BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EXPLORING THE IMPACTS OF CHILD DECISION-MAKING VS STRUCTURED UPBRINGING

Explore our comprehensive IELTS essay sample analyzing the impact of children's freedom in decision-making. Delve into the pros and cons of allowing kids to exercise independence from an early age, discussing the balance of nurturing responsible growth and fostering self-confidence. Ideal for IELTS Band 5.5 score preparation.

Writing Task

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters, such as food, clothes, and entertainment, helps them develop more quickly. Others argue that it is important for parents to make these decisions to ensure their children have a more structured upbringing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Provide relevant examples from your own experiences, if applicable.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.5 Scoring and Feedback

It is argued that, Giving freedom to the kids decisions in some areas like eating, wearing, and entertaining can benefits them in developing swiftly while, others say that it should be up on the parents in order to getting sure about structured growing. while I concur with second opinion, I am going to state both opinions. on the one hand, giving liberty to the kids in order to making their own decisions will probably helps them to be independent in lower ages so, it is a positive development. also, this trust from parents, increase self confidence of children. for example, according to my personal experience, when I was kid I did not have a plethora of freedom to make decision about clothes. consequently, after the while when I had realized my choices are not acceptable from my parents I decided to not talk about that matters because I thought I had not good taste in clothes subsequently, this mindset have remained for me. in addition, it is vital that parents let children face consequences of wrong decisions in order to make them understand every choice has a result. hence, it developed responsibility in them to accept their mistakes. on the other hand, if parents allow children to decide freely it would ruin upbringing structures. most of the children are not able to divide good from bad due to the lack of experience so, it is unlikely to recognize what benefit them. for example, almost every child tempted to fast foods due to desirable taste consequently, if they had freedom in choice, they might always opt junk food to eat because they have no idea about hazardous effects of this kinds of food. In addition it is difficult for them to curb their enthusiasm in decisions. hence, all the mentioned problems are the reason to destroy kids upbringing structure. to conclude, there a variety of benefits and drawbacks about this stand points, however, I personally believe it is not logical to allow children to make decisions lonely.
Words: 336Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/27/2023, 12:05 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.5

The essay presents both views on the topic, but there are noticeable issues with coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not consistently linked, and the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inappropriate or lacking. The paragraphs are not clearly distinct, and transitions between ideas need improvement.

Recommendations:

  • Use referencing words like 'this', 'these', 'such', and 'those' to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion.
  • Use a variety of cohesive devices such as 'furthermore', 'however', 'for instance', and 'on the contrary' to link ideas more effectively.
  • Avoid run-on sentences and ensure each sentence clearly conveys a single idea or point.
  • Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Ensure clear paragraphing by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph.

Lexical Resource5.5

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts at more complex words and phrases. However, it contains several lexical errors, awkward phrasing, and repetitive language which affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms and varied expressions to avoid repetition of words like 'decision,' 'freedom,' and 'children.'
  • Use more precise and varied language to express ideas clearly, such as 'structured upbringing' instead of 'upbringing structures.'
  • Incorporate more linking words and phrases to improve the flow and coherence of the essay, such as 'on the contrary,' 'in contrast,' and 'as a result.'
  • Pay attention to word forms and collocations, such as 'help' instead of 'helps' and 'benefit' instead of 'benefits.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with frequent errors in sentence formation, verb tense, and agreement. There is some attempt to use complex sentences, but they often lack accuracy, which affects clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Use punctuation correctly to separate clauses and ideas, which will help in forming clearer sentences.
  • Revise the use of articles ('a', 'an', 'the') to ensure they are used correctly in context.
  • Review and practice using conjunctions to connect ideas smoothly and logically.
  • Focus on improving sentence structure by practicing simple, compound, and complex sentence forms to enhance clarity.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure verb tenses are consistent throughout the essay.

Task Achievement5.5

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both viewpoints regarding children's decision-making in everyday matters and provides a personal opinion. However, the coverage of each viewpoint lacks depth, and the opinion is not fully integrated into the discussion.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, providing equal depth and consideration to each side.
  • Clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion, and integrate it throughout the essay to show how it influences your discussion.
  • Address all parts of the task prompt by ensuring that the discussion of each viewpoint is comprehensive and includes relevant examples.
  • Provide more specific examples or evidence to support each viewpoint, enhancing the argument's credibility and depth.
GRADED
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion:5.5
Lexical Resource:5.5
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.5
Band Score:5.5
Coherence and Cohesion5.5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource5.5
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5.5
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count6
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