BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: BALANCING ENVIRONMENT AND ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT DEBATE

Discover comprehensive IELTS essay samples, tackling pressing global issues like global warming. Our Band 5.5 example explores environmental legislation, the necessity of safeguarding our ecosystem, and the challenges of economic development. Dive in to broaden your perspective and prepare for your IELTS test.

Writing Task

In today's world, many people argue that it is essential to address environmental issues, while others believe that the primary focus should be on economic development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Provide relevant examples and evidence to support your response.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.5 Scoring and Feedback

The global warming crisis and its devastating effects made all the societies to set some legislation for preserving environment in order to keep the earth appropriate place to live. However, plenty of developing countries are against financing on environmental problems due the fact that some economic projects should be ceased for saving the environment. In this essay , I want to discuss both sides to make some consequences. The environmental issues widely affects daily life of each human being ,so we cannot get away with it easily. The primary needs of mankind for living lies in the surrounding area he lives. For clarifying this, each man needs appropriate oxygen,food and water supply to maintain his safety and this relates directly to the environment he lives. Considering this, the drawbacks of polluted periphery will cost so much as we are now dealing with. The most important problem is the two centigrade degrees increase in worldwide temperature which obligate the governments to implement infrastructures to avoid excess warming. The other issue is the lack of drinking water due to agriculture and deforestation activities. There are lots of problems which worry environmentalist and compel them to provide awareness for the politics over serious dangers of inactivity. On the other hand, we have politicians and governments who find that with environmental-friendly rules as a ban for imposing thousand of jobs and they think poverty is more dangerous than environmental issues which may lead dangers in the future. For example, Donald Trump, the vice president of USA,denied signing the environmental appointment which causes a steep economic developments in USA with creation of new jobs which were ceased due to global environment appointment. At the end, I want to agree with environmentalist of solving current problems in a way that dos not develop poverty and hunger in the world. This means they should offer suitable solutions to persuade the governors.
Words: 314Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 06:00 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents a structured approach with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, there are issues with coherence and cohesion that affect the overall flow and clarity of the argument.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt transitions between ideas or examples to enhance the smoothness of the narrative.
  • Improve paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea and logical progression of supporting points.
  • Clarify the relationship between ideas and examples by providing more explicit connections and explanations.
  • Ensure clear and logical progression of ideas by using appropriate linking words and phrases consistently throughout the essay.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a range of vocabulary related to environmental and economic issues, but there are frequent errors in word choice, collocations, and some inaccuracies that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Check for correct use of articles and prepositions, such as 'the environment' instead of 'environment' and 'due to the fact' instead of 'due the fact'.
  • Avoid using incorrect or awkward collocations like 'appropriate place to live' and use 'suitable habitat' instead.
  • Use more precise language and correct forms, such as 'affects daily life' instead of 'affects daily life of each human being'.
  • Clarify meaning by using specific terms, for example, replace 'obligate the governments to implement infrastructures' with 'compels governments to invest in infrastructure'.
  • Improve word choice and usage by expanding vocabulary related to environmental and economic topics. For example, replace 'made all the societies to set some legislation' with 'led societies to enact legislation'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors in sentence formation, verb forms, and subject-verb agreement.

Recommendations:

  • Work on reducing run-on sentences and comma splices by understanding the use of conjunctions and punctuation.
  • Pay attention to articles and prepositions to ensure they are used correctly in sentences.
  • Improve sentence structure by practicing complex and compound sentences to enhance grammatical range.
  • Review and practice correct verb forms and tenses, particularly in relation to subject-verb agreement.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both environmental issues and economic development, but lacks a clear and balanced exploration of both views. It presents some arguments and examples, but they are not fully developed or supported with sufficient evidence.

Recommendations:

  • Conclude the essay with a summary of the main points and a clear statement of your opinion.
  • Develop a clearer thesis statement that outlines your opinion and how you will address both views in the essay.
  • Provide more specific examples and evidence to support the points made for both environmental issues and economic development.
  • Ensure that both views are equally discussed with clear, logical arguments and relevant examples for each side.
GRADED
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.5
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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