BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: GOVERNMENTS PROVIDING AFFORDABLE HOUSING FOR FIRST-TIME YOUNG ADULT HOMEOWNERS

Delve into this Band 5.5 IELTS essay sample addressing the issue of rising housing prices affecting young adults. Understand the importance of government intervention and affordable housing provisions. Learn how inflation and world events impact housing affordability and gain insights into potential solutions for this escalating problem.

Writing Task

In many countries, owning a home has become increasingly difficult for young adults, as housing prices continue to rise. Some people argue that governments should provide affordable housing to help young adults purchase their first property. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Provide your opinion and support it with relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.5 Scoring and Feedback

In many countries, having a home has become dramatically difficult for young adults because of housing prices keep going to rise. Some people believe that governments should provide affordable housing to assist young adults to purchase their first home. In my opinion, governments are responsible about this issue and they should be committed to solving this problem by making a wisely decisions. Firstly, these days due to the inflation, price of housing is rising and it is going to hard to purchase even a small house. For example, because of the Russian war and COVID, the inflation rate is going up and against many people are becoming fired from their work, thus they do not have enough money to think about buying a home even, and in this situation the government should help them by some contributions, such as giving low rate loan to young adults. Secondly, the governments should devote themselves to resolving the citizens problems because they are owe to citizen and they must be committed to doing their best. For instance, they should sentence some rules to protect of the young adults against budget issues and think about how they can overcome this point. In addition, governments should pay attention to young adults because they are the potential energy to develop the country and without having any desire they cannot do their best and it is very detrimental for a society. To conclusion, I think that, although some problems such as inflation is not predictable, but governments should be always ready to face problems and governments are responsible about any things that might happen in a country, hence they should wisely make a decision because it can influence on all walks of life.
Words: 286Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/24/2023, 03:03 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.5

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which contributes to its coherence. However, there are issues with logical progression and cohesive devices that affect clarity and flow.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition of ideas, such as the government's responsibility, and instead focus on developing unique points in each paragraph.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and logical progression. For instance, the first body paragraph should more clearly link the inflation example to the need for government intervention.
  • Use referencing words like 'this' or 'these issues' more effectively to connect ideas across sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall cohesion.
  • Improve the use of cohesive devices. For example, the transition between discussing inflation and government action could be smoother with phrases like 'As a result' or 'Therefore'.

Lexical Resource5.5

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common lexical items, such as 'dramatically difficult,' 'committed to solving,' and 'potential energy.' However, there are several instances of incorrect word choice and awkward phrasing, which affect clarity and precision, such as 'keep going to rise,' 'responsible about this issue,' and 'sentence some rules to protect of the young adults.'

Recommendations:

  • Focus on collocations and word partnerships to ensure natural phrasing, such as 'committed to solving' instead of 'committed to solving this problem by making a wisely decisions.'
  • Avoid repetition of words like 'governments' and 'young adults' by using synonyms or rephrasing to maintain reader interest.
  • Practice using words in the correct context, such as 'making a wise decision' instead of 'making a wisely decisions.'
  • Expand your vocabulary by learning and practicing more precise and varied expressions to convey your ideas clearly.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity and coherence, such as incorrect verb forms, prepositions, and article usage.

Recommendations:

  • Use correct verb forms and tense consistency, for example, 'are becoming fired' should be 'are being fired.'
  • Improve article usage, such as 'a wisely decisions' should be 'wise decisions.'
  • Correct preposition use, like 'responsible about this issue' should be 'responsible for this issue.'
  • Ensure correct use of conjunctions and sentence structure, such as 'price of housing is rising and it is going to hard to purchase' should be 'price of housing is rising, making it hard to purchase.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, as in 'housing prices keep going to rise' should be 'housing prices keep rising.'

Task Achievement5.5

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing the issue of rising housing prices for young adults and the role of government in providing affordable housing. The writer clearly states an opinion that the government is responsible for addressing this issue and provides some examples to support this viewpoint.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that the essay directly addresses all parts of the task prompt, including providing a balanced view or considering potential opposing arguments to strengthen the task achievement.
  • Include more detailed examples and explanations to support the main points, particularly those that illustrate how government interventions have been successful or unsuccessful in the past.
  • Clarify the position by explicitly stating the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement in the introduction and conclusion, ensuring consistency throughout the essay.
GRADED
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion:5.5
Lexical Resource:5.5
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.5
Band Score:5.5
Coherence and Cohesion5.5
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5.5
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5.5
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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