BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF LIVING ALONE TREND ANALYSIS

Explore our band 6.5 score IELTS essay sample discussing the growing trend of independent living in today's society. Understand the pros and cons, the potential psychological impacts, and the financial challenges of living alone. Our analysis aims to help IELTS test takers improve writing skills for a better score.

Writing Task

In many countries, the number of people choosing to live by themselves is increasing rapidly. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend, and give your own opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

In today’s society, most people prefer to live on their own compared with before that everyone used to spend their free time having fun together. This direction seems to be popular in developed country as it seems quiet there. However, I believe this direction has more negative consequences more than positive effects it offers. The initial reason why young generations choose to live alone is that they are taught to do everything since they were young whether it be cooking, managing personal finance or studying. This makes a person self-independent which is beneficial to the development of the country in the long run. However, this trend seems to have more drawbacks as they could suffer from psychological issues because they are unable to share their emotions to friends or family when they are sad. A good example of this is depression, a mental illness caused from loneliness. To make matters work, it could leads some groups of people end their life by committing suicide. Additionally, living independently could be extremely costly as every household expenditure has to be paid by only one person. Everything in this modern day is very expensive. Therefore, single occupants have to work extremely hard to avoid financial problems. It would be better for young generations to stay together and share the bill. For instance, residential prices in metropolitan areas would be super expensive. Individuals could share a room with their companions to decrease accommodation expenses. To conclude, a positive effect of being independently could not outweigh its negative effects as this trend may possibly lead to psychological problems and bad financial conditions. People should spend more time together, which will create a happy society in the future.
Words: 282Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/11/2023, 04:47 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay demonstrates a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the coherence and cohesion are affected by abrupt transitions and unclear connections between ideas in some parts. The use of cohesive devices is present but sometimes inconsistent, affecting the logical flow of the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs, such as 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', or 'Consequently', to improve the flow and connection between ideas.
  • Improve the use of linking words and phrases to enhance the logical progression of ideas. For example, use phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'In contrast' to clearly indicate a shift in perspective or to introduce a contrasting point.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph contribute to developing that idea. For instance, in the paragraph discussing psychological issues, ensure all sentences are directly related to this aspect before moving to financial issues.
  • Clarify relationships between ideas, especially when discussing advantages and disadvantages, to ensure that the reader can easily follow the argument. For example, explicitly state how the example of depression relates to living alone.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are instances of incorrect word choices and phrases that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use a dictionary or thesaurus to verify word meanings and ensure correct usage in context to avoid errors.
  • Expand vocabulary range by learning synonyms and antonyms for common words to avoid repetition and enhance expression.
  • Practice using collocations and phrases accurately to improve naturalness and fluency in writing.
  • Incorporate more topic-specific vocabulary related to living independently, psychology, and economics to enhance lexical resource.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including some complex sentences. However, there are frequent errors in grammar, particularly with verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and article usage, which affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is maintained, such as in 'it could leads some groups' which should be 'it could lead some groups.'
  • Use articles correctly. For instance, 'in developed country' should be 'in developed countries.'
  • Avoid run-on sentences by using appropriate punctuation or conjunctions. For example, 'This direction seems to be popular in developed country as it seems quiet there' could be rewritten for clarity.
  • Enhance sentence variety by incorporating more complex sentence structures and reducing reliance on simple sentences.
  • Improve verb tense consistency. For example, 'compared with before that everyone used to spend' should be 'compared to the past when everyone used to spend.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the trend of living alone. It provides a clear opinion that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages and supports this view with examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides of the argument and a clearer explanation of the advantages.

Recommendations:

  • Provide a more balanced discussion by elaborating on the advantages of living alone. For instance, discuss how living independently can lead to personal growth, freedom, and self-discovery.
  • Ensure the opinion is clearly stated in the introduction and conclusion. The essay should explicitly mention whether the trend is positive or negative from the writer's perspective.
  • Avoid repetition of ideas, such as the negative consequences mentioned multiple times. Instead, use varied examples and explanations to support each point.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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