BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ONLINE VS TRADITIONAL EDUCATION IN TODAY'S WORLD - ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES DISCUSSED

Explore our effective IELTS Band 5.5 essay sample about gender equality in academic fields. Understand the balance of interests and suitability in course selection for male and female students, backed by expert opinions and logical reason. Perfect resource for IELTS preparation.

Writing Task

In today's world, an increasing number of people are deciding to pursue higher education and professional courses online instead of attending traditional brick-and-mortar institutions. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend. Support your answer with reasons and relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

In such society as advocating everyone-is-equal theory, some equalitarian espouse that the quantities of male students and female students should be tantamount in the same subject during their academic study. This issue seems to be steeped in controversy, while if asked to how to reckon it, I would take a dim view of it, as it is much too overdoing and impossible to carry out.\nIn the first place, as prominent psychologist Fred put it: “the interests are the best instructor”, individual interests have top priority when student pick up their majors. Moreover, interests vary even of the same gender, let alone different one. Namely, it is unimaginable that there are equivalent boys and girls in the same classroom.\nIn the second place, some courses such as engineering are more suitable for male students, while the opposite is true when it comes to liberal arts. From physical aspects as well as psychological term, the main reason is that mode of thinking is different between different sex. Men are apt at logical thinking, while women are inclined to thinking in image. Therefore, it is not necessary to invariably emphasize absolute equality at that kind of situation, otherwise it is detrimental to the entire society. What a disaster it should be if you experienced such condition, as you perceived half of male nurses in hospital or female steel workers tying the male ones.\nJudging from all analyses offered, we might reasonably come to conclusion that, it is unpractical and uncalled-for to restrict male and female students to parallel subjects.
Words: 254Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 01:47 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion as it deviates significantly from the given prompt, discussing gender equality in education rather than online vs traditional education. The ideas presented are not logically organized, and there is a lack of clear progression and connection between sentences and paragraphs. The use of linking words and cohesive devices is inconsistent and often inappropriate, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.

Recommendations:

  • Use a variety of linking words and cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, ensuring a smooth flow of information.
  • Avoid unrelated or tangential ideas that do not contribute to the main argument of the essay.
  • Ensure that the essay directly addresses the task prompt. Focus on discussing the advantages and disadvantages of online education compared to traditional education.
  • Organize ideas logically. Start with an introduction that outlines the main points, followed by paragraphs that each discuss a single idea with supporting examples, and end with a conclusion that summarizes the discussion.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay displays a range of vocabulary, including some less common words and expressions, such as 'equalitarian', 'tantamount', 'espouse', and 'reckon'. However, the usage is often inaccurate or inappropriate within the context, which affects clarity and precision. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing and word choice that hinder effective communication.

Recommendations:

  • Expand lexical range by incorporating more topic-specific vocabulary related to online education and traditional institutions, which is more aligned with the essay prompt.
  • Avoid using overly complex words when simpler words would convey the meaning more clearly. For instance, 'espouse' could be replaced with 'support', which is more commonly used and widely understood.
  • Practice using collocations and phrases accurately to improve fluency and coherence. For instance, 'pick up their majors' could be revised to 'choose their majors'.
  • Improve the accuracy of vocabulary usage by ensuring that words are used in their correct context. For example, 'tantamount' is used incorrectly and should be replaced with 'equal' or 'balanced'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a variety of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and some use of passive voice. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistent use of articles, as in 'the interests are the best instructor,' which should be 'interests are the best instructor.'
  • Revise awkward phrasing, such as 'if asked to how to reckon it, I would take a dim view of it.' This could be rephrased for clarity to 'if asked to consider it, I would disagree.'
  • Use parallel structures to enhance readability, for instance, 'Men are apt at logical thinking, while women are inclined to thinking in image' should be 'Men are adept at logical thinking, while women tend to think in images.'
  • Avoid unnecessary complexity, such as 'What a disaster it should be if you experienced such condition,' which could be simplified to 'It would be disastrous to experience such a condition.'
  • Improve subject-verb agreement, as seen in sentences like 'some equalitarian espouse that the quantities of male students and female students should be tantamount.' The correct form should be 'some egalitarians espouse that the number of male and female students should be equal.'

Task Achievement4.0

The essay does not address the given task prompt, which is to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of pursuing higher education and professional courses online versus traditional institutions. Instead, the essay discusses gender equality in education, which is off-topic.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that your essay directly addresses the task prompt. For this prompt, focus on the pros and cons of online education compared to traditional institutions.
  • Use relevant examples and reasons related to the topic of online education versus traditional education to support your points.
  • Refrain from introducing unrelated topics or arguments that do not pertain to the task prompt.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:4.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5

Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5

Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5

Task Achievement4
Complete response4
Clear & comprehensive ideas4
Relevant & specific examples4
Appropriate word count5