BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF SOLO LIVING TREND

Explore the benefits and challenges of independent living in this comprehensive IELTS essay sample, scored 6.5. Uncover insights on how living alone can impact personality development, time management skills, and overall productivity. Also delve into different perspectives of older individuals on independent living.

Writing Task

In many countries, the number of people choosing to live by themselves is increasing rapidly. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend, and give your own opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Nowadays, many people prefer to have an independent life. In my perspective, being independent helps us to have a stronger personality, although it can sometimes be hard. In this assay, I am going to explain what the positive and negative effects of living alone are. Based on a growing body of research, almost ninety percent of young people believe that living independently helps them to learn different skills, even though it can be quite challenging. For instance, when people are living alone, they need to learn how to manage their time efficiently in order to do different tasks, which lets them to become more responsible and productive in their life. Furthermore, independency can be really enjoyable, because in this way everyone can create their own space based on what they like and this can boost their confidence. However, some people think that living independently can be really hard for old or middle age people, because they want to spend more time with their family and friends. They also prefer to be surrounded by their loved ones since they think that nothing is more valuable than having some quality time with them. Moreover, old people need someone to keep an eye them and pays attention to them so they do not enjoy living by themselves and they want the whole family to stick to each other and live together. In conclusion, although the old never want their family to get separated, living independently is an amazing opportunity which helps us to learn how to risk and be brave.
Words: 257Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 10:14 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the connection between ideas is sometimes unclear, and transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Each paragraph addresses different aspects of the topic, but the cohesion within paragraphs is occasionally weak due to abrupt shifts in ideas.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the connection between the introduction and conclusion by restating main points using different words to emphasize cohesion.
  • Use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, such as 'on the other hand,' 'in contrast,' or 'additionally.'
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support this idea. This will improve internal cohesion.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as 'independent life,' 'responsible,' 'productive,' and 'confidence.' However, there are several instances of incorrect word forms and some awkward phrasing, such as 'independency' instead of 'independence,' and 'assay' instead of 'essay.' The use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, with words like 'independent' and 'living alone' being frequently repeated without variation. There is also a lack of more sophisticated or less common lexical items that could enhance the overall lexical resource.

Recommendations:

  • Proofread your essay to correct minor spelling errors, such as 'assay' which should be 'essay.'
  • Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and using them to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'independent,' consider alternatives like 'self-reliant' or 'autonomous.'
  • Incorporate more sophisticated and topic-specific vocabulary to demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource. Words like 'solitude,' 'self-sufficiency,' and 'communal living' could enhance the essay.
  • Ensure correct word forms are used. For instance, use 'independence' instead of 'independency.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, with attempts at complex sentences and varied sentence forms. However, there are noticeable errors in grammar, particularly with verb forms, articles, and prepositions. These errors sometimes obscure meaning or affect the flow of the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and pronoun consistency, ensuring that pronouns clearly refer to the correct nouns.
  • Review the use of articles ('a', 'an', 'the') as there are instances of omission or incorrect usage, such as 'in this assay' instead of 'in this essay'.
  • Improve verb form consistency and accuracy, particularly with gerunds and infinitives, as seen in 'lets them to become' which should be 'lets them become'.
  • Enhance sentence variety by incorporating more complex sentences and reducing reliance on simple structures. For example, 'old people need someone to keep an eye them' should be 'older people need someone to keep an eye on them'.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task prompt adequately by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of living alone, as requested. It provides a clear opinion, stating that living independently helps develop a stronger personality. The essay includes relevant examples to support the points made, such as the development of time management skills and the enjoyment of personal space. However, the conclusion is somewhat brief and does not fully encapsulate the arguments presented in the body paragraphs.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the main opinion in the introduction to ensure it is directly related to whether the trend is positive or negative, as required by the task.
  • Ensure a balanced discussion by providing more detailed examples or evidence for both advantages and disadvantages. This will strengthen the argument and show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • Expand the conclusion to summarize the main points discussed in the essay and restate your opinion more clearly, ensuring it aligns with the arguments presented.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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