BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ORGANIC FOOD AND GOVERNMENT SUBSIDIES - A HEALTHIER LIFESTYLE DEBATE

Explore a band 6.5 score IELTS sample essay discussing the pros and cons of subsidizing organic foods. Dive into the argument, understand potential health benefits, and weigh them against economic implications. Boost your IELTS skills and learn about healthy eating habits, organic food consumption and its impact on public health.

Writing Task

In many countries, people are choosing to live a healthier lifestyle by eating organic food products. However, organic foods can be more expensive than non-organic options. To what extent do you agree or disagree that governments should subsidize the cost of organic food to encourage healthier eating habits among their citizens? Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Support your answer with relevant examples and explanations.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.5 Scoring and Feedback

In the era of internet and social media, most people are aware of the importance of healthy eating habits and its positive implications on the body protection against most of the diseases. Organic foods are highlighted in the current decade which cost as twice or three times as the non-organic ones which leads people to ask the governors to provide some subsides in order to accessibility of organic food for the majority of the society to enhance the public health. In this essay I will discuss both perspectives and their outcomes. At the first site, the idea of subsiding the Organic products seem to be practical as it is predictable: The more organic eating, the healthier individuals. Several studies have shown positive correlation between the organic food consumption and reducing cancer occurrence. Furthermore,there are strong evidences that have revealed Mediterranean life style consisting of organic food cause people in this region to live longer and healthier. This shows the significance of subsiding in this area. However,there are some people against the idea of giving grants for organic foods. The reason is that the funding resources are limited and they should be fairly distributed in all the necessary fields such as education, industries and the health issues. Moreover, they say industrialized products need to be sold as well and the cost is the main reason for their good retail market. With the same costs the manipulated industry will be destroyed which makes millions of people to get unemployed. Considering all, I suppose to say this is not logic decision to invest on the organic foods while we need more need more money for education on the efficacy of several aspects of the health.
Words: 282Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 07:12 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.5

The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs is inconsistent, and cohesive devices are sometimes misused or missing, affecting the overall coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt transitions by using linking words to smoothly guide the reader from one point to the next, especially in the conclusion.
  • Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs effectively. For example, use phrases like 'on the other hand' to introduce contrasting viewpoints.
  • Ensure that each argument is fully developed with supporting examples and explanations to enhance the logical progression of ideas.
  • Improve paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is logically connected to the next. Consider starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common lexical items related to the topic, such as 'subsidize', 'organic foods', and 'Mediterranean lifestyle'. However, there are frequent errors in word choice, word form, and collocation, which sometimes obscure meaning and reduce clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied and precise adjectives and adverbs to enhance descriptions and arguments, such as 'significantly healthier' instead of 'healthier'. This will help in conveying more nuanced ideas.
  • Expand vocabulary range by reading more academic articles related to health and nutrition to understand how complex ideas are expressed using precise vocabulary.
  • Focus on correct usage of prepositions and articles, as errors like 'at the first site' should be 'at first sight', and 'the body protection' should be 'the body's protection'.
  • Improve word choice and collocation by learning and practicing phrases that are commonly used together in English, such as 'government subsidies' instead of 'subsides', and 'public health' instead of 'the public health'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors in sentence formation and verb usage, which often obscure meaning.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied sentence types, such as conditional or passive constructions, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Practice using correct verb tenses consistently throughout the essay to ensure clarity and coherence.
  • Revise for punctuation errors, like missing spaces after commas and periods, to improve readability.
  • Improve sentence structure by combining simple sentences into more complex ones to show a wider range of grammatical forms.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, especially in singular and plural forms, to avoid errors like 'cost as twice or three times' and 'is not logic decision'.

Task Achievement5.5

The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both viewpoints regarding government subsidies for organic foods. It acknowledges the benefits of organic foods for health and the financial implications of subsidies. However, the essay lacks a clear stance and does not fully explore the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt. The conclusion is not clearly aligned with the essay's arguments, and examples provided are not sufficiently detailed or directly relevant to the topic.

Recommendations:

  • Improve coherence by clearly linking examples and arguments to the main topic of government subsidies for organic foods.
  • Provide more specific examples and explanations that directly relate to the impact of subsidies on healthier eating habits.
  • Ensure that each viewpoint is equally developed with evidence and examples to support the discussion.
  • Clearly state your opinion on whether you agree or disagree with government subsidies for organic foods in the introduction and conclusion.
GRADED
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion:5.5
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.5
Band Score:5.5
Coherence and Cohesion5.5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5.5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count6
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