BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: DISCUSSING THE SOCIAL IMPACT OF RISING ELDERLY POPULATION
Dive into our detailed IELTS essay sample discussing the impacts of an increasing elderly population on society. Explore the pros and cons, from personal family struggles to potential boosts in volunteer work and societal contributions. Perfect for IELTS band 6.5 preparation.
Writing Task
In many countries, the number of elderly people is increasing steadily. Some believe that this trend has negative effects on society, while others argue that it has positive impacts.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Provide relevant examples and evidence to support your answer.
IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback
The attitude towards aged people figures' being on an increasing rate is mainly rooted in personal opinions and could vary from one nation to another. One view maintains that should the number of old people gradually increase in a country, it could result in beneficial impacts. Hels against this opinion is the negative ramification of such a trend in the rate of elderly people in society, which seems to be more sensible.
On the one hand, those who criticize the notion of being a more aged population in society as a positive trend cite that doing so could result in curtailing the young generations' time which should be spent with family. This could stem from the fact that when the more elderly people are in a society, the more care they need. Such necessity might force youngsters to spend their after-work time for relaxing with their old parents. This could result in underlying repercussions on the young people, the most tangible of which is hindering them from experiencing the sheer joy of being with their family, acting as a stumbling block against developing meaningful relationships with their child since they have been accustomed to the absenteeism of their mother or father. This, in the long run, would lead to detrimental effects on the personality of the child such as poor self-esteem, depression, and academic underperformance.
On the other side of the debate, It is believed that with a jump in the number of elderly people, the number of volunteer activities will rise significantly. The rationale behind this, the supporters say, is that the old group of humans tend more to capitalize on such altruistic works there are no extensive pecuniary burdens on their budget. As a result, they could spend more and more money on projects such as school construction, factory establishment, and medical facilities. Albeit advantageous in terms of financing the project, this effect is not deemed to be of crucial importance inasmuch as there is not enough young labor in society. Becoming an unproductive workforce is the immediate effect of downplaying this factor in a country, thereby acting as a deterrent against a country's thriving economically.
To recapitulate, the positive outlook on the increased elderly population in a country seems to be on the brink of collapse. the young people being deprived of spending quality time with their family, as well as leading to a stagnated economy due to an unproductive workforce are the main factors behind affirming this argument.
Words: 412|Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 04:31 AM
Coherence And Cohesion6.0
Lexical Resource6.0
Grammatical Range6.0
Task Achievement6.0
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:How well the essay is organized and how well ideas are connected throughout.6.0
Lexical Resource:The range of vocabulary used and how accurately and appropriately it is used.6.0
Grammatical Range:The range and accurate use of grammar structures.6.0
Task Achievement:How well the essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a fully developed response.6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6