BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EXPLORING PROS AND CONS OF REMOTE WORK IN TECH ERA

Explore our IELTS essay sample to understand the impact of advanced technology on remote work opportunities. It discusses how remote work supports business continuity during crises like pandemics, but also highlights concerns about reduced efficiency and lack of teamwork. Ideal resource to prepare for Band 6.5 IELTS exam.

Writing Task

In the present era, advancements in technology have led to an increase in remote working opportunities for employees. While some argue that this trend benefits both businesses and workers, others believe it may cause some negative impacts. Discuss both views and give your own opinion on the benefits and drawbacks of remote working. Support your response with relevant examples from your experience, knowledge, or research.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Today, advanced technology has revolutionized the way we work, and it has risen remote job opportunities for people. Some believe that this trend is in both businesses' and emploees' favor, as even under most challenging situations like pandemics, employees can continue working normally and businesses can be runned strongly. However, some argue that it has reduced the efficiency of work, because workers are not able to have teamwork. Nowadays, thanks to advancements in technology, we have witnessed an increase in remote working opportunities, which helps overcome obstacles to running businesses under crisis like pandemics. Under pandemics, when people are confined to their houses, remote working is the most exceptional solution, which makes emploees able to worke normally and correspondingly avoids employers from making loss. For instance, when the fatal disease, Covid-19, spread around the world, employees had to stay home to protect their heath and prevent the virus from more spreading. But this did not pose any threat to businesses, as employers provided employees with remote working opportunitues. As a result, during the pandemic, workers were able to make money, and employers were also capable of making profit. On the other hand, some believe that the rise in remote job opportunities has affected businesses negatively, since it has made teamwork impossible. Teamwork is a crucial factor that makes it possible for employees to pool their skills and talents, and get mutual feedback, which significantly rises the efficiency of work and enhances the final results. That is why remote working makes workers lose the opportunities of learning and making progress, and avoids businesses from making sufficient profit. In this era, the emergence of advanced technology has brought about an increase in remote job opprtunities. In my point of view, remote working should be regarded as a golden opportunity under crisis, whereas in normal situations, working in offices and companies should be preferred to remote working.
Words: 314Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/24/2023, 02:36 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. There is a logical progression of ideas, moving from the introduction to the discussion of both views, and concluding with the writer's opinion. However, there are some issues with coherence and cohesion, such as the lack of clear linking words and phrases to connect ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition of ideas, such as the repeated mention of pandemics, to maintain coherence and keep the essay focused.
  • Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to clearly connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, use phrases like 'on the one hand', 'on the other hand', 'furthermore', and 'in conclusion' to guide the reader through the argument.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of remote working and technology. However, there are several spelling errors and occasional inaccuracies in word choice that detract from the overall lexical resource. The essay would benefit from more precise and varied vocabulary to enhance clarity and sophistication.

Recommendations:

  • Consider using more complex and less common lexical items to convey ideas more precisely and enhance sophistication, such as 'mitigate' instead of 'avoid' in the context of businesses avoiding losses.
  • Review and correct spelling errors such as 'emploees', 'runned', 'worke', 'opportunitues', and 'opprtunities' to improve accuracy.
  • Use more varied vocabulary to replace repetitive phrases like 'advanced technology' and 'remote working opportunities' to demonstrate a wider lexical range.
  • Incorporate more precise language for phrases like 'runned strongly' which could be rephrased as 'continue operating effectively'.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and various tenses. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity and precision, such as incorrect verb forms and subject-verb agreement issues.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence structures to include more complex and compound sentences for improved grammatical range.
  • Improve subject-verb agreement, ensuring that singular subjects have singular verbs, e.g., 'employees can continue working normally and businesses can be runned strongly' should be 'businesses can be run strongly.'
  • Avoid common spelling errors like 'emploees' to 'employees' and 'opportunitues' to 'opportunities'.
  • Use relative clauses more accurately, such as 'which makes employees able to work normally' to 'which allows employees to work normally.'
  • Review and correct verb forms, such as 'has risen' to 'has increased' and 'runned' to 'run'.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of remote working, aligning with the prompt requirements. However, the analysis lacks depth in exploring the negative impacts and could benefit from more balanced development of both views.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied examples from research or personal experience to support both the benefits and drawbacks of remote working, enhancing the credibility of the arguments presented.
  • Provide a more balanced discussion by elaborating on the negative impacts of remote working with specific examples or research to strengthen the argument.
  • Ensure that both sides of the argument are equally developed by expanding on the drawbacks of remote working, such as potential isolation, lack of supervision, and communication challenges.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6

Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation5

Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6

Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6