BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: DISCUSSING RESPONSIBILITY FOR WASTE REDUCTION IN COUNTRIES

Explore an in-depth analysis of waste management practices in this Band 6.5 IELTS essay sample. Discover how strict government regulations could significantly decrease waste production, and why environmental education might not be enough. Understand the urgent need for impactful waste control laws for a greener environment.

Writing Task

In many countries, the amount of waste produced by individuals and businesses has been increasing rapidly in recent years. Some people argue that individuals should be held responsible for reducing waste, while others believe that it is the government's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Nowadays, there is more amount of waste compared to before. It is believed that people should be made to control and decrease waste, however I think that the government should be in charge of making more strict rules in order to decrease waste. In this assay, I am going to explain my ideas about how to control waste more efficiently. A growing body of research shows that these days, not only people but also companies are producing huge amounts of waste, which are often made of plastic that can not be recycled. These kinds of products can have a detrimental effect on the Earth and supporters of the environment believe that people should be taught to control their waste from a young age. This means that everyone must gain the knowledge of protecting the environment and how to stop being wasteful. In this case, if everyone feels responsible about the amount of waste that they are producing, tons of waste would be reduced. However, in my perspective, only teaching the individuals can not be helpful and there is a crucial need to have more strict regulations about controlling waste. Because we can see these days there are a vast range of clubs and classes that aim to educate people how to be more resourceful and reduce the amount of waste, but still high numbers of people do not care about negative effects of their waste on the environment, and this can only be due to lack of impactful rules. Therefore, the government must try to introduce new laws encouraging people to reduce waste. In conclusion, although it is proposed that people are responsible to control their waste, I think the government plays the most important role.
Words: 286Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/24/2023, 09:14 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic structure with clear paragraphing and attempts to link ideas. However, the transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be more fluid and logical to enhance the overall coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, such as 'on the other hand', 'furthermore', and 'as a result'.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support this idea, to improve logical flow.
  • Clarify the relationship between ideas by using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and to make connections clearer.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common words and phrases related to the topic of waste management. However, there are instances of repetition and misuse of words that slightly hinder the clarity and precision of the arguments presented.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more topic-specific vocabulary, such as 'sustainability', 'biodegradable', and 'waste management', to enhance the lexical richness of your essay.
  • Expand your vocabulary by learning more synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition, such as replacing 'waste' with 'refuse' or 'rubbish' where appropriate.
  • Ensure correct word forms are used, for example, 'assay' should be 'essay', and 'resourceful' should be replaced with 'conscious' or 'mindful' when referring to waste reduction.
  • Be cautious with collocations and phrases to ensure they are used correctly, such as 'a vast range of clubs' which could be more precisely described as 'numerous initiatives'.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and conditionals. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing that occasionally impede clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied sentence structures, such as passive voice or different conditional forms, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is maintained, as seen in 'there is more amount of waste' which should be 'there is a greater amount of waste'.
  • Improve sentence structure by avoiding run-on sentences, such as in 'Because we can see these days there are a vast range of clubs and classes that aim to educate people how to be more resourceful and reduce the amount of waste, but still high numbers of people do not care about negative effects of their waste on the environment, and this can only be due to lack of impactful rules.' This can be split for clarity.
  • Correct the misuse of articles, such as 'the Earth' which should be 'Earth' without 'the' unless referring to the planet in a specific context.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both views and providing a personal opinion. It acknowledges the increase in waste production and considers the roles of individuals and government in addressing the issue. The writer presents arguments for both perspectives, ultimately siding with the idea that government intervention is necessary through stricter regulations.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure a balanced discussion by providing equal weight and depth to both perspectives. The essay leans more towards the government’s role without fully exploring the individual responsibility aspect.
  • Clarify and expand on the personal opinion in the conclusion to ensure it is clearly linked to the arguments presented throughout the essay. This will enhance the coherence and persuasiveness of the conclusion.
  • Provide specific examples or evidence to support the claims made about the effectiveness of education and government regulations in reducing waste. This will strengthen the argument and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the issue.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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