BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: DISCUSSION ON GOVERNMENT SUBSIDIES FOR ORGANIC FOOD FOR HEALTHIER LIFESTYLE

Explore in-depth IELTS essay sample discussing the debate on government subsidies for organic food. Understand the viewpoint of both the advocates and the opponents, with detailed examples. This Band 6.5 essay sheds light on the complexities of organic food subsidies.

Writing Task

In many countries, people are choosing to live a healthier lifestyle by eating organic food products. However, organic foods can be more expensive than non-organic options. To what extent do you agree or disagree that governments should subsidize the cost of organic food to encourage healthier eating habits among their citizens? Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Support your answer with relevant examples and explanations.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Nowadays in several regions people are more likely to consume organic food products. Meanwhile, the high cost of such products might be an issue so, a question comes up that whether organic food products should be subsidized by the governments. This essay aims to discuss the arguments of both sides of the debate and explain why the writer is against the subsidy idea. Focusing on the ones who agree with the subsidy idea, some of them claim that since this type of product is healthier and in some occasions even more delicious, the expenses have to affordable for the public. For instance, an organic kind of oil not only consists no harmful materials but also has a pleasant scent and is more delicious but might cost the consumer a fortune to purchase that. Therefore, these people request subsidies for these products. On the other hand, among the ones who stand against the subsidy idea just like the writer, some argue that although organic products are healthier, but not only the costs, but also this fact that organic food products are not capable to be mass produced and if so are not able to last for a long time, states that the decision making process is more complicated that it is assumed by the ones who agree with the subsidy idea. So, this argument tells that it is not wise to spend the public budget on a type of product which has so much limitations. In conclusion. Although there are some people who support the idea of subsidy assignment on organic food because of the healthier nature of such products, the writer does not support this idea because those products are not only expensive but also are not capable of being produced in a if so large scale and can not be consumable for a long time.
Words: 306Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 06:59 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay exhibits a basic level of coherence and cohesion, with clear attempts to structure the argument and present different viewpoints. However, there are issues with paragraphing, logical flow, and the use of cohesive devices that impact the overall readability and clarity of the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that guides the reader through the argument being presented.
  • Enhance the use of cohesive devices to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, the transition between opposing viewpoints could be smoother with phrases like 'on the contrary' or 'in contrast.'
  • Avoid redundancy in sentences to maintain clarity. For example, the sentence 'not only the costs, but also this fact that organic food products are not capable to be mass produced' could be simplified for better coherence.
  • Improve paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea and contributes to the overall argument. For example, the introduction could be more concise, and the conclusion could summarize the main points more effectively.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, including some topic-specific terms such as 'organic food products,' 'subsidized,' and 'public budget.' However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect word choice that affect clarity and precision, such as 'consists no harmful materials' and 'expenses have to affordable.' The lexical resource is adequate but could be enhanced with more varied and precise vocabulary.

Recommendations:

  • Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and topic-related terms to avoid repetitive language and enhance expression.
  • Practice using collocations and phrases accurately to improve naturalness and fluency in writing.
  • Review word choice and grammatical structures to ensure they convey the intended meaning accurately and clearly.

Grammatical Range5.5

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and correct use of conjunctions. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward sentence constructions that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied sentence structures. Incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
  • Improve the use of articles. Ensure proper usage of 'a', 'an', and 'the' to enhance sentence clarity. For example, 'the expenses have to affordable' should be 'the expenses have to be affordable'.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement. For instance, 'consists no harmful materials' should be 'consists of no harmful materials'.
  • Avoid run-on sentences. Break down lengthy sentences into shorter, clearer ones. For example, 'but not only the costs, but also this fact that organic food products are not capable to be mass produced and if so are not able to last for a long time' can be split into separate sentences for clarity.
  • Correct the misuse of conjunctions. For instance, 'although organic products are healthier, but not only the costs' should be 'although organic products are healthier, the costs...' without 'but'.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task by presenting both sides of the argument regarding government subsidies for organic food. The writer clearly states their position against the subsidy, providing some reasons for this stance. However, the essay lacks depth in discussing the opposing viewpoint and providing balanced arguments. The conclusion restates the writer's opinion but does not fully synthesize the discussion.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that the conclusion summarizes both sides of the argument more effectively and clearly indicates why the writer's opinion is more compelling.
  • Provide more balanced arguments by elaborating on the benefits of subsidizing organic food, such as potential health improvements and long-term cost savings for healthcare systems.
  • Include more specific examples and evidence to support both viewpoints, such as statistics on organic food consumption or government subsidy impacts in countries where they are implemented.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.5
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5.5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5.5
Clear and correct grammar5.5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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