BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: DISCUSSING PUBLIC TRANSPORT VS HIGHWAY DEVELOPMENT FOR ECONOMIC GROWTH

Explore our Band 6.5 IELTS essay sample analyzing the debate on governmental funding for transportation. Understand different perspectives on improving public vehicles vs. constructing highways and how they impact punctuality, convenience, economy, and ecology. Ideal study material for IELTS aspirants aiming to boost their scores.

Writing Task

Some people argue that the government should spend more money on developing public transportation systems, such as buses and trains, rather than investing in the construction of new highways. Others believe that building more highways is essential for economic growth and addressing traffic congestion. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Provide examples and evidence to support your answer.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.5 Scoring and Feedback

The has been an increasing argument over governmental fund on transportation. Some individuals believe on improving facilities like, buses and trains,while the other are in favor of highway 's constructions. In my opinion, I am firmly in an agreement with the prior notion. In forthcoming paragraphs, I will explain both views. To begin with, some people claim that it is more beneficial to allocate money for promoting public vehicle due to some reasons. First and foremost, it undoubtedly improve punctuality of this mode of transport which is mainly rooted from lack of sufficient trains or buses. To elaborate, A great deal of people prefer to use their personal cars rather than public ones due to this issue. Moreover, it is noticeable that the crowded buses and subway are main contributor to inconvenience for passengers, so much so crowds will give priority to public transportation. Consequently, through promoting this sector, there would be a substantial decline in traffic issues. Additionally, this trend decline air pollution and fossil fuel's consumption that reduce country's expenditure on these subject and will boost the economical status. On the contrary, those who give priority for roads construction supported their idea with sensible reasons. Firstly, there are ample of the cars in streets due to technological advancement and affordable prices, while road infrastructure is not suitable for the herds of car. As a result, highway has witnessed traffic because of Secondly, considering the fact that the majority of imported and exported items transferred through roads, thus this development will make business more easier and encourage industrial productions. This has significant influences on financial aspects of a country. To conclude, although improvement in vehicle's path is crucial, yet the prominent role of public transportation is obviously greater than the previous solution.
Words: 293Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 02:38 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the coherence and cohesion are affected by abrupt transitions, unclear connections between ideas, and inconsistent use of cohesive devices.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt shifts between ideas by using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument.
  • Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively, such as 'furthermore', 'however', and 'for instance'.
  • Ensure that each point made in the essay is clearly connected to the main argument or opinion.
  • Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logical progression of ideas.

Lexical Resource5.5

The essay demonstrates a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of public transportation and highway construction. However, the usage of some words and phrases is incorrect or awkward, which affects the overall clarity and precision of the argument.

Recommendations:

  • Improve the use of collocations by ensuring words that naturally go together are used correctly, such as 'governmental funding' instead of 'governmental fund'.
  • Expand the range of vocabulary by incorporating more synonyms and less common words to avoid repetition and enhance the essay's lexical richness.
  • Avoid incorrect word choices and awkward phrases, such as 'promoting public vehicle' which should be 'promoting public transport'.
  • Work on word form and agreement errors, such as 'economical status' which should be 'economic status', and 'herds of car' which should be 'herds of cars'.
  • Pay attention to the correct use of articles and prepositions, as errors like 'the crowded buses and subway' should be 'crowded buses and subways'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with some attempts at complex sentences, but there are consistent errors in grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure that impede clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistent use of articles, such as 'the' and 'a,' to maintain grammatical accuracy, as in 'A great deal of people' which should be 'A great deal of people.'
  • Improve sentence structure by avoiding run-on sentences and ensuring each sentence has a clear subject and predicate. For example, 'Consequently, through promoting this sector, there would be a substantial decline in traffic issues' can be clearer with a more structured approach.
  • Use correct punctuation, particularly with commas and apostrophes, as in 'fossil fuel's consumption' which should be 'fossil fuels' consumption.'
  • Vary sentence structures to include more complex sentences, but ensure they are grammatically correct. For example, 'Moreover, it is noticeable that the crowded buses and subway are main contributor to inconvenience for passengers, so much so crowds will give priority to public transportation' can be made clearer.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement errors such as 'Some individuals believe on improving facilities' which should be 'Some individuals believe in improving facilities.'

Task Achievement5.5

The essay attempts to address both views of the prompt, discussing the benefits of investing in public transportation systems and the arguments for building more highways. The writer indicates a personal opinion favoring public transportation, but the argument is not thoroughly developed or supported with specific examples.

Recommendations:

  • Provide specific examples and evidence to support your arguments, such as statistics or real-world instances.
  • Ensure that both views are equally addressed with balanced arguments and evidence.
  • Clearly state your position in the introduction and ensure it is consistently reflected throughout the essay.
  • Develop a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes the main points and reinforces your opinion.
GRADED
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.5
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.5
Band Score:5.5
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5.5
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5.5
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count6
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