BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: URBAN ENVIRONMENTAL ISSUES AND MIGRATION TO RURAL AREAS - A COMPREHENSIVE DISCUSSION

Explore our IELTS essay sample with a band score of 5.5 where we discuss if moving to rural areas can solve environmental issues. Discover arguments for and against reverse migration and potential solutions for improving urban lifestyle while managing environmental damage. This essay provides insights on alternative power sources and environmental management solutions. Ideal for IELTS preparation.

Writing Task

In many countries, the quality of life in urban areas is deteriorating due to various environmental problems. Some people argue that the only solution to these issues is for individuals to move away from cities and start living in rural areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Nowadays some people argue about the facilities of urban lives is decreased and we should stay and solving the environmental problems or people have to immigrate to rural area so the population of cities is decreased and enhance environment reparing. I'm my opinion, reversed immigration is not good solutions for this phenomenon because if people continue their habits caused more destroy events for rural environment therfore in a long-time destroying is carried. For example; if people use fossils fuels for heating causes carbon dioxide distribution in the air so face to air pollution in rural areas. On the other hand, the most carriers depends on urban lifestyles and people can't continue these roles in rural communities. For example marketing material and social networks needs to urban lifestyle and can not surviving in rural territories. I suppose that, when people use command environmental damage and and compensate the past environmental issues can develop the quality of life in urban areas. As a solution they can search for alternative power instead of fossils fuels for heating. For example use sunlight panels.Furthermore people can expanded public transportation so with these measures they enhance decrease air pollution. In the same time fortunately after COVID-19 pandemic companies investigated the remote works can make lower cost for their busines so nowadays they prefer remote works to in-site carriers because they can control the power usage. Finally, we should think outside of box and improve quality of life with search about solutions for inviromental issues management. In conclusion, improvement quality of urban lifestyles depends on the solutions which humans implement in theirs routine and reverse immigration to rural communities cannot solve environmental problems so for long term the best way for survival is compensation environmental issues.
Words: 289Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/23/2023, 12:12 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion due to disorganized structure, unclear progression of ideas, and inconsistent use of linking words.

Recommendations:

  • Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument. For instance, start a paragraph with a sentence like 'Moving to rural areas is not a sustainable solution because...' to clearly indicate the focus.
  • Ensure that each point is fully developed and logically connected to your main argument. Avoid jumping between ideas without clear transitions.
  • Clarify ambiguous statements and ensure that examples are directly relevant to the point being made, enhancing the connection between ideas.
  • Organize the essay into clear paragraphs with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea. For example, one paragraph could discuss why moving to rural areas is not a viable solution, and another could explore alternative solutions to urban environmental issues.
  • Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using appropriate linking words and phrases. For example, use 'however,' 'on the other hand,' and 'furthermore' to show contrast or addition.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some attempt to use less common words and phrases. However, there are several lexical inaccuracies and awkward word choices that affect clarity and precision. Some words are used incorrectly or inappropriately, and there is a lack of variety in the vocabulary used to express ideas.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied sentence structures to better showcase your range of vocabulary.
  • Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and different expressions for common words to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.
  • Practice using collocations and idiomatic expressions correctly to improve the naturalness of your writing.
  • Focus on using words in the correct context to avoid lexical inaccuracies. For example, 'reversed immigration' should be 'reverse migration,' and 'command environmental damage' is unclear.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited grammatical range and control with frequent errors in sentence structure, verb forms, and agreement. The use of complex structures is attempted but often results in inaccuracies, affecting clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Practice using a variety of sentence types, including simple, compound, and complex sentences, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Pay attention to punctuation, especially in separating independent clauses and using conjunctions correctly.
  • Work on reducing the frequency of grammatical errors by proofreading the essay for common mistakes.
  • Focus on basic sentence structure, ensuring subject-verb agreement and correct verb forms.
  • Review and practice the correct use of articles ('a', 'an', 'the') and prepositions to improve accuracy.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the extent to which moving to rural areas is a viable solution to urban environmental issues. The writer disagrees with the notion and suggests alternative solutions to improve urban life quality. However, the task achievement is limited due to lack of clarity in argument presentation and insufficient development of ideas.

Recommendations:

  • Develop each main point with more detailed explanations and examples to support your arguments.
  • Ensure all parts of the task are addressed, including providing a balanced view or acknowledging the opposing perspective.
  • Clearly state your position in the introduction and maintain it consistently throughout the essay.
  • Improve coherence by organizing ideas logically and using clear paragraphing to separate different points.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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