BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: TECHNOLOGY ADVANCEMENTS - BOON OR BANE? SOCIETY'S PERSPECTIVES DISCUSSED
Explore our IELTS essay sample scoring at band 5.5, discussing the importance of sports for physical and mental health beyond just achieving a fit body. Uncover why society's influence often steers people towards physical appearance over health & wellness.
Writing Task
Some people believe that technological advancements have brought more drawbacks than benefits to society, while others argue that these advancements have improved our lives in various aspects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Provide relevant examples and reasons to support your answer.
IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback
Engage in regular exercise is important for many people, but nowadays people primary emphasis on achieving a physically fit body rather than prioritizing the health benefits of sports. In my opinion sports are important way to help physical fitness but the more important point is that the main function of doing sport is improve our physical and also mental health. In this essay will address why people focus on having a fit body rather than merits of sports.
The reason behind that why people prefer sports to have a fit body is deferent, one of that is, most people in this era are influenced by media and society. Thanks to social media people believe that should have an ideal body and this reason lead to they focus more on their physical appearance instead of their overall health. Lake of awareness is another issue that especially youth don’t care their health. If people know about what effects sports have on their mental and physical health, they will no longer think only about fitness. As my experience, after one of my friends went on a diet and started to exercise and then she was fit, she had a very bad chronic backache
that was due to lake of awareness concerning lose weight.
In other hand, the problems caused by this view is, over exercising that may people push themselves too hard in pursuit of fit body. Another point that people neglect to that is, when they focus solely on their appearance, it cause to don’t attention their self-cognitive, overcoming stress or other matters of self-knowledge.
To conclude, many people use sports just for losing weight and be on fit, not a true way for their health. I suppose to the main goal of doing sports is save our health, both physically and mentally. And because people are very influenced by social media, they should learn from it and not just look after their body shape.
Words: 323|Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/23/2023, 09:20 AM
Coherence And Cohesion5.0
Lexical Resource5.0
Grammatical Range5.0
Task Achievement4.0
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:How well the essay is organized and how well ideas are connected throughout.5.0
Lexical Resource:The range of vocabulary used and how accurately and appropriately it is used.5.0
Grammatical Range:The range and accurate use of grammar structures.5.0
Task Achievement:How well the essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a fully developed response.4.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement4
Complete response4
Clear & comprehensive ideas4
Relevant & specific examples4
Appropriate word count5