BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ADDRESSING GLOBAL ENVIRONMENTAL POLLUTION THROUGH FUEL PRICE INCREASE - AGREE OR DISAGREE?

Explore IELTS band 5.5 essay sample discussing the environmental issues we face and viable solutions. Topics covered include the impact of fuel prices, the benefits of public transportation, responsibility of government, and the long-term effects on future generations. Ideal for IELTS preparation and environmental studies.

Writing Task

Some people argue that the best approach to address the increasing global environmental pollution is to increase the price of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.5 Scoring and Feedback

There has been some argument about how people can solve the problems related to environment. some believe raising cost of fuel could be most effective. I personally think for addressing this problem implementing some factors such as encouraging public transport and others would be effective as much as fuel's price. To begin with, the main reason why increasing fuel's price would be reasonable is to decrese the numer of car. nowadays people are providing their family members with private cars in order to facilitate them as well as show their status. It discourages people who own multiple cars as they may not afford paying fuel's cost or it may be a burden for them to pay for that. Having said that, however, other type of restriction could hinder world from being polluted more. government should take action to improve public transport and renew them in order to encourage people to use them. for instance, for a public transportation system which are too old, people barely rely on them to get on as they may be a possibility to broken suddenly and have detrimental effect on those who have important date or meeting. additionally, governemnt should inform people about the effect of our activity that can lead to global change and about the consequence of global change. in conclusion, although people may think they would be more comfortable if they use their own car, they have to consider the long- term effect that their action could remain for their next generation. we should consider every aspects of our action so that not harm other species.
Words: 264Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 11:15 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.5

The essay shows some logical organization of ideas, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, there are issues with paragraphing, logical progression, and the use of cohesive devices.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistent use of cohesive devices to avoid repetition and maintain clarity. For example, avoid overusing 'for instance' and vary the expressions used for giving examples.
  • Improve paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph develops a single main idea. For instance, the second paragraph could focus solely on the argument for increasing fuel prices, while the third paragraph could discuss alternative solutions.
  • Enhance logical progression by ensuring that each idea logically follows from the previous one. The transition from discussing fuel price to other restrictions could be smoother with linking phrases.
  • Use a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences. For example, use phrases like 'on the other hand,' 'furthermore,' or 'as a result' to improve flow.

Lexical Resource5.5

The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and collocation which impede clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or paraphrasing; for example, instead of repeating 'fuel's price', use 'fuel costs' or 'price of gasoline'.
  • Improve spelling accuracy to avoid errors such as 'decrese' (decrease), 'numer' (number), 'governemnt' (government).
  • Enhance word choice by using more precise vocabulary, for instance, instead of 'facilitate them', use 'provide convenience'.
  • Incorporate a wider range of academic and topic-specific vocabulary to improve lexical sophistication, such as 'environmental degradation' instead of 'the problems related to environment'.
  • Learn and practice correct collocations and expressions, such as 'raise the cost of fuel' instead of 'raising cost of fuel'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there are noticeable issues with grammatical accuracy, such as subject-verb agreement, article usage, and verb forms, which affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence structures by incorporating more complex sentences to enhance grammatical range.
  • Use articles correctly. For example, 'decrese the numer of car' should be 'decrease the number of cars.'
  • Ensure correct verb forms and tense consistency, like 'decrese' should be 'decrease' and 'have detrimental effect' should be 'have a detrimental effect.'
  • Capitalize the first word of each sentence and proper nouns, such as 'some' should be 'Some' and 'government' should be 'Government.'
  • Improve subject-verb agreement, especially in sentences where the subject is plural, such as 'a public transportation system which are too old' should be 'a public transportation system which is too old.'

Task Achievement5.5

The essay addresses the task by discussing both the proposal to increase fuel prices and alternative solutions to tackle environmental pollution. However, it lacks a clear stance on the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt, which is essential for a complete task achievement.

Recommendations:

  • Provide a balanced discussion with more detailed examples or evidence to support your argument about public transport and other solutions.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point that directly relates to the task prompt, avoiding any tangential ideas.
  • Clearly state your position on the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement in the introduction and conclusion.
GRADED
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion:5.5
Lexical Resource:5.5
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.5
Band Score:5.5
Coherence and Cohesion5.5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5.5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5.5
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count6
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