific terms related to technology and communication. However, there are noticeable issues with word choice and collocation, which occasionally hinder clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to spelling and minor typographical errors, such as 'relived' which should be 'relieved', to maintain clarity.
  • Expand vocabulary range by learning and practicing more topic-specific terms related to technology and communication to enhance lexical resource.
  • Work on collocations and word choice to ensure that the selected words fit naturally within the context. For example, 'effective effect' can be improved to 'positive impact'.
  • Use a wider variety of synonyms to avoid repetition, such as varying the use of 'technology' and 'communication' with alternatives like 'digital tools' and 'interaction'.

Grammatical Range5.5

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrases that impede clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure subject-verb agreement in sentences, such as 'technology has had effective effect' which should be 'technology has had an effective effect.'
  • Use articles correctly, for example, 'the way people get in touch' should be 'the way people get in touch with each other.'
  • Improve punctuation usage, especially with commas and periods, to enhance readability. For example, 'For instance, for a family that sent their children for education abroad that would be good option to make contact with them .' should be 'For instance, for a family that sent their children for education abroad, video calling is a good option to maintain contact.'
  • Work on using more varied sentence structures, including conditional sentences and passive voice, to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
  • Avoid run-on sentences by breaking them into smaller, more manageable sentences. For example, 'In conclusion, the advantages of technology outweigh its drawback. we should always consider using everything to the fullest.' should be two separate sentences with the correct capitalization and punctuation.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on the impact of technology on communication and provides a clear opinion. The argument for technology improving communication is supported with examples, such as video calling reducing homesickness. The counterargument is also presented, highlighting potential negative impacts like neglecting family communication and social isolation. The conclusion reiterates the opinion that technology's advantages outweigh its drawbacks and suggests a balanced approach to technology use.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more balanced development of both views by including more detailed examples and evidence for the negative impacts of technology.
  • Include more specific examples or evidence, such as studies or statistics, to strengthen the argument and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
  • Ensure that the opinion is consistently clear throughout the essay, integrating it more explicitly in the discussion of both views.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.5
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5.5
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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