BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: DISCUSSING URBAN MIGRATION AND PRESERVATION OF SMALL COMMUNITIES

Explore our insightful band 6.0 IELTS essay sample discussing the trend of rural population decrease due to lack of job and education opportunities. Discover potential government remedies to improve livelihood in rural areas. Perfect guide for IELTS writing task 2. Learn & succeed with us.

Writing Task

In many countries, people have been moving away from rural areas and towards urban centers, leading to the decline of small towns and villages. What are the reasons for this trend, and what can be done to prevent the disappearance of small communities? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

It is no longer uncommon to see that, people prefer to leave rural areas to locate in cities. It seems that this phenomenon give birth to small countryside’s population decreasing. It is appear that restriction in job and education opportunities are the contributing factors in this trend. There are some policies that can be taken by government to remedy the situation. It appears that rural areas suffer from some limitation, specially for those who really keen on improving the quality of their life. Indeed, owing to the lack of big companies and industries in these regions, there is difficulty finding decent job opportunity. It may lead to increasing the rate of unemployment which force individuals to leave their town towards megacities. In addition, the limited chance of education in prestigious universities is a second reason of people to pursue their dream in metropolis cities to become expert in their favorite field. However, the key role of governments in introducing some measures to mitigate situation is undeniable. Authorities by supporting local occupations like farming and producing local handicrafts are able to conserve rural dwellers income resource. By sufficient income rate, people find more reason to continue their life in a side of their families in those areas. Furthermore , government by impelling force toward big company in order to establish some branch in rural region, seems to rise the chane of imployment for individuals in towns and region away from cities. In conclusion, it seems that the origin of moving people from rural to urban areas lies in lack of employing and educating chance. It can be solved by governments by increasing rural dwellers financial resource.
Words: 275Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 02:13 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents ideas in a generally logical sequence and attempts to use cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs. However, some transitions are awkward, and there are instances of unclear referencing and abrupt topic shifts that affect the overall flow.

Recommendations:

  • Use pronouns and referencing words more effectively to maintain clarity and avoid confusion, ensuring that it is always clear what or who is being referred to.
  • Improve paragraph transitions by using linking words or phrases that clearly relate ideas between paragraphs, such as 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' or 'In contrast.'
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support this idea, avoiding abrupt topic shifts.
  • Strengthen the introduction and conclusion to clearly reflect the main ideas discussed in the body paragraphs, ensuring a cohesive argument throughout the essay.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary with attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice, word form, and collocation, which sometimes obscure meaning.

Recommendations:

  • Improve word choice and collocation by learning and practicing common phrases and expressions related to urbanization and rural life.
  • Expand vocabulary range by reading more academic texts on urbanization and rural development to naturally incorporate varied lexical resources.
  • Pay attention to preposition use and article usage, for example, 'in a side of their families' should be 'beside their families'.
  • Focus on correct word forms and grammatical structures, such as using 'give birth to' correctly, and ensuring subject-verb agreement like 'It is appear' should be 'It appears'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there are frequent errors in grammar, such as incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement, and word forms, which impede clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Practice using articles correctly, as in 'a decent job opportunity' instead of 'decent job opportunity', to refine grammatical precision.
  • Use a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound-complex sentences, to demonstrate a broader grammatical range.
  • Focus on correct word forms, such as using 'employment' instead of 'employing' and 'chance' instead of 'chane', to improve grammatical accuracy.
  • Review and practice subject-verb agreement to ensure that verbs consistently match their subjects in number and person.
  • Pay attention to verb forms, particularly in terms of tense consistency and correct use of gerunds and infinitives.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons for rural-urban migration and suggesting solutions to prevent the decline of small communities. It identifies job and educational opportunities as key factors driving the trend and proposes government intervention as a solution. However, the essay lacks depth in exploring the reasons and solutions, and the opinion is not clearly stated or developed.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that both parts of the question are equally addressed to maintain balance in the discussion.
  • Expand on the reasons for migration by providing more detailed examples and explanations.
  • Elaborate on the suggested solutions by discussing potential challenges and how they might be overcome.
  • Clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion to ensure it is evident throughout the essay.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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