BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: IMPACT OF SOCIAL MEDIA ON SOCIETY - NEGATIVE VS POSITIVE VIEWS DISCUSSED

Explore an exemplary IELTS essay sample discussing the pros and cons of social media's impact on society. Understand both perspectives, from the risks of addiction and health problems to the benefits in connection and advertising opportunities. Let's dive into an enthralling debate while learning how to score Band 6.5 in IELTS writing.

Writing Task

Some people believe that the use of social media has a negative impact on society, while others argue that it has numerous positive effects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Provide relevant examples and evidence to support your answer.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.5 Scoring and Feedback

Some people think disadvantages of social media on society is more than it's advantages. I personally advocate the group who believe that social media would is more beneficial . In this essay, I will discuss both views and give reasons why I agree with the second perspective. One the one hand, people believe social media waste our time. users addict to spend a lot of time in Instagram or YouTube just for fun. For example, some teenagers could not imagine to spend a day without their electronic gadgets like phone and tablet due to social media addiction. Therefore, it can cause a lot of problem specially in context of education.In addition, the second reason is health problem. People who spend a lot of time in social media do not have tendency to do some exercise. Therefore, lack of physical activity cause some important health issues like obesity and heart attack. I personally think this problem will be solved if people use social media moderately in a logical way. One the other hand, many people think that there are a lot of positive effects for social media. one reason is the convenience of connection between people. people can easily find their friends,relatives and colleagues in social media and follow them.For instance, It just need a few click to find people who are interested in the subject of your career and It can help to progress the job opportunities. In addition, social media is the big source of advertisement. There are a huge number of companies who advertise goods or services in social media. people follow their favorites in social media and buy them. Therefore, social media is a powerful device which helps the development of different industries especially in the field of entertainment. In conclusion,nowadays the development of technology is inevitable. Therefore, we should control the use of social media to decrease the addiction to social media and use from positive effects of it.
Words: 323Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/25/2023, 03:58 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.5

The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, there are issues with logical flow and paragraphing that affect coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition of phrases like 'social media' by using synonyms or referencing back to it using pronouns appropriately.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and use topic sentences that summarize the main point of the paragraph.
  • Improve transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the logical progression of arguments. Use cohesive devices such as 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'In contrast', etc.
  • Address inconsistencies in the use of cohesive devices and pronouns to avoid confusion, such as 'it's' instead of 'its' and 'users addict' instead of 'users are addicted'.

Lexical Resource5.5

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common lexical items. However, there are frequent errors in word choice, word formation, and collocation, which sometimes hinder clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use a wider range of adjectives and adverbs to enhance descriptions and arguments, such as 'significant impact' instead of 'big impact'.
  • Expand vocabulary related to the topic of social media and technology to better articulate ideas, such as using terms like 'digital platforms' or 'online networks'.
  • Practice using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more fluidly, such as 'In contrast', 'Moreover', or 'Additionally'.
  • Improve word choice by learning more synonyms and understanding their nuances to avoid repetitive language, e.g., replace 'think' with 'believe' or 'argue' where appropriate.
  • Pay attention to collocations and word partnerships, such as 'spend time on Instagram' instead of 'in Instagram', and 'cause problems' instead of 'cause a lot of problem'.

Grammatical Range5.5

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with several errors in sentence construction, verb forms, and agreement. These issues sometimes obscure meaning and hinder the overall clarity of the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Work on sentence variety by including more complex and compound sentences to enhance the grammatical range. This will help in making the essay more engaging and coherent.
  • Pay attention to article usage and countable vs. uncountable nouns, as seen in errors like 'a lot of problem' and 'a huge number of companies.'
  • Avoid run-on sentences by using appropriate punctuation and conjunctions to separate independent clauses, as in 'people can easily find their friends,relatives and colleagues in social media and follow them.'
  • Improve verb forms and tense consistency, especially in sentences like 'social media would is more beneficial' and 'users addict to spend.' Ensure subject-verb agreement is correct.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task by discussing both the negative and positive impacts of social media on society, as required by the prompt. The writer provides a clear stance, supporting the positive effects of social media, which aligns with the task requirement to present an opinion. However, the argumentation lacks depth, with limited examples and evidence provided to substantiate the claims made for both perspectives.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed and reinforcing your opinion with a stronger closing statement.
  • Provide more specific examples and evidence to support each argument. For instance, when discussing the negative impact on education, include statistics or studies that demonstrate the effect of social media addiction on academic performance.
  • Expand on the discussion of positive effects by detailing how social media facilitates job opportunities or industry growth, perhaps by citing specific platforms or success stories.
  • Ensure that each paragraph fully develops the idea it presents. The arguments are currently underdeveloped, which weakens the overall task achievement.
GRADED
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion:5.5
Lexical Resource:5.5
Grammatical Range:5.5
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:5.5
Coherence and Cohesion5.5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5.5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5.5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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