BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: THE IMPACT OF TECHNOLOGY ADVANCEMENTS ON TRADITIONAL LIBRARIES

Explore our IELTS essay sample with a band 5.5 score. Learn the pros and cons of social media usage and its effects on society. Understand how social networks foster cultural growth and facilitate economic prosperity. Discover the importance of responsible internet usage for the healthy functioning of the community.

Writing Task

Some people believe that technological advancements, such as the Internet, have made it easier for people to acquire information, making traditional libraries obsolete. Others argue that libraries still serve an essential purpose in society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Provide relevant examples and evidence to support your answer.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.5 Scoring and Feedback

In recent years, because of technological advancements, most people have been engrossed in social media and are interested in the widespread use of the Internet. I absolutely disagree with a number of people who say that social networking websites have numerous adverse effects on one and society because of established communication and economic boom. Today, most people use social networks, which has increased the level of people's knowledge. When they check their social networking sites can choose those activities or interests that they like them. As a result, people are learning about their interests on a daily basis, which leads to an increase in their level of thought and culture. This routine can become an isolated person into an active person. For instance, one of my friends was able to learn English language through training available on social networks, and he speaks well and can communicate with foreign people. Therefore, social networks can have highly beneficial to people. Furthermore, using social networks have positive impacts on society when people established strong communication with each other. If people connect more, those who have special skills or products can share them with others. This causes economic prosperity in society, especially for those people who have fewer advertising tools and facilities at their disposal. For example, a teacher who has been able to teach his knowledge to many people through networking sites. As a result of this event, society will benefit significantly. Some may argue that the extensive use of social networks takes almost half of people's day. It also causes rumors to spread quickly but can be managed by raising public awareness of the consequences of the overuse of social media on people's physical and mental health. In conclusion, I believe that using social networks and using them adequately can make people and society grow. It also reduced its negative effects with good management.
Words: 312Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 02:38 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.5

The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the coherence and cohesion are somewhat lacking due to unclear connections between ideas and inadequate use of cohesive devices.

Recommendations:

  • Improve sentence variety to enhance the flow of ideas and prevent the essay from becoming monotonous. This will also help in maintaining the reader's interest.
  • Use more cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, use transition words like 'however', 'on the other hand', or 'furthermore' to clearly show the relationship between ideas.
  • Improve paragraphing by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea that ties back to the main thesis. The current paragraphs sometimes mix different ideas, which can confuse the reader.
  • Clarify your opinion by stating it more explicitly in both the introduction and conclusion. This will help in maintaining a consistent line of argument throughout the essay.
  • Ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses one of the views stated in the prompt. The essay should explicitly discuss both the obsolescence of traditional libraries and their essential purpose in society.

Lexical Resource5.5

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common lexical items, but it contains several inappropriate word choices, repetitions, and lacks variety in expression.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to word forms and ensure correct usage, such as 'have highly beneficial' should be 'are highly beneficial.'
  • Expand vocabulary range by incorporating more precise and varied word choices to express ideas more clearly and effectively.
  • Avoid repetition of words and phrases, such as 'social networks' and 'people,' by using synonyms or rephrasing sentences.
  • Use collocations and idiomatic expressions where appropriate to enhance the naturalness of language.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there are noticeable issues with subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and sentence fragments that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to verb forms and tenses, ensuring consistency and accuracy throughout the essay.
  • Avoid sentence fragments by ensuring each sentence has a clear subject and verb, such as 'When they check their social networking sites can choose those activities' should be 'When they check their social networking sites, they can choose activities'.
  • Use a wider variety of complex structures to enhance grammatical range, such as relative clauses or conditional sentences.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, especially in sentences like 'using social networks have positive impacts' which should be 'using social networks has positive impacts'.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay diverges from the task prompt, focusing primarily on social media rather than the role of technological advancements like the Internet in relation to libraries. It does not adequately address both views of the prompt or provide a balanced discussion with relevant examples and evidence related to libraries.

Recommendations:

  • Include a clear opinion that is directly related to the task prompt, supported by relevant examples and evidence.
  • Ensure the essay directly addresses the task prompt by discussing both the impact of technological advancements like the Internet on libraries and the continuing relevance of libraries in society.
  • Provide a balanced discussion of both views, offering specific examples and evidence related to libraries and technological advancements.
GRADED
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion:5.5
Lexical Resource:5.5
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.5
Coherence and Cohesion5.5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points5.5
Accurate linking words5.5
Variety in linking words5.5
Lexical Resource5.5
Varied vocabulary5.5
Accurate spelling & word formation5.5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count6
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