BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: TECHNOLOGY'S INFLUENCE ON SOCIETY - CONNECTION OR DISCONNECTION?

Dive into a comprehensive analysis of a Band 5.5 IELTS essay discussing the impact of modern technology on communication and knowledge. Explore how technological advancements enhance connectivity, facilitate learning, and bridge distances even amidst global challenges like the corona virus pandemic. Yet, don't disregard the balancing need for physical connections to keep us truly connected.

Writing Task

In today's world, people have become increasingly reliant on modern technology for communication and gathering information. While some argue this has led to a more connected and informed society, others believe that this reliance on technology has made people more disconnected from one another. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this perspective? Provide relevant examples and evidence to support your answer.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Now a days in the modern world of technology, people are dependent on new technology for communication and knowledge. although some people claimed that the widespread use of new technology has mad people disconnected, others and in my own opinion believed that it's benefits outwights its drawbacks. first of all, new communication provides a facility that you can connect to anyone without any limitation in time and place. In the other words there is no difficulty to be in touch with someone who lives miles away. what's more dislike a couple of centres ago when people used to send letters to communicate, by social medias massages will deliver in a second with no risk of being missed. moreover people have chance to access every article and book they want and ask all of their questions from great professors around the world.for instance during the corona virus epidemic students study online from their home by using new technology. on the other hand, some people believed with new ways of communications people will relay on connecting by massages and calls only and refuse to visit each other. I completely disagree with this point of view since people can always arrange a meeting or a trip to reunited with each other and can always visit their relatives. in conclusion, new technology has provide a great opportunity for people to be connected or informed about new science but to avoid getting disconnected people should try to stay in touch by visiting with each other.
Words: 250Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/23/2023, 12:56 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents a clear position on the topic, suggesting that the benefits of technology outweigh its drawbacks. However, the organization of ideas is somewhat inconsistent, with abrupt transitions and a lack of clear linking devices between some sentences and paragraphs.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt shifts in ideas by providing a brief transition sentence or phrase to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
  • Review the use of punctuation to improve sentence flow, particularly in complex sentences.
  • Use clear linking words and phrases to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs, such as 'Firstly,' 'In addition,' 'Furthermore,' 'On the contrary,' and 'In conclusion.'
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph, followed by supporting details.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common words and phrases. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice, word form, and spelling, which occasionally hinder clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and antonyms to improve word variety and avoid repetition.
  • Practice using collocations and idiomatic expressions to enhance the naturalness of language.
  • Use more precise language to convey your ideas clearly, such as 'messages' instead of 'massages' and 'rely' instead of 'relay.'
  • Pay attention to word forms and ensure correct usage of nouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs.
  • Review spelling and grammatical structures to avoid errors that can affect understanding, such as 'mad' instead of 'made' and 'outwights' instead of 'outweighs'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are frequent errors in sentence construction, verb tense, and subject-verb agreement, which affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Familiarize yourself with common conjunctions and linking words to improve sentence cohesion and coherence.
  • Use a variety of sentence types, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Practice using correct verb tenses consistently, particularly when discussing past and present events.
  • Pay attention to articles ('a', 'an', 'the') and prepositions to improve sentence clarity and accuracy.
  • Review and practice basic sentence structures to avoid run-on sentences and fragments.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences (e.g., 'people have' instead of 'people has').

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both perspectives on the reliance on modern technology for communication and information gathering. The writer clearly states their position, agreeing with the view that the benefits of technology outweigh its drawbacks. The essay provides examples, such as the role of technology during the coronavirus pandemic, to support the argument. However, the response could benefit from a more balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, as well as clearer connections between the points made and the writer's position.

Recommendations:

  • Include more specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument, particularly in addressing the counterargument.
  • Provide a more balanced discussion by elaborating on the opposing viewpoint regarding technology causing disconnection, and address this counterargument more thoroughly.
  • Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the task prompt and the writer's stance, making the argument more coherent and logically structured.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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