BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EXPLORING FUEL PRICES INCREASE AS SOLUTIONS FOR GLOBAL ENVIRONMENTAL POLLUTION

Explore our collection of IELTS Essay samples with a Band 6.5 score. Learn how global environmental pollution, largely driven by fuel usage, can be mitigated by increasing fuel prices. Understand how this change can drive individuals to consider greener alternatives, such as public transportation or cycling. Also, discover how this strategy could reduce unnecessary fuel usage, contributing to a cleaner and quieter environment.

Writing Task

Some people argue that the best approach to address the increasing global environmental pollution is to increase the price of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Global environmental pollution is a problem that has a big impact on our life. It is caused by many reasons, especially fuel usage that is pollute the air. I Strongly agree that increasing the price of fuel will decrease the usage of fuel vehicles. Many countries have used fuel to generate a machine that is used for some activities. The machine contributes to making any kind of pollution such as sound and air pollution. When the price of fuel gets increased, people will thinks that better they go on with another solution that is beneficial to them. It will grow the decision that fuel is very expensive so they must take alternative to get they needs. They will start to use public transportation and they will reduce the expenditure. For example, when the price of fuel in Indonesia increased, many of workers start with a bicycle to the office. Some people used public transportation like bus and train. Other reason why it will helpful that it will reduce some people that used fuel to something which is not useful and doing that for fun. We can see that some wealthy person will show off their riches in front of peoples. Their car make pollution because there is machine that is work and emitted toxic gasses and also make a lot of noises surrounding that environment. When we could reduce the usage of machine, we also reduced the pollution that was produced. For instance, my neighbour always gone out with their limo everyday to hang out. After the price of fuel increased, they stop doing that.
Words: 265Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/13/2023, 05:41 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion with some logical organization of ideas. However, there are frequent lapses in the use of cohesive devices, and the progression of ideas is sometimes unclear or awkward.

Recommendations:

  • Use referencing words such as 'this', 'these', 'such', etc., more effectively to refer back to previous ideas and maintain cohesion.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that paragraphs are logically ordered to build your argument effectively.
  • Avoid abrupt transitions between ideas and ensure that each point is fully developed before moving on to the next.
  • Improve the use of cohesive devices such as conjunctions and transitional phrases to link ideas within and between sentences more smoothly.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, with attempts at using some less common words. However, there are frequent errors in word choice, form, and collocation that hinder clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to word forms and collocations to avoid errors like 'fuel usage that is pollute' or 'used fuel to something which is not useful.'
  • Practice using synonyms and paraphrasing to avoid repetition of key terms like 'fuel' and 'pollution' throughout the essay.
  • Incorporate more complex lexical items and idiomatic expressions where appropriate, ensuring they fit the context of the essay.
  • Work on expanding vocabulary to include more precise and varied word choices to express ideas more clearly and accurately.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with some errors in subject-verb agreement, verb tense, and sentence structure. There are attempts to use complex sentences, but errors often obscure meaning.

Recommendations:

  • Review the use of articles and pronouns to ensure they are used correctly, e.g., 'they needs' should be 'their needs'.
  • Pay attention to verb tense consistency to avoid confusion, e.g., 'is pollute' should be 'pollutes' and 'is work' should be 'works'.
  • Enhance sentence structure by avoiding run-on sentences and ensuring each sentence has a clear subject and predicate.
  • Use more varied sentence types, including compound and complex sentences, to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
  • Improve subject-verb agreement by ensuring that verbs match their subjects in number and person, e.g., 'people will thinks' should be 'people will think'.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by clearly stating a position on the issue of increasing fuel prices to combat environmental pollution. The writer agrees with the statement and provides arguments and examples to support this view.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate a counterargument to demonstrate a balanced understanding of the issue. This could involve discussing potential drawbacks of increasing fuel prices, such as economic impacts on lower-income individuals.
  • Provide more detailed examples. For instance, when mentioning Indonesia, explain the broader impact of increased public transportation usage on pollution levels.
  • Ensure that the position is consistently maintained throughout the essay. Currently, the conclusion is missing, which would help reinforce the position and summarize the arguments presented.
  • Develop the arguments more fully. For example, explain how increasing fuel prices specifically leads to reduced pollution, beyond just reducing fuel usage.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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