BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: INTERNET VS TRADITIONAL LIBRARIES IN INFORMATION ACQUISITION

Explore a comprehensive band 6.5 IELTS essay sample discussing the impact of technology advancement and the internet on traditional libraries. This page provides unique insights into the debate between the convenience of digital knowledge transfer and the timeless value of physical books. Ideal for IELTS aspirants seeking to understand and emulate high-scoring essay samples.

Writing Task

Some people believe that technological advancements, such as the Internet, have made it easier for people to acquire information, making traditional libraries obsolete. Others argue that libraries still serve an essential purpose in society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Provide relevant examples and evidence to support your answer.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.5 Scoring and Feedback

Many people say advancement in technology for instance the internet, play a significant role to achieve new information and knowledge as a result obsoletion of traditional libraries while others believe that libraries never get replaced with technology and always stay as important places in a society. On the one hand, it is believed that technology is a great way to exterminate heavy thick books that occupy a big area for libraries to be built. Although books have transferred knowledge over years, they are useless in the technology century that a lot of information can be carried in micro chips. For example many gigabytes of new knowledge can be transferred from a european country to a city in Australia in a few minutes and there is no need more than two computers and the internet while in past people had to carry heavy books from two cities that were close to each other. Not only transfering information by the internet needs less space, but also it needs less money and time. Billions of threes have been cut down in order to produce paper so far and it costs a fortune in these days peoples' lives. Also it is crystal clear that the internet is much faster than old papers and books. For instance scientists discover a new thing in the US and present it on TV when someone can watch in at that moment while sitting on their couch. On the other hand, some people think that books can never be obsoleted so eradicating libraries and building other buildings instead will never happen because although the internet can provide accessing to a lot of information, huge of it is still in the old books. In conclusion, many people insist on having libraries in a society because the is no substitute for them. However, I think technology and the internet are going to be changing everything and there won't be a need for traditional libraries in the future.
Words: 326Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 09:28 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.5

The essay attempts to discuss both sides of the argument regarding the relevance of traditional libraries in the age of technological advancements. The ideas are presented in a logical order, but there are issues with coherence and cohesion due to unclear connections between some ideas and insufficient use of cohesive devices.

Recommendations:

  • Include more examples or evidence to support each point, ensuring that each example is directly relevant to the point being made. This will help to strengthen the coherence of the argument.
  • Improve the use of linking words and phrases to clearly connect ideas between and within paragraphs. For example, use phrases like 'in contrast' or 'on the contrary' to clearly differentiate between opposing views.
  • Use referencing words like 'this', 'these', 'such', and 'they' effectively to avoid repetition and to help link sentences together smoothly. For example, instead of repeating 'the internet', use 'it' after the initial mention.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that this idea is fully developed and linked back to the main argument. For instance, the second paragraph should more clearly explain how technology makes libraries obsolete, while the third paragraph should more thoroughly support the argument that libraries remain essential.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice, collocations, and spelling, which sometimes hinder clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Expand your vocabulary by reading more academic texts and noting down unfamiliar words along with their usage in sentences.
  • Practice using synonyms and paraphrasing to add variety and avoid repetition, such as using 'obsolete' instead of 'obsoletion'.
  • Pay attention to collocations and word partnerships to ensure more natural language use, such as 'advancements in technology' instead of 'advancement in technology'.
  • Review spelling and word forms, for example, 'transferring' instead of 'transfering', and 'trees' instead of 'threes'.

Grammatical Range5.5

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and some correct usage of subordinate clauses. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and inappropriate prepositions, which detract from the overall clarity and precision of the writing.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence structures more to include a greater range of complex sentences and clauses to demonstrate higher grammatical range.
  • Improve the use of prepositions to ensure they are appropriate for the context. For example, "achieve new information" should be "acquire new information."
  • Ensure correct verb forms are used. For instance, "transfering" should be "transferring."
  • Use conjunctions to improve the flow of sentences. For example, "For example many gigabytes..." should be "For example, many gigabytes..."
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that singular subjects have singular verbs and plural subjects have plural verbs. For example, "advancement in technology... play" should be "advancement in technology... plays."
  • Use articles correctly. For example, "a big area for libraries to be built" should be "a big area where libraries can be built."

Task Achievement5.5

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both views on the role of technology and libraries in society. It provides examples to support the argument that technology, such as the Internet, has made information more accessible and discusses the perceived ongoing importance of libraries. The writer also includes a personal opinion, aligning with the task requirement.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure a clear and balanced discussion of both views. The essay currently provides more detail and examples supporting the view that technology makes libraries obsolete. To improve, add more specific examples and arguments for the importance of libraries.
  • Clarify and expand on the argument for libraries' ongoing importance. The current paragraph is underdeveloped and lacks specific examples or evidence to support the view that libraries remain essential.
  • Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points of both views before stating your own opinion. This will ensure a more cohesive and persuasive argument.
GRADED
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion:5.5
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.5
Task Achievement:5.5
Band Score:5.5
Coherence and Cohesion5.5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5.5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement5.5
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count6
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