BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: GOVERNMENT'S ROLE IN PROMOTING SPORTS AND PHYSICAL FITNESS

Explore our in-depth IELTS essay sample for a band 6.5 score. Discover how integrating sports and physical activities into your daily routine can enhance your lifestyle and health. Learn about the importance of promoting sports and the role of the government in providing accessibility to sports tools. Drive towards a qualified and joyful life with our comprehensive essay guide.

Writing Task

In many countries, people are choosing to live healthier lifestyles by engaging in sports and physical activities. However, some argue that governments should do more to promote sports and physical fitness. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Provide reasons for your opinion, including examples from your own experience or observation.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Nowadays despite, how routine and life style have changed and it is full of laziness, still there are people who are chasing for better and healthier life style. Including sports and physical activities in our daily routine can be a good solution. Alocating our time for sports will change our diet, also our hobbies and habits. When people put physical activities on their plan they automatically will wake up earlier having a good breakfast. They are more concern about the food they are choosing to eat. They already found a way to reduce their stress and a way to free their mind. Promoting sport by government surly will help it to be done by more people. Advertising always was a awesome way to incept people to do a function. Also providing more instruments and means which can be used for physical activities such as rental bicycles or scooters may be good assessments. Also providing gym equipments for free for people in parks may help those who have not time for gym. In conclusion increasing physical activities will take our life style and healthy habits to a next level and it make us closer to health indexes. Also it will make people feel better about their self. The ease and accessibility to sport tools should be take care by the government to give opportunity to everyone to access to means of having healthy life style. Sport can be one of those keys who will open door to qualified and joyful life.
Words: 250Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/26/2023, 07:24 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents a structured argument discussing the importance of sports and physical activities, and the role of government in promoting them. It follows a logical progression of ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with cohesion and the use of linking devices, which occasionally disrupt the flow of ideas.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt transitions between ideas. Ensure smooth transitions by summarizing previous points before introducing new ones, especially in the conclusion.
  • Use more varied and appropriate linking words to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For example, 'Moreover' or 'In addition' could be used to introduce additional points, rather than repeating 'Also'.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that sentences within the paragraph support this idea cohesively. For instance, the second paragraph could more clearly connect the benefits of sports to the change in lifestyle.
  • Clarify the logical connection between ideas within sentences. For example, the sentence 'Advertising always was a awesome way to incept people to do a function' could be rephrased for clarity and coherence.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of healthy lifestyles and government promotion of sports. However, there are several instances of incorrect word usage and spelling errors that affect clarity and precision. Phrases such as 'chasing for better and healthier life style' and 'incept people to do a function' are awkward and demonstrate a lack of control over collocations and idiomatic expressions. Furthermore, there are issues with word form, such as 'surly' instead of 'surely', and incorrect prepositions, like 'concern about' instead of 'concerned with'.

Recommendations:

  • Use a thesaurus or vocabulary lists to find synonyms and avoid repetition of common words and phrases.
  • Pay attention to word forms and ensure correct spelling in all instances.
  • Practice using idiomatic expressions and collocations accurately to enhance the naturalness of the language.
  • Focus on expanding vocabulary related to health and government initiatives, ensuring correct usage and collocations.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Expand the range of grammatical structures by incorporating complex sentences and varied sentence beginnings to enhance the essay's sophistication.
  • Improve sentence structure by avoiding run-on sentences and ensuring each sentence conveys a clear idea, such as breaking down 'Nowadays despite, how routine and life style have changed and it is full of laziness, still there are people who are chasing for better and healthier life style.' into more manageable parts.
  • Use articles correctly; for instance, 'a awesome way' should be 'an awesome way.'
  • Ensure consistent verb tenses throughout the essay to enhance readability, as seen in 'they automatically will wake up earlier having a good breakfast' which can be revised to 'they will automatically wake up earlier and have a good breakfast.'
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, as seen in phrases like 'life style have changed' which should be 'lifestyle has changed.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both individual efforts and the role of government in promoting sports and physical activities. It presents a clear stance that government involvement is beneficial, supported by examples and reasoning. However, the essay lacks depth in exploring the extent of agreement or disagreement, and some points are underdeveloped.

Recommendations:

  • Develop more detailed arguments for both sides of the issue to show a balanced view and then explain your stance.
  • Include specific examples or evidence to support the argument that government involvement can enhance public participation in sports.
  • Expand on the conclusion by summarizing your main points and reiterating your position clearly.
  • Clearly state your position on whether you agree or disagree with the statement at the beginning of the essay.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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