BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EVALUATING IMPACT OF MODERN TECHNOLOGY ON HUMAN LIFE AND HEALTH

Explore comprehensive IELTS essay samples focusing on the impact of technology on our lives. From enhancing communication to affecting health and relationships, dive deep into the pros and cons of technology, illustrated through real-life exemples. Ideal for applicants aiming for a band 6.5 score.

Writing Task

Some people believe that modern technological advancements have made our lives easier, while others argue that it has led to increased stress and health issues. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Provide relevant examples and evidence to support your answer.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.5 Scoring and Feedback

many controversies exist on the effectiveness of technology in our life. In my point of view technology is one of the best way to change our life to the better. On the one hand, I believe that technology plays an important roles in our life these days. Thanks to technology, especially the internet we can communicate with people far from us. For example, my brother is living far from us and we can not visit him face to face, however by the internet we can communicate with him every day. In addition, by social media such as instagram and face book people can share their daily routines with their beloved ones. On the other hand, some people argue that technology has some negative consequences in our felling and health. what can be state firstly is that, younger generations prefer to play video game instead of going out and play with heir friends, so it has negative effect on their physical health and it will cause some heart diseases in the future. In addition, individuals prefer to keep in touch with each others through social media rather than pay time to visit each other and maybe it can has bad negative to their relationship.For example, in the past younger generations visit their grandparents each weekend but these days they prefer to stay at home and spend their time with technological devices such as their laptop and mobile phones. In conclusion, I understand why some people believe that technology has negative effects in our life, I would argue that technology based the reasons mentioned above technology has made our life easier.
Words: 269Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 02:47 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.5

The essay attempts to discuss both views regarding the impact of technology on life, and provides a personal opinion. It has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion. However, coherence and cohesion are somewhat lacking due to abrupt transitions and inconsistent use of cohesive devices.

Recommendations:

  • Improve paragraph transitions by using linking words or phrases that logically connect ideas, such as 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', or 'On the contrary'.
  • Use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas, such as 'for instance', 'consequently', or 'as a result'.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is consistently developed, avoiding abrupt shifts in focus within a paragraph.
  • Avoid repetition of ideas or phrases that can disrupt the flow, such as repeating 'technology' frequently without adding new information.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of technology and its impact on life. However, there are several instances of incorrect word forms, repetition, and a lack of variety in vocabulary, which limit the lexical resource effectiveness.

Recommendations:

  • Use collocations and phrases that are more idiomatic to enhance the naturalness of the language. For instance, 'change our life to the better' could be improved to 'enhance our quality of life'.
  • Pay attention to word forms and ensure correct usage. For instance, 'effectiveness of technology' should be 'effectiveness of technological advancements', and 'felling' should be 'feelings'.
  • Incorporate more precise and varied vocabulary to convey ideas more effectively. For example, instead of saying 'bad negative', use words like 'adverse' or 'detrimental' to describe negative impacts.
  • Expand vocabulary related to technology and its impacts to avoid repetition and enhance clarity. For example, instead of repeating 'technology' frequently, use synonyms like 'technological advancements' or 'digital innovations'.

Grammatical Range5.5

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors in sentence structure, verb forms, and agreement. There is a reliance on simple sentences and some attempts at complex structures, but these are often flawed.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to pluralization, such as 'video game' should be 'video games' and 'each others' should be 'each other.'
  • Use a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences to enhance grammatical range.
  • Ensure consistent use of articles, for example, 'the effectiveness of technology' instead of 'effectiveness of technology.'
  • Improve subject-verb agreement, as errors such as 'technology plays an important roles' should be corrected to 'technology plays an important role.'
  • Correct errors in verb forms and tense consistency, such as 'can has bad negative' which should be 'can have a negative impact.'

Task Achievement5.5

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both views on the impact of modern technological advancements on our lives, providing some examples to support each side. However, the essay lacks a clear and developed opinion, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points or provide a strong personal stance.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more detailed and specific examples to support each view and your opinion, ensuring they are directly relevant to the points being made.
  • Ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main points discussed and reinforces your opinion clearly, providing a strong closing to the essay.
  • Develop a clear and consistent opinion throughout the essay, ensuring that your stance is evident in both the introduction and conclusion.
GRADED
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion:5.5
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.5
Task Achievement:5.5
Band Score:5.5
Coherence and Cohesion5.5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5.5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement5.5
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count5
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