BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: PUBLIC TRANSPORT SYSTEM VS. HIGHWAYS CONSTRUCTION DEBATE

Explore this Band 6.5 IELTS essay sample discussing two key strategies for tackling transportation issues: enhancing public transport to decrease CO2 emissions, and constructing more highways to ease traffic. Weigh the pros and cons of both from environmental, economic, and lifestyle perspectives.

Writing Task

Some people argue that the government should spend more money on developing public transportation systems, such as buses and trains, rather than investing in the construction of new highways. Others believe that building more highways is essential for economic growth and addressing traffic congestion. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Provide examples and evidence to support your answer.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Transportation is one if the most critical points that influences our life daily. It can be a burden when someone have to drive for two hours in the traffic jam just to reach the building that works in. So the governments try to choose professional teams to focus on how they have to plan to spend on the transportation system. These groups are mainly from various specialties with difference insights on this important topic. From the engineers to the economists. Mainly there two strategies in the countries first is to develop accommodated and well connected public transportation in order to avoid the traffic as well as help the environment to reduce the co2 emission. This strategy not only will help the environment but also, will save a lot of time for people to arrive to their destinations rapidly more important than that it will provide them time to study and learn during the time of their travel but the struggle is the highly equipped infrastructure that is needed that governments needs to invest on it. The other system is to build more highways to address the jams. This is also another system of facing the transportation system and it will help the economy to grow better, in these systems people will get low interest loans to buy cars and then they will pay a lot taxes and tolls for using the highways but it will save them a lot of time as they don't need to spend time waiting for the trains and buses. However, the pollution and contamination regarding these system will harm the environment. Generally, obtaining a doctorate degree in environmental sciences, I believe the public transport is much effective in longterm.
Words: 284Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/24/2023, 10:10 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents a general structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the coherence and cohesion are weakened by unclear paragraphing, lack of clear topic sentences, and insufficient use of cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one point to the next, maintaining a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.
  • Use more cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases (e.g., 'Firstly,' 'On the other hand,' 'Moreover,' 'In conclusion') to connect sentences and paragraphs effectively.
  • Include clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader on what each paragraph will discuss.
  • Organize the essay into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct focus. Begin with an introduction, followed by separate body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common lexical items related to transportation and environmental issues. However, there are frequent errors in word choice, word form, and collocations, which occasionally obscure meaning.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied transitional phrases to improve coherence and link ideas smoothly.
  • Pay attention to word choice and collocations to ensure they are appropriate for the context, such as 'traffic jams' instead of 'the traffic jam' and 'work in' instead of 'works in.'
  • Use a wider range of synonyms to avoid repetition of common words like 'transportation system' and 'environment.'
  • Practice using complex word forms and ensure subject-verb agreement, such as 'someone has' instead of 'someone have.'
  • Expand vocabulary related to transportation and environmental issues to articulate ideas more precisely and effectively.

Grammatical Range4.5

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, with some simple and compound sentences. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues, misuse of articles, and incorrect sentence structures, which affect the clarity and coherence of the text.

Recommendations:

  • Use articles correctly. For instance, 'the traffic jam' should be 'a traffic jam' when referring to it in a general sense.
  • Improve sentence structure by breaking down overly long sentences into shorter, clearer ones to enhance readability and coherence.
  • Vary sentence types by incorporating more complex structures, such as relative clauses or conditional sentences, to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical skills.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, especially in sentences like 'someone have to drive' which should be 'someone has to drive.'
  • Review the use of prepositions and conjunctions to improve sentence flow and coherence, such as 'to the building that works in' which should be 'to the building they work in.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the task by discussing both views regarding the investment in public transportation versus highways. It provides a personal opinion favoring public transportation based on environmental impact, but lacks depth in supporting examples and evidence.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure both views are equally explored with balanced arguments and examples for each.
  • Clarify the personal opinion with stronger supporting arguments and evidence, especially regarding environmental benefits.
  • Ensure a clear conclusion that summarizes the discussion and reinforces the personal opinion.
  • Provide specific examples or evidence to support the claims made for both public transportation and highway construction.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.5
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4.5
Mix of complex & simple sentences4.5
Clear and correct grammar4.5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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